There are stealthy cheaters in the world, and then there are cheaters who could not be more obvious if they printed, “I’m cheating!” on the side of every city bus, blimp, and airplane in the nation.
But it’s these obvious cheaters who have the audacity to act like nothing is going on until there’s no way for them to deny it anymore, eye-rolled the masses in the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor IceQueenYouAndMe had been dating a guy for a while, long enough for them to form meaningful relationships with each other’s friends. But then she noticed that her boyfriend may have been becoming too friendly with her friend, Stacey.
When his friendliness went so far as to be concerned when Stacey had a cold, and to even argue that he had to stay the night at her place to take care of her instead of coming home, the Original Poster (OP) was certain something else was going on, even when he insisted she was overreacting.
She asked the sub:
“AIO for being mad that my boyfriend stayed the night at another woman’s apartment just because she had a cold or the flu?”
The OP thought her boyfriend was too close to one of her friends.
“I’m (27 Female) currently in another state.”
“My boyfriend (27 Male) has made friends with my friends, including Stacey (35 Female).”
“Last night, I got suspicious after this message exchange after wanting my boyfriend to watch a funny TikTok video.”
“Stacey is a young, healthy, and fit woman, so I wouldn’t think a cold or the flu would put in that much danger that she needs someone to stay with her.”
The OP also included two screenshots of her conversation with her boyfriend, which you can see here:
When the boyfriend insisted on staying, the OP asked:
“What do you mean? Does she need to go to the hospital? What are her symptoms?”
Her boyfriend replied with the basics:
“Sneezing, stuffy nose, runny nose, sore throat, cough, etc.”
The OP questioned further:
“What’s her temperature? Is she sweating? Is she having trouble breathing?”
Her boyfriend stated:
“Normal temp. She’s sweaty from that steam thing and all the layers. No trouble breathing.”
The OP then called her boyfriend out.
“Babe…..”
“No fever? That sounds like it’s just a cold.”
“What are you even doing for her? Why do YOU need to stay over?”
The boyfriend deadpanned:
“Taking care of her.”
“Message her or video chat with her since you have so many questions.”
The OP could tell that Stacey was sick when she called, but she couldn’t rationalize her boyfriend’s need to stay the night at her place.
“When Stacey and I video chatted, she actually looked sick.”
“Her nose is red, chapped, and swollen. She was sneezing and sniffling. But she didn’t cough once.”
“Her breathing was fine. She looked sweaty but not feverish. She was even smiling.”
But that didn’t stop her boyfriend from staying the night anyway.
“This morning, I videochatted with my boyfriend and he did indeed stay at Stacey’s.”
“Stacey still had her red nose, and she was sneezing, but she was walking around in regular pajamas.”
“I feel like I shouldn’t even have to tell them how mad this all makes me.”
“I don’t know what their deal is. Even though we have been over her apartment dozens of times, it’s still weird that they are so comfortable with each other. When I was single, I couldn’t imagine a platonic guy friend staying over just because I had a cold, unless we wanted to change the platonic part.”
“AIO?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some simply reassured the OP that this situation was crazy and that she was NOR.
“Not overreacting. That s**t is insane to me.” – Inevitable_Aide_7145
“OP needs to tell her boyfriend that she’ll be sleeping over at a guy friend’s place because he’s coughing to take care of him. See how her boyfriend overreacts.”
“Him getting angry would prove that his stance is stupid, because all she would be doing is just giving a hypothetical of the situation that he just did on her back to him. If she’s getting angry, then why does he think it’s okay for him to do it? NOR.” – Former_Elderberry647
“He’s all like, ‘Stacey has the sniffles, I better go hold her hand through the night.'”
“Even if he isn’t sleeping with her (hah), it’s still crossing a boundary. It’s being way too invested, RIDICULOUSLY invested, in the health and well-being of a platonic friend, to such a degree that said friend will either be creeped out by this level of attention or get the ‘wrong’ idea. It’s giving intimacy and care well beyond platonic norms.” – SnooGuavas4208
“You asked the very reasonable question if she needed to go to the hospital or had a fever.”
“Also, why would a 35-YEAR-OLD woman want some dude staying the night at her place unless she was very comfortable with the idea of him being there overnight? You would think her not feeling well would make her not want him there… especially if it’s the first time, which makes me think it isn’t.” – Foreign-Cow-1189
“NOR, but… Some people are stupid, trusting their significant others. It’s beyond insane. A good partner has boundaries and maintains respectful boundaries for the sake of the relationship. Honestly, it would be hard to believe this man isn’t sleeping with this flu-infected woman.” – thentheflood
But most were certain that the OP’s boyfriend had either cheated on her or would soon.
“Honestly, it kind of looks like the boyfriend is trying to blow up his relationship… like he just stopped caring and decided he’s moving on to this other chick. No offense to the OP, but long-distance relationships are not for the weak.” – Caserious
“‘She looked sweaty but not feverish. She was even smiling.'”
“…I’ll bet. I’m sorry, OP. NOR.” – My-Dog-Says-No
“The lengths people go to cheat really confuses me. Just break up!” – Doomkittykitty6
“Even if they’re not banging right now because she might be sick for real, he clearly wants to bang; his intentions are clear as day, and that’s all the OP needs to walk away.”
“I get the impression that he’s trying to bond with her friend first before he pursues her. And probably her friend is reciprocating in some way too, for him to do this, because I know there’s no way in hell I would be ok with my friend’s boyfriend staying the night at my place; that would be crossing the line and be very disrespectful to my friend. Unless they were in an open relationship or poly and my friend was totally okay with it, which doesn’t seem to be the case here.”
“And her friend is not a little girl, she’s a 35-year-old woman, she definitely knows what’s up, and she’s allowing it or entertaining it. The OP needs to get stronger-minded and put an end to this. Both of them are being super disrespectful towards her and insulting her intelligence.” – ScallionOk603
“Weird behavior. I get taking over a care package or something, but staying overnight for the sniffles? Your boyfriend is trying to bang Stacey… and her mom.” – BadMoFo84
“You’re very right. I think this would make most people uncomfortable, and it sucks that when you told him you weren’t comfortable with it, he did it anyway. That’s not okay in my book. If she were really your friend, she also would have told him to leave once she knew you were not okay with it. Something is definitely seems to be going on!!” – 19Mel92
“I’m pretty sure he’s already banging Stacey. The only alternative is that he wants to, but Stacey won’t let him, but she still enjoys the attention and how uncomfortable it makes OP.”
“Otherwise, she wouldn’t let him stay over at all. Either way, bin him.” – davyp82
“Dropping off soup and double-checking if anything else is needed before going home and remaining a safe distance is more than enough. Or like, I don’t know… tell her to call her parents or another friend to come stay with her?”
“Dude is f**king Stacey or trying to.” – UncFest3r
“He’s not your boyfriend, and she’s not your friend. They’re both playing in your face. NOR.” – gdron123
“If nothing is going on between them, shouldn’t Stacey know it wouldn’t look good and make you uncomfortable? The worst-case scenario is that they are cheating. The best case scenario is they are kind of thoughtless and inconsiderate.” – glittering-list3410
“Please dump his a** out of the house.”
“He didn’t ask how you felt about this because he doesn’t care how YOU feel. People with the flu have a fever, and grown a** people don’t ask their platonic friends to stay.” – Nightmarecrusher
The subReddit could not believe how much the OP’s boyfriend and her friend were disrespecting her, right in front of her, while she was voicing how uncomfortable all of this was making her.
Clearly, the OP’s boyfriend and the OP’s friend were not good people for her to have in her life, because if they were, and these actions were innocent, they would have changed plans and done everything they could to make the OP comfortable and earn her trust back.
The bar truly is the lowest it’s ever been.