We’ve all known someone who insists on being the center of attention, no matter what it takes or what else is being celebrated.
But sometimes when we have someone like this in our lives, we have to keep them out of important celebrations, or else we’ll never be able to celebrate, cringed the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Low-Psychology7904 had recently been promoted at work and was excited to celebrate with friends and family at a celebratory dinner.
However, knowing that his girlfriend was insistent on being the center of attention, the Original Poster (OP) decided not to invite her, so that the spotlight could be on him for once.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for not inviting my girlfriend to my promotion dinner because I knew she’d make it about her?”
The OP was incredibly pleased to be promoted at work.
“I (35 Male) have been dating, Marla (34 Female), for two years. I love her, she’s smart, driven, but… dramatic. Especially when the attention isn’t on her.”
“I just got promoted to partner at my firm. This is huge for me, I’ve worked toward it for almost a decade.”
The OP made the tough decision not to invite Marla to the dinner.
“My colleagues threw a small celebratory dinner, and I decided not to invite Marla.”
“Why? Because last time I got recognition at work (Employee of the Year award), she spent the entire dinner talking about how she once turned down a big promotion to ‘prioritize her mental health.’ She hijacked every compliment meant for me.”
“So this time, I went alone. I told her it was for ‘just coworkers.'”
Marla confronted him when she found out she wasn’t invited.
“She found out through a tagged photo that other people were there, and now she’s livid.”
“She accused me of ‘hiding her,’ said I ’embarrassed her,’ and that I made her feel like ‘a trophy I keep in the closet.'”
“I explained my reasons, and she called me ‘shallow and insecure.'”
“I feel awful. But I also feel like I deserved a night where I didn’t have to babysit someone else’s ego.”
“Was I wrong to exclude my girlfriend from my promotion dinner because I knew she’d make it about herself?”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some questioned the quality of the relationship that the OP found himself in.
“NTA. But why are you with her?” – Standard_Session1106
“If you have to hide your achievements and celebrations from your SO, then that’s not a relationship, that’s a partnership out of convenience.”
“OP is comfortable with the stability he has with his girlfriend and doesn’t wanna lose that, this is the only reason that I can think of for OP staying with his girlfriend.” – lonewolf369963
“If you’re planning events around her reactions instead of with her, that’s a red flag flapping in the wind. If she can’t let you have your moment, why are you with her?” – Alert_Dust_2423
“NTA, but you may be stupid for staying with her, every promotion, every birthday, every celebration, are you ready to shrink yourself? Is she going to be like this when you have children?” – Time_Tutor_3042
“Never make yourself smaller to appease your partner. What OP is describing happened to me a few times and always caught me by surprise. I guess you don’t know until it happens.”
“The key is to recognize the red flags before it’s too late. OP has a great chance, they’re not married and don’t have kids. This could go a lot farther. Some people live their whole lives with a partner who treats them like crap.” – Netlawyer
“Did she call herself a trophy? Sorry, what, LOL.” – Weird_Chickens
“You’re at a place in your relationship where you: don’t feel you can be honest with her, don’t trust her, and don’t think she will put your interests first when it’s important to do so.”
“The fact you decided to exclude her this time tells me some part of you is already aware this relationship is over. This is not a happy place for you. I would be unhappy too. Time to end it.” – Ok-Entrepreneur-9439
“ESH. The reason I think you may be the AH, too, is that if you continue down the road with this partner, you will continue to lie to her. And the lies will just keep getting bigger.” – jazzyma71
“YTA for being with someone who can’t celebrate you.” – Dalyb218
“Oh, look. She didn’t even go to the dinner and she is still ruining it for you.”
“You need to stand firm in your reasoning why you didn’t invite her. She is trying to twist the reasons why she wasn’t invited. If she is unable to calm down and listen and have some self-reflection, then maybe she isn’t the girl for you. Imagine if you have kids with her and she is competing with a daughter and doing the same thing in every situation? This type of behavior is exhausting.” – TallRelationship2243
“NTA. You guys are gonna break up, it’s just a matter of time. Loving her won’t make her respect you, my guy, and there are plenty of women out there who wouldn’t do this.”
“Frankly, don’t let her pull this bulls**t of making you feel like you’re in trouble at home, when it should be the opposite. She didn’t get to go due to her own behavior, if that upsets her, it is exclusively a HER problem.” – TheRealRedParadox
“NTA for not wanting her there. No one wants their significant other telling everyone about their woes while they are trying to celebrate.”
“YTA for lying to her, though. You should have told the truth or ended the relationship. Quick question though, why are you still with a woman who doesnt support you at your own celebration?” – Creepy-Stable-6192
Others understood what the OP was going through and reassured him that he was NTA.
“NTA. This is your big moment and achievement, and I don’t think you have to cater to anyone else’s needs on your celebratory night. It was thrown by your work, for you, in a professional manner, and was not necessary an obligatory partner invite.”
“You chose to keep it focused on you and I cannot see how that’s a bad thing. She should be taking a real look at herself and why you didn’t ask her to come.”
“But honestly, love of her aside. What kind of relationship do you really have that you don’t want to share these moments with your significant other. That you know she will try and bring you down instead of letting you shine. It doesn’t have to be a deal breaker, but you may need to have a step back and see if this is the type of partner you want to support you in life.” – i_have_spoken_0_0
“As a woman who dated someone similar, you’re NTA. My ex would literally fake injuries at other people’s events to get attention. During my sister’s graduation, she pretended to faint right as they called my sister’s name. Trust me, you saved yourself from a major headache.” – xoxoSunflower1
“As someone who does get intensely stupidly jealous when I’m not the centre of attention, but 100% acknowledge that as the wrong emotional response and feel shame for feeling it, I cannot imagine going out of my way to brute force the spotlight back onto me. Do they not feel shame for such a selfish, immature, histrionic emotional reaction?” – Mysterious-Job-469
“NTA. But you ARE ‘hiding her’ and ’embarrassed by her’! And you should be.”
“Instead of her taking to heart the fact that you didn’t want her there and taking responsibility for HER previous behavior that led you to do that, she ONCE AGAIN made it all about her.”
“The real question is why do you feel it’s your job to maintain such a high-maintenance person? You must be exhausted. You are allowed to be angry at her. Why aren’t you?”
“Dumping her isn’t the only solution because until you figure out yourself, you’ll just end up with someone else just like her. You learned to let yourself be treated like this from somewhere.”
“Please go to therapy and find out where and how to stop it. She always has the space to make it about her because you never take the space for yourself. Why?” – shellshokd212
“NTA. I think you should talk to her about the Employee of the Year dinner.”
“If this doesn’t go well, you should reconsider this relationship. Partners should respect each other’s voice and big moments. Her reaction and words are really violent and seem disproportionate to me.” – Ambrozian_
The subReddit reassured their fellow Redditor that there was nothing wrong with wanting to be celebrated from time to time and even for the spotlight to be on them from time to time.
By dating someone who was so insistent about being the center of attention, it seemed like the OP would have to keep his dating life and his celebrations separate if he ever wanted to celebrate his own achievements, but that didn’t seem like a good way to live life.