Keepsake is a term meaning “a small item kept in memory of the person who gave it or originally owned it” according to the Oxford English Dictionary.
They may nog be worth much monetarily. They may even be worthless. But they’re cherished for the memories they invoke.
Keepsakes can be especially important if the person theg belonged to has died.
But without a will, who owns such things? What if one family member had it seven years when another sibling takes it from their possessions and gives it away? Is asking for it back reasonable?
A younger sibling—with a severe aversion to capitalization, grammar, spelling, and punctuation—turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback after their older regifted one of their keepsakes.
*No, I’m not fixing it for them. Everyone should enjoy their stream of consciousness post in it’s most authentic form.
Classic-Amphibian963 asked:
“AITA for asking for my dead sister’s ring back after my brother used it to propose?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“my sister died when i was like 6 and she was 17. we weren’t super close or anything but i (19, female) still remember little bits of her. her laugh, how she always painted her nails, her posters. she was like this perfect angel to my mum after she passed. i barely remember the funeral.”
“when i was like 12 i found this old ring in her stuff. nothing fancy, just a silver ring w a small stone. it fit me and idk why, but i kept it. it wasn’t some big dramatic thing, i didn’t steal it or anything, i just… took it and started keeping it. i didn’t wear it loads or flaunt it, just had it in this little box and sometimes i’d look at it when i missed her. it kinda became this one thing that felt like mine, like my piece of her”
“i wore it on bad days as kind of a thing where she’s still with me, it sounds silly but it does make me feel better, most days it sits in a box under my bed”
“it was in her room which they never got rid of and even today it’s still there, at most it’s cleaned and dusted, but it’s mostly been the exact same as the day she passed”
“i found the ring in a drawer, don’t remember why I was looking there or why I was in her room at the time”
“so anyway last weekend we had this family lunch and my brother (27, male) brings his girlfriend (gf) who everyone knew he was gonna propose to. and yeah, he stands up, does the big speech and pulls out THE ring. my sister’s ring. the one i’ve kept for like 7 years”
“she died when I was 6, I found the ring when I was 12, and I’m now 19, that’s a really long time for him to stake his claim to a ring I’ve worn around the house for years”
“i literally froze. his gf starts crying, ppl are clapping, i’m just sat there like wtf. i look at my mum and she just smiles at me like nothing happened. after dinner i ask her was that the ring and she’s like yeah, your brother asked me and dad and we said it was fine. she said it was sweet and symbolic and my sister would’ve wanted it passed down or whatever”
“and i was like ??? it was never yours to give tho??? like i’ve had it for years?? and she just goes ‘oh come on it’s just a ring don’t be dramatic’. but like when i had it, it wasn’t ‘just a ring’.”
“so yeah i kinda snapped. waited till ppl were outside and told my brother i wanted it back. he laughed at first then was like no wtf and i said ok well then i’ll tell your gf where it came from and let her decide. he got mad said i was ruining his proposal and making it about me like always. my mum dragged me into the kitchen saying everyone noticed i wasn’t happy and that i left halfway thru dinner. yeah bc i was crying in the bathroom like ????”
“dad tried to calm it down but my brother kept going on about how selfish i was and that i’d been weird about my sister for years. i didn’t even say anything i just left early and went to a friend’s house, i live with my parents and haven’t spoken to any of them since. mum rang me yesterday saying have i calmed down and am i ready to say sorry and i said not really and she hung up”
“my cousin texted me later saying it was actually super messed up and she doesn’t blame me, but idk. i probably could’ve handled it better but i just felt so blindsided. it’s not even about the stupid ring it’s just like. they acted like it didn’t matter to me. like i didn’t matter”
“so yeah. aita?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“Am I the arshole for asking for my dead sister’s ring back from my brother?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“So they had the balls to take it out of your room, your box – not tell you about it and you are the dramatic one? They are thieves. NTA! And I would tell the girlfriend ASAP.” ~ UpbeatAd4822
“Yeah, OP needs to tell the girlfriend and see how she reacts knowing it’s a stolen ring.” ~ 2spooky4me5ever
“Especially since her brother is too cheap to buy an engagement ring and basically stole the ring from his sister. The family knew she would occasionally wear the ring and it was special to her as a link to her sister who passed away.”
“The ring has nominal value except for sentimental reasons. The brother could have spent a few dollars and bought another ring at the Dollar Store, but was too cheap to actually spend his own money for his fiancée.”
“At this point, I think she should tell the fiancée about the ring and see what she says. She may not want to be wearing a stolen ring from a dead person.” ~ Seesnowy
“Especially since said dead person would have been her sister-in-law. It’s something completely different if it’s Grandma’s heirloom engagement ring that was passed down the family instead of stolen from the younger sister.” ~ Inocain
“Wait this one out. Your brother didn’t use a family heirloom stored in his mother’s jewelry box and lovingly handed down. He didn’t use a ring he had kept in his own possession as a memento of your shared sister.”
“He—or one of your parents—went into your things and took the ring without talking to you first. What he did was creepy. That is why his girlfriend did not stay a fiancée—she realized she was dating a creep.”
“People will eventually figure out the truth of the situation if they calm down and think about what actually happened.” ~ Pear_tickle
The OP provided an update:
*Yes, I fixed the spelling, grammar, punctuation, capitalization—I couldn’t take it any more!
“While the final judgment of my last post seemed to be NTA, I’m still so confused with the overwhelming amount of comments that said I was in the wrong.”
“But one thing that a lot of people did say is that I need to tell my brother’s fiancée. And I guess that’s right, as it did feel like I ruined her day with my strop, so afterwards I messaged, apologised, and asked her to meet up for lunch as an apology for the other day.”
“I wasn’t gonna ask for the ring back. I just wanted for her to at least know my side of the story, I guess.”
“Anyway we meet up for lunch, blah, blah, small talk or whatever. And she shows me the ring and tells me that, ‘oh it’s so pretty, I know it’s not expensive, but if it means so much to your brother for me to have, it means so much to me’.”
“It’s an inexpensive ring but it is extremely pretty and if someone proposed to me with that ring without knowing the context I would be quite happy.”
“Like? OK, just miss out crucial info when telling your future wife then, I guess. So I blurted it all out.”
“I kinda just stared at the ring and didn’t know what to say and she began apologising a lot, saying ‘I didn’t know, I’m sorry’ and I finally got ‘my’ ring back or whoever’s ring you wanna call it.”
“I was near tears and she took me back to my friend’s house, as I thought that was gonna be it.”
“Later I get a call from my bro where he says that ‘I’m selfish’ and ‘I’m so weird about my sister’ and that I couldn’t let him have his day and it had to be about me, telling me that I just ruined his marriage, and that I can’t claim anything with my sister because I was way too young to have a relationship.”
“He ended the call and I tried calling both my parents, but they wouldn’t pick up until my dad called later telling me he’s ‘disappointed’ how I handled things and that I’ve blown up my brother’s relationship over a person I barely knew.”
“And honestly, I don’t know at this point. I feel it’s all gone a bit too far. I don’t think I can ever fave [no idea what ‘fave’ means, slang maybe] coming home and I’ve just ruined my brother’s marriage.”
In a separate post on an advice only subReddit, the OP posted:
* The OP got a lot of complaints about their writing, so they’re doing better all on their own in this one.
“My parents blame me for ruining my brothers marriage over my dead sisters ring”
“But essentially after I told my brothers ex fiancée that the ring he used to propose was a keepsake I kept of my late sister, she gave it back and I presume broke up with him”
“As of now I’ve been staying at my friend’s house and will be moving in to stay with my boyfriend for a bit when he comes back from holiday”
“My parents have taken his side and they want nothing to do with me, my brother is the same”
“No one in my family even if they are sympathetic can get through to them and amend stuff. It seems the only way to repair the relationship would be to give the ring back but even then I don’t think I can”
“I’m at a loss and idk what to do and how to go about it, feels like I’ll never be able to come home”
Best of luck to the OP.
It sounds like a lot of conversations need to take place to understand what happened and why the brother and OP’s parents felt entitled to go through her things to take the ring.
That’s some serious boundary ignoring behavior.