When we see a friend who could use our help, our first inclination is to do so.
Even when they don’t ask specifically.
Helping someone out when they don’t ask for it can be met with a wide variety of reactions.
Some are grateful that someone took the initiative, while others feel people were being presumptuous.
Especially depending on the time and place.
While out eating with friends, a recent Redditor noticed that one of their friends could use a helping hand.
Though the friend appeared grateful, their restaurant was anything but.
Calling what the OP did with their friend “disgusting.”
Fearing they may have crossed a line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for tying my friend’s hair up at a restaurant because it was falling into his face?”
The OP explained why they found themselves at odds with a server when out with friends:
“My friends and I are college students, aged 19-21, and we started a tradition at the beginning of this year where every 2 weeks or so, we’ll go out to a different diner or restaurant.”
“One of us has Celiac’s, and we discovered during this tradition that a specific breakfast diner has really good gluten-free pancakes, so we’ve been going there more frequently outside of our bi-weekly thing.”
“This Friday, we went to a new location of this diner.”
“We live in a rural area, so the drive was about half an hour, and my friend, N, had just gotten out of the shower before this, assuming his hair would dry by the time we got to the restaurant.”
“As we go inside and get seated, our waitress looked about our age and was very kind and accommodating, and generally treated us like peers instead of being condescending, which is an issue we’ve had with waiters in the past due to looking like young high schoolers.”
“We were even talking after she took our orders about how nice and wonderful she was.”
“N, at this point, has his hair dry, and since it’s long, it’s no longer sticking back and is instead falling into his face every time he tries to talk.”
“I’m the only one with a hair tie, so I have him turn away and pull it back into a ponytail for him.”
“At the same time, our waitress comes back, and has another waitress with her who is helping her carry over our plates.”
“The second waitress is an older woman, and immediately gets very rude.”
“The first words she says, before she even puts down the plates, is ‘You shouldn’t be doing someone’s hair in here while you’re trying to eat’.”
“That’s disgusting, with a sneer and in a condescending tone.”
“Mind you, we have not said a word to this woman, none of us have any food on the table, and we have been nothing but kind to the waitstaff since the moment we walked in.”
“None of us responds to her, but one of my friends thanks the waitresses for our food while the rest of us sit there, uncomfortable.”
“She gave us a weird look as she walked away, and kept glaring at our table every time she was nearby.”
“We debated tipping less than 20% for that, but then we realized that assuming the tip would be shared with the rude waitress would be punishing the good one, and we each tipped 20% on our bills anyway.”
“I’m not sure if there’s some sort of unspoken rule that we broke here, or if I was being disrespectful by not responding to her or something?”
“I didn’t think it meant anything, and we all agreed at the time that this waitress was being rude, maybe having a bad day or something, but I’ve been thinking that maybe I was in the wrong.”
“AITA, or should she have minded her own business?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community largely agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for helping with their friend’s hair.
Just about everyone agreed that the OP was only helping their friend out, and that the server was out of line and should have minded her own business:
“As a server, I don’t see the big deal.”
“She’s way out of line.”
“I did speak up to one woman who thought it was ok to change her kids diaper in the middle of a busy diner, and another for cutting their nails at the bar.”
“Unless you were actively brushing it and hair was going everywhere, you’re good.”
“NTA on behalf of this old cranky server.”- hopelesscaribou
“What you did for your friend was quick and kind.”
“‘You shouldn’t be doing someone’s hair in here while you’re trying to eat. That’s disgusting’.”
“Not her business.”
“She isn’t your mom, friend or mentor.”
“Literally not her business.”
“And she sounds like that one judgmental  AH.”
“You are NTA.”- Fit-Bumblebee-6420
“NTA.”
“But also why is everyone against you being nice and helping out a friend.”
“Like to me it’s odd so many care about that.”- anotherace
“NTA.”
“Sometimes you have to adjust or redo a ponytail, and sometimes it’s in a restaurant.”
“You would be inappropriate if you were flipping hair, brushing it, or using hairspray.”
“If this were a really high-end establishment, it would be better to excuse yourself to the bathroom to do hair, but I don’t see the gathering and fastening of a ponytail to be a problem at a diner.”
“Good for you for tipping anyway.”- CarpenterMom
“NTA.”
“But why can’t he tie his own hair?”- Spiritual_Address_18
“NTA.”
“People put their hair up all the time before and during meals, including myself.”
“Old lady was just being a demanding old lady.”
“If you’d pulled out a hairbrush and were brushing out hair or even filing your nails, I could understand saying something.”
“But she’s just got a chip on her shoulder.”- Local_business_disco
“NTA.”
“She was rude and trying a power trip since you were younger.”
“Some people are unhappy with themselves and everyone else, and you happened to meet her.”
“You could write a review in which you state that we had a very kind young waitress and a rude older one.”- Spare_Ad5009
“NTA.”
“And I’m sorry so many people are making weird assumptions about your friendship that have nothing to do with the story!”
“You did nothing wrong, there wasn’t even food on the table yet (and even if there had been, there are so many more offensive things you could’ve been doing.”
“It’s not like someone at a different table saw what you were doing and complained.”
“Some people just have a stick up their a**, y’know?”
“Best you can do is just ignore them, and good on you for making sure your good waitress still got tipped.”- StaringAtStarshine
“I’m a server, and what I find much more disgusting is when people change their baby at the table, then leave the dirty diaper for the bussers to throw away.”
“Or, also, when people put their baby carriers on top of the table (where tf has that thing even been?”
“What kinda nasty floors has it been on?”
“& now it’s in your eating space?”
“Gross if u ask me.”
“Or people who bring their ESA in and claim it’s a service dog yet let it sit up in the booth with them.”
“I know sometimes with smaller REAL service dogs and certain conditions this can be necessary, but it was always clearly untrained, big dogs that were the worst for this, and like at least 95% of service dogs are trained to stay under the table.”
“Also, she was way out of line to be saying this?”
“For all she knew, he could have mobility issues where he couldn’t put his own hair up, or he couldn’t easily get to the bathroom to do it there?”
“Also, if y’all are opposite genders, you most likely couldn’t have even gone to the bathroom together even if you wanted to?”
“Lastly, id be pissed if i was your main/first server, because that comment would definitely put MY tip in jeopardy! assuming tips aren’t split between servers, though obviously, though I’ve personally never encountered a place that does this myself.”
“NTA of course.”-lilmavis1
“If your friend consented, NTA, and no one else’s opinion really matters.”
“That said, I think most people would hand over the hair tie so the person can do their own hair, rather than doing it for them.”- Independent_Prior612
It is the job of restaurant employees to ensure that the hygiene and cleanliness of the establishment are maintained.
However, tying a friend’s hair back into a ponytail hardly puts anyone at risk.
It’s the main goal of any restaurant to convince its customers to return.
Something one doubts the OP and their friends will be doing to this particular diner after the way they were treated.