Some people think dogs are awesome, some people feel differently.
Children can have many problems with dogs.
Big dogs in particular can cause anxiety in small kids.
This can be an issue when visiting the homes of friends and family who own pets.
Redditor Upbeat-Egg2923 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA Not Forcing My Son to Go to a Birthday Party because of the host’s dogs?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My son is 8 and in 3rd grade.”
“He recently got invited to a friend’s birthday party at their house.”
“Last school year, he and this friend were pretty close, and they started hanging out outside of school.”
“Turns out, my son doesn’t like going to the friend’s house because they have a pair of G[erman] S[hepherd]s.”
“They are big dog people.”
“Because of the dogs, I gently worked it out where the friend would come over to our house or go to a 3rd space.”
“More recently, sports have picked up, and so there is less time for these hangouts.”
“So, inherently, we haven’t had to address or avoid going to this friend’s house.”
“I asked him if he wanted to go to the party.”
“He said only if the dogs weren’t there.”
“I said okay.”
“I broached the topic with the friend’s parents, and they shut it down on removing or putting away the dogs.”
“They said it’s the dog’s house too, and if we put them away, they’ll destroy the room they put them in.”
“I told them my son would not be coming.”
“They got mad.”
“The party is next weekend.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NAH. Your son doesn’t want to go because there are big dogs that scare him, and you support him.”
“Spot. You’re not raising a spoiled child; you’re raising someone who knows how to recognize when they’re uncomfortable.”
“Other parents can keep their dogs loose as much as they want, but they must also accept that this limits who can feel comfortable in their home.”
“They can’t get angry because someone chooses not to attend.”
“Parties are for fun, not involuntary exposure therapy.”
“You did the right thing: you asked, you offered alternatives, you were respectful.”
“If there is no fix, it just won’t go away.”
“End of story.” ~ SocietyNo7720
“The other parents are TA.”
‘The idea of having 2 German Shepherds roaming freely during a kids’ party is just terrible.”
“These are very intelligent but high-strung dogs.”
“My friend had a German Shepherd and a Maltese; they were best friends.”
“My friend threw a dinner party (adults, no kids, nothing wild) and let the dogs lie underneath the dining table.”
“The German Shepherd got so wound up that she turned and grabbed her best friend, the Maltese, and broke his neck.”
“Dead Maltese, German Shepherd was never the same again, utter disaster.”
“NEVER let dogs roam free during a party!!! NTA.” ~ TipElectronic535
“NTA, and if they can’t put the dogs away without them destroying the room, then they clearly have issues with these dogs anyway.” ~ GiddyGabby
“I have a big dog who is service trained and knows not to jump on people, beg, or do anything of the sort.”
“I still put him in his crate or in a different room when maintenance or anyone else comes in, because I know not everyone is okay with big dogs and while I know he is perfectly safe to be around, other people don’t know that and I’d rather them feel comfortable and safe for the short time they’re in my home than make a big deal out of nothing.”
“It’s not a problem for him to be in a different room or in his crate – that’s what those things are for.”
“If their dogs destroy the room when they’re put away, it sounds like they’re badly trained, and having them running around during the party is a recipe for disaster anyhow.”
“I wouldn’t want a kid going over to that kind of mess either, especially with powerful breeds like that. NTA!” ~ OutragedPineapple
“NTA. I think the fact that the dogs will destroy a room when left unsupervised would make me ok with not letting my child go to that house.”
“That sounds like bad separation anxiety, which can lead to other unwanted behaviors.”
“I kinda understand the dog owners… my dog was part of the family.”
“No one in my social circle had a fear of dogs, so I never had to isolate her; however, if a guest had expressed being afraid of dogs, my pooch would’ve had zero issues with taking a nap in my bedroom.”
“It sucks that they can’t/won’t do this for at least a birthday party.” ~ MrsNaypeer
“NTA. If he’s uncomfortable, he should not go.”
“The other parents were wrong for getting upset, though.”
“They made their choice, and you and your son made yours.” ~ Decent_Front4647
“We had rotweillers when the kids were small.”
“We also had a piece of the yard sectioned off to put them in when we had guests over.”
“This protected both the guests and the dogs from overenthusiasm.”
“Not all people are comfortable with large dogs.” ~ Green_Parfait9407
“Absolutely NTA.”
“Your son doesn’t want to go and has made this clear.”
“Good job for listening to him and respecting his wishes.”
“The parent’s reaction concerns me.”
“If those dogs will ‘destroy’ a room during the party, they are not trained well, and I would be reluctant to have my child around them.” ~ Fun-Holiday9016
“You are NTA to ask them to put them away.”
“They are not the AH for refusing… but they are AHs for getting mad about you not bringing your son.” ~ Electrical-Dingo7675
“NTA, they are mildly TA.”
“Your son isn’t wrong for not going because he’s not comfortable with the dogs.”
“They’re not wrong for refusing to put the dogs in a room for a party, even if they would for something like having work done on the house or whatever.”
“You’re not wrong for politely declining the invitation on your son’s behalf, according to his wishes.”
“They can be disappointed, but they should not make that your problem by expressing anger toward you.”
“It’s a natural potential consequence of their stance on the dogs.”
“It’s fine, but they have to accept that some people won’t be coming to their house.” ~ PinkNGreenFluoride
“NTA at all.”
“I’m a huge dog person.”
“I have three dogs.”
“They usually have free rein of the house.”
“But when we have guests, they are put away.”
“ESPECIALLY if the kids have friends over.”
“I am simply not taking that risk.”
“Anything could happen.”
“My dogs go into their own room with their beds and a door to their own yard.”
“They actually feel safer and happier.”
“Guests make them nervous, and they prefer being in their bedroom.” ~ AriasK
“NTA. It’s fine of you to ask and also fine of them to say they’re not gonna put the dogs away, but them getting mad at you is absurd (also sounds like the dogs aren’t trained).” ~ softballpants
“NTA. Your son does not want to go to a place where he does not feel safe.”
“You won’t make him go.”
“That makes you a loving parent.”
“Sounds like you asked the hosts in a general way for the information and made a reasonable decision.”
“The hosts sound immature.”
“They can’t accept a ‘no’ rsvp?”
“They are overthinking and putting emotion into this.”
“I hope your son and the birthday boy can maintain a friendship despite the birthday boy’s parents.”
“They sound like some winning dog parents, too (sarcasm)!” ~ ZealousidealPay608
“NTA. If he’s uncomfortable around them and they won’t separate them from them, do not send him.”
“I love dogs, but GSDs will sense his fear.”
“I’ve known them to intentionally intimidate people whom they sense are afraid.”
“Not saying they would harm him, but they could mess with him if inclined.” ~ Active_Palpitation71
“NTA. Your son’s comfort comes first. “
“I can’t believe they would get upset about him not attending because of his fear.”
“Not every person on the planet is going to be rapturously in love with their dogs.” ~ IdealDramatic9740
“NAH. Going to a party or not should be your son’s decision.”
“He said he didn’t want to go if the dogs were going to be there, and they will be.”
“It is perfectly reasonable for someone who does not like dogs to be unwilling to be around them.”
“And it is reasonable to ask that the dogs be kept away from you (or to ask that on behalf of your son).”
“At the same time, it is reasonable to refuse to lock up your dogs in your own home, at least in a situation where everyone can be clear on the rules in advance and no one is forced to be there.”
“If you did force your son to go, you would be an AH, and if the other parents knew your son was being forced and still kept the dogs around him, they would also be AHs.”
“But as it is, your son is getting to control his exposure to the dogs, and his friend’s parents are getting to have their dogs have the run of their home.” ~ philautos
“NTA. Your son doesn’t want to go, full stop.”
“They aren’t TA for declining to put away the dogs, but they became TA when they got mad at you for not going.” ~ ConflictGullible392
Reddit agrees with you, OP.
You are concerned for your child.
You were polite and truthful.
They don’t have to shut their dog away, but they should be more understanding.
If you care, maybe drop off a gift.
Good Luck.