Dad Balks When Wife Says Their 13-Year-Old Son Is 'Too Young' To Groom His Body Hair

As children grow up, the conversations begin to get harder.

Life, death, love, and the human body... there is a combination of topics to be nervous about.

There are so many ways to have these conversations correctly... and so many ways to have them go wrong.

It's best if parents can be on the same page about the big "talks..."

But that doesn't always happen.

Redditor LaraDLara wanted to discuss his experience and get feedback, so he naturally joined the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.

He asked:

"AITAH for supporting my son grooming himself when my wife says he is too young?"

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

"My wife (39 F[emale]) and I (41 M[ale]) have a 13-year-old son who recently came to me with a personal question: was it okay for him to shave 'down there?'"

"I was surprised, but I stayed calm."

"I told him it was normal to want to feel clean or tidy and that body grooming is a personal choice."

"I made sure he wasn't feeling pressured by anyone and reminded him hygiene and safety come first."

"He asked if I could help him get a trimmer."

"I said yes."

"Later that night, I told my wife, thinking she'd appreciate how open he felt with me."

"Instead, she was upset."

"She said 13 is 'too young' to be thinking about that, and that I was 'encouraging adult behavior.'"

"I told her it's not inherently sexual, it's about body comfort and ownership, and if we don't make it taboo, he'll be more likely to come to us about things in the future."

"She strongly disagreed and said I should've waited until they could both be present to talk about it."

"I explained it was a private moment between father and son, and I didn't want to shame him or make him feel weird about asking."

"She said I went behind her back."

"This led to a bigger argument."

"She started questioning how we handle other topics like body image, puberty, screen time."

"She asked me to return the trimmer."

"I said no."

"I told her we need to be aligned, but I won't punish our son for being open and responsible."

"To be completely clear, we've always been open about bodies and development."

"But this seems to have triggered something deeper in her."

"She comes from a more conservative upbringing and has always been a bit anxious about our son growing up 'too fast.'"

"Since then, she's been cold with both of us."

"She told me she feels 'undermined.'"

"Our son has picked up on the tension and now feels awkward even talking about normal hygiene stuff."

"We're now in a bit of a standoff."

"I've tried to bring it up gently, suggested we talk with a therapist together about how we approach puberty topics, but she thinks I'm being too 'dramatic.'"

"Her sister (who has older teens) told her I did the right thing and that this isn't a big deal, but my wife thinks that's just 'modern parenting gone too far.'"

"For what it's worth, I also told our son that if he ever feels uncomfortable or unsure about any body stuff, he can talk to either of us and that we both love him no matter what."

The OP was left to wonder:

"AITAH for supporting our son in a private grooming choice without looping in my wife first? Is she TA for reacting this strongly and creating shame around something that could've been handled with less drama?"

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

NTA - Not The A**hole
YTA – You're The A**hole
NAH – No A**holes Here
ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the a**hole.

"NTA. If he's old enough to have body hair, he's old enough to decide what to do with it."

"I wonder if your wife would try to stop a similar-aged daughter from shaving her legs/armpits?" ~ NotAgainHel15

"Honestly, it's unfortunately common among parents who infantilize their kids."

"My own mom wouldn't let me shave my pits or legs because I was 'too young' even though I was being made fun of by my peers."

"It wasn't a weird religious conservative thing for her either—she had 8 miscarriages between my sister and me which made her emotionally think of me more like a doll/extension of her who should do whatever she expected rather than a person of my own accord."

"My sister snuck me a razor and taught me how to use it. I was 14."

"She has always thought of me as the baby and was never ready to recognize I was growing up."

"I bet OP's wife thinks of her boy as 'my baby' and isn't willing to admit to herself he's not a baby anymore."

"Hopefully, OP can talk sense into her."

"Parents who hold on that tight lose their kids as adults."

"I left the state and never looked back over it." ~ Xylophelia

"Imagine dad demanding to have a say in what a 13-year-old daughter does with her pubic hair."

"Everyone would be raising an eyebrow."

"Mommy demanding a say in their son's pubic hairstyle is really unsettling."

"Fortunately... all's well that ends well... both father and son have learned to speak to each other, and leave mommy out of it."

"Seriously, OP."

"You accidentally effed up, from your son's point of view."

"And I'd apologize for making things awkward because apparently, Mom has her panties in a twist about stuff like this."

"So it's best if we keep this kind of thing between us, from now on."

"Adults still learn all the time."

"But it's not your son's fault for coming to you. NTA." ~ Special_Lychee_6847

"People tend to forget that raising a kid is raising a new adult."

"This is just what comes with the territory... NTA." ~ Nervous_Builder_6138

"NTA. Guessing she's not ready for him to grow up and is struggling with it."

"My mom was similar."

"She refused to show me how to shave my legs or get me the stuff for it, which led to some pretty disastrous results." ~ REDDIT

"NTA, I see why he went to you and not her."

"She needs to get a grip." ~ bippityboppitynope

"Uh. NTA."

"You sound like a great parent."

"She doesn't own him nor does she own interactions."

"My kids sometimes ask me sometimes ask dad."

"Both daughters and feeling slighted would undermine our relationship." ~ Bluewaveempress

"NTA. Your wife thinks modern parenting has gone too far because you explained how to trim body hair...?"

"Since then, she's been cold with both of us."

"She told me she feels 'undermined.'"

"Our son has picked up on the tension and now feels awkward even talking about normal hygiene stuff."

"That's not an ok way to handle this at all."

"Your wife is an AH."

"She feels 'undermined' because she doesn't get to be a dictator apparently."

"Asking you to return the trimmer is crazy." ~ WetSneezer

"NTA. When a child goes through puberty, they frequently want to talk to their same-sex parents."

"If you had a daughter, she would want help with tampons in a none sexual way from your wife."

"The fact she's being cold and resistant toward therapy is childish in my opinion."

"If it's that big of a deal she feels 'undermined' she should be happy you are seeking a resolution with a professional." ~ ManagerClassic244

"NTA. You need to have a talk with your wife."

"She is coming off very controlling, and her fear of your son growing up too fast is going to create a rift that will ruin her relationship with him and you."

"The way your wife is handling this is an incredibly concerning response."

"I'd honestly suggest therapy, depending on how 'cold' she is being, this could be a much bigger issue."

"She thinks you're being dramatic, but she is going nuclear over this?"

"You need to head this off ASAP, and be deadly serious with her that this reaction isn't okay and that you all need to make an active choice together about moving forward in a healthy way, which likely means therapy." ~ ShotcallerBilly

"This. The mother is letting her fears of her child 'growing up too fast' determine her emotions."

"I say she is TA and needs to take a good hard look at the situation and be more understanding."

"This isn't about her, and I think she wants it to be."

"Her child, her decision, which is so wrong and f**ked up." ~ CrimsonCaliberTHR4SH

"100% NTA. Your wife however kinda TA." ~ Boneflesh85

"I agree."

"She's probably struggling with not wanting her son to grow up."

"But when he trusts a parent enough to ask a question like this, that's an indication that their relationship is healthy."

"Dad is definitely NTA, and I hope he can shield his son from the conflict." ~ TeenzBeenz

"NTA, but your wife definitely is."

"When I was 1,3 I asked my mom if I could shave my legs because I was getting bullied at school for still having leg hair."

"She chose to shame me about the request and called me some very unkind, sexualized names that Reddit will not allow me to write."

"Kind of like your wife is doing to your son now."

"I don't speak to my mother anymore."

"Perhaps share that with your wife and encourage her to think about what she wants her future relationship with her son to be like." ~ Relevant-Highlight90

"NTA. The only thing you did wrong is telling your son he can talk to both of you because very clearly he can only talk to the only sane parent he has... which is you."

"If I understand this correctly, your wife is mad that your son felt comfortable with you asking for a trimmer to shave his body."

"At 13?!?!? That's insane."

"Does he also have to ask for permission to shave his armpits?"

"What about chest? Back?"

"If you had a daughter, would the expectation be that by 13, she never shaved her legs??"

"If the answer is no, then I don't know what difference it makes."

"He's asking to shave."

"Not telling you he fathered triplets with a 12-year-old." ~ karimistica

"NTA. This is just the damage that conservatism does to people's thinking."

"She can't see the situation for what it is, because she's focused on the ideology which says that doing anything that could be seen as sexual is sinful and not allowed for children." ~ BikeProblemGuy

"NTA. I grew up in a fairly conservative house, and I never felt comfortable broaching the topic of shaving (I'm a girl)."

"I have endometriosis, although when I first got my period, I didn't know it."

"Having long pubic hair was a nightmare for I,t and the whole thing just became a sensory nightmare for me."

"I ended up using my mother's razor down there."

"I got fairly bad razor burn because I didn't know what I was doing, and my mom found out, and needless to say, she was not happy!"

"Allowing your house to be a place of honesty is so important." ~ deviousdiane

"NTA, This dude is the real MVP. Kudos for being open-minded and empowering your son."

"EMPOWERMENT!" ~ avid-learner-bot

Reddit completely agrees with you, OP.

You and your son are allowed to have a private heart-to-heart.

It sounds like your wife has some personal issues to work through.

Your suggestion for counseling sounds like a smart idea.

You're a good dad.

Good Luck.