Discussing a person’s hygiene isn’t always an easy conversation.
Most of the time, when someone’s odor is an issue, people try to be nice about letting a person know.
But nobody wants to be told they stink.
It can be very embarrassing.
And when that happens, people aren’t as grateful about the information as one would hope.
Redditor askingAITAquestion wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling the bride that her armpits smell on her wedding day since I was the M[aid]-O[f]-H[onor]?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (27 F[emale]) have a B[est] F[riend] (27 F) who got married recently.”
“It was an outdoor wedding in the middle of the day on the West Coast.”
“During the reception portion, she was sweaty, and her armpits smelled.”
“I discreetly told her, since that’s what we usually do for each other.”
“Before she married her husband (28 M[ale]), she had gotten mad at him one time because he didn’t warn her that she smelled when they went to a fancy event.”
“She excused herself.”
“I had smelled my own pits, so I excused myself as well to freshen up.”
“When I returned, she was back, and she smelled great again.”
“I thought I did as well.”
“When she got back from her honeymoon, she told me I made her self-conscious for the rest of the wedding.”
“She said I made her feel bad, and she said she’s mad at me for ruining her big day.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Am I the a**hole?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. If my maid of honour didn’t tell me I smelled during my literal wedding, I think I’d be pissed… lol.” ~ illbethejudgeofthat_
“NTA. Better a quick heads up than walking around all day not knowing.” ~ djesurun1
“So pissed.”
“It’s like, in the MOH job description. NTA.” ~ uhohohnohelp
“Right, best friend, or even just extremely close friend and maid of honor, is kinda up there with sibling or parent in terms of what to deal with and how.”
“Maybe OP’s nose is exceptional, but most people would want to know.”
“Would it be better for the bride to notice on her own later?”
“I don’t think most people would have preferred that.” ~ mlc885
“Exactly, think of how many people you hug on your wedding day.”
“Would you rather have someone you love and trust discreetly let you know so that you can take care of it, or have your spouse’s childhood friend, whom you’ve met once, comment on it?”
“Or worse, nobody says anything to you but they’re joking about it behind your back.”
“OP could have gone about it slightly better if she’d grabbed the bride’s deodorant, taken it to her, and pulled her someplace discreet to apply it instead of just telling her outright without providing an easy solution… but that’s in an ideal world where every maid of honor thinks like an event planner. NTA.” ~ Wynfleue
“It’s almost equal to someone not telling you that you have lipstick on your teeth.”
“You have a MOH/bridesmaids to look out for you on your day. NTA.” ~ thatoneredheadgirl
“NTA – I’d be mad if my best friend DIDN’T tell me she could smell me.” ~ cake_agent2101
“Oh boy.”
“This is a damned if you do/damned if you don’t situation.”
“The bride should be more self-aware – would doing the opposite (saying nothing, and letting her smell bad all day) have been better?”
“Of course not.”
“You were discreet and protected her privacy and, more than anything, helped her fix it.”
“Most definitely NTA.” ~ owls_and_cardinals
“When she got back from her honeymoon, she told me I made her self-conscious for the rest of the wedding. She said I made her feel bad, and she said she’s mad at me for ruining her big day. Am I the a**hole?”
“NTA. You were shot as the messenger.”
“If I were you, I’d take that as my cue never to be the messenger for her ever again.”
“You can still be friends with her, but she obviously isn’t one of those people who can be grateful for being given a heads up, even when it helps her out.”
“She also sounds like someone who would have been equally angry at you if she somehow found out that you knew she smelled but didn’t say anything.”
“The only way to win would have been to have a magic wand that retroactively removed the stench while keeping her oblivious of the whole situation.” ~ kurokomainu
“Honestly, NAH.”
“It was very good of you to let her know; it’s obviously not great to walk around smelling bad.”
“But I can see her side as well.”
“As someone who gets VERY self-conscious about smelling bad, it must have been awful for her to be worried about that all day long, on her wedding day.” ~ UnicornPoopPile
“NTA, you did exactly what a maid of honour and good friend should do: let her know discreetly so she could duck away and take care of it before someone else noticed.”
“The only thing I might have done differently is reassure her later on during the wedding so she isn’t self-conscious about it.” ~ mousicle
“NTA. That’s a super easy fix, as demonstrated by the fact that the bride excused herself for a few minutes and came back smelling fresh.”
“Everyone smells sometimes.”
“She might just be extra sensitive about it because it was her wedding, but you did right by telling her discreetly.”
“Her being self-conscious is her issue; nothing you did should have made her feel bad.” ~ GirlL1997
“NTA. Her body odor would have been noticed by her guests as she mingled.”
“It was easily corrected.”
“And she was able to correct it.”
“It’s like someone having broccoli in their teeth.”
“Better to be embarrassed by being told than noticing 3 hours after lunch and wondering who saw it.” ~ LAC_NOS
“NTA. It was a two-second fix that saved her from embarrassment for the rest of her wedding.”
“While I understand that it may have made her hyper-aware for the rest of the event (I would be!!), the alternative of finding out later from someone else and wondering how many people noticed would have been far worse.” ~ Vikster2468
“NTA. The bride is though.”
“You totally saved her potential embarrassment from hundreds of guests… and because you were the messenger, she’s mad at you because ‘you made her feel bad’ on her wedding day.”
“I hate folks like this… they lack accountability and blame everyone else and have no emotional regulation or maturity.” ~ DokCrimson
“I would be grateful if someone pointed that out to me.”
“Imagine how much worse it could’ve gotten if you hadn’t?”
“You’re definitely NTA.”
“If that seriously ruined her day, she’s got some work to do on herself.” ~ bugz7998
“NTA. Sounds like she’s looking for an excuse for not enjoying the day as much as she thought she would. Imagine how she would have reacted if she realized later in the evening that she had smelled most of the day?”
“You did a great job telling her, she’s just annoyed the day didn’t turn out as planned for her.” ~ International-Fee255
“NTA, but you could have been more tactful.”
“Like, ‘hey, let’s go to the dressing room and freshen up together,’ then when you get to the room, say something like, it’s hot out, let’s both reapply antiperspirant so we can make it through the rest of the day.”
“Let her sniff her own pits, and you don’t have to be the one to tell her she smells.”
“It’s a good idea or reminder for brides and their MOH to plan a time to help the bride use the bathroom, freshen up, reapply deodorant, perfume, and touch up makeup rather than waiting until it’s awkward.” ~ Sufficient-Skill6012
“No… wow, so she’s the one who wouldn’t tell you if you had a tampon string hanging out of your bikini?”
“Or that you have broccoli in your teeth? Huh.”
“Think on that a minute.”
“I think about the strangers who told me and how glad I was that they did, but it would have been better if it had come from a good friend.”
“And to think, she stewed on this during her entire honeymoon?”
“Oof. NTA.” ~ Realistic-Weird-4259
“NTA; I’m sure she was embarrassed and self-conscious, but I’ve always believed that if something can be fixed quickly, it should be mentioned discreetly.”
“Food in the teeth, tag sticking up, makeup smeared, etc.” ~ Watchingpornwithcas
“NTA. I would want somebody to tell me.”
“A lot of people tend to sweat more when nervous, and it can have more of a smell too.”
“I was very nervous on my wedding day (pits stayed fresh though) and if I’d started to smell I’d have wanted to know so I could fix it.” ~ WalnutTree80
“NTA. I would definitely want to know if I were the bride!”
“Or actually at any time!”
“It is not the OP’s fault that the bride was distracted by it.”
“Once resolved, she could have just gone on and enjoyed the day, in my opinion.” ~ Reasonable_Star_959
“NTA, but I wonder if she didn’t have backup deodorant.”
“If you smell and you just use bathroom hand soap and a paper towel without fresh deodorant, you’ll start smelling again in 10 minutes.”
“That would make her self-conscious.” ~ eireann113
“NTA. Let her feel as she does.”
“You did the right thing, and she will get over it.”
“If she does not, then she is a fool.”
“I’d rather a friend who says something.” ~ SandsinMotion
Reddit is with you, OP.
You were doing a favor for your friend.
You wanted her not to be embarrassed.
It’s not an easy issue to discuss.
Hopefully, when she calms down, she’ll come around and realize you did the right thing.