As a Gen-Xer, youth activities were sparse in my childhood.
From that perspective, the number of after school and weekend activities has exploded in the last few decades.
One of the biggest additions is youth sports—especially soccer and t-ball where kids can start as early as 3-4 years old.
A mother overwhelmed by the idea of her 4-year-old partaking in weekend youth activities turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
SingerDue4540 asked:
“AITA for not wanting my 4-year-old daughter to join a soccer team simply because I don’t want to get up early every Saturday?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My husband has said he thinks I’m being selfish and I am. But I am being strategic here.”
“I’m a mom of two 4 and under. Currently 5 months pregnant. I’m a kindergarten teacher and I have narcolepsy….so needless to say I’m tired all the time.”
“Saturday is the one day in my week where there are no set plans and I like it that way. Why do I need to ruin the one day I get to choose what I want to do, just so my 4-year-old who probably won’t know what she is missing can go play a sport she probably isn’t ready to play anyway?”
“She has years to pick up a hobby/extracurricular. I just don’t see the point right now other than to stress me out even more than I already am.”
“Point blank, I’m just tired and don’t want to, so I can’t even say it’s not selfish, but we are allowed to be selfish on some things and I feel justified because I’m at my personal capacity.”
“My husband won’t even be able to help with every game because he sometimes works weekend, so no, I’m not interested in putting my kids in sports right now because I will likely flake on those days he works.”
“Also we live in a very hot state. I have zero interest in spending more time outside than I have to.”
“My daughter is super flip floppy, so she says she likes something and then will move on quickly. With swimming that’s a necessity. Dance is not necessary, but something she genuinely tries to do everyday and has consistently done.”
“Soccer is something her dad has suggested to her, so I’m not sure if she is just going along with it or if she is genuinely interested.”
“My husband’s reasoning is he wants her to be athletic and mostly that she will make friends and have fun socializing. I’d rather help her socialize through play dates, not a weekly commitment to be on a team.”
“My in-laws have made it clear they agree that it would be good for her and I’m being unfair. My family thinks it’s not that important right now at 4, but say she would have fun.”
“So what do you think? AITA?”
The OP later added:
“I find a culture that requires kids to start at 4 or they’ll never be able to play later to be toxic from the start. Not that there’s anything wrong with competition, but children should be given many chances to participate.”
“The only kids who get ahead in that system aren’t those who deserve it, but those whose parents were well off enough for them to participate at such young ages.”
“I’m not athletic at all, so maybe I’m biased. But I can also say my daughter’s run alone signifies that she may take after me more than her father. She can’t run with any speed to save her life.”
“So I’m not expecting her to go pro at anything, nor do I really want her to. She’s 4! She should be able to just have fun with zero pressure on her future success.”
“It’s insane the way we have treated athletics and kids. I would say it’s more toxic than helpful for many kids. Also, some kids resent being made to go to all these sports.”
“I had a kindergartener a few years ago break down crying because his parents kept him so busy after school and on weekends, and all he wanted to do was rest at home. He said he barely had time in the day to even drink water.”
“That’s sad! I’m not doing that to my kid for some tiny chance she goes pro. I just want her to learn some structure and have fun, that’s it.”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I don’t want to enroll my daughter in team sports at school because I’m a tired mom and don’t feel like roasting in the Texas sun on Saturday mornings, and everyone around me thinks I’m being selfish to keep her from her friends.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“If the in-laws think soccer is so important, they can volunteer to drive her to and from her games + practices. Problem solved! NTA.” ~ swiftiebookworm22
“The people who are emotionally attached to her participating are the ones who need to be responsible for it.”
“She’s 4. She’s not the one who cares. There are plenty of ways for her to be active and socialize. It’s not exclusive to soccer on Saturdays.”
“There will be plenty of opportunities for sports in the future that don’t involve you sacrificing your mental health and well-being. Time for you is important too.” ~ bandgeek_babe
“Having coached the under-5s soccer team last year because there was no one else and my niece was on the team (I was the only spectator who actually knew the rules and had an active Working With Children’s check) – this is entirely accurate.”
“Most of the kids were more concerned with finding four-leaf clovers or looking at butterflies. You had to set them up where the ball might bounce off one of them into the goal.”
“It was basically playing pinball with preschoolers. Not one game went by without three kids crying. More than once a kid laid down and fell asleep on the pitch.” ~ goshyarnit
“Ordinary, active, outdoor play should be totally adequate. As a kinder teacher, you know if she is the sort of 4 year old who wants, needs, or requires the imposed structure and discipline of organised sport.”
“Also, as a kinder teacher, relish your Saturdays. You deserve it, and you’ve earned it. Young kids should really want to play sports, not be forced or expected to. That might change, depending on the individual, a few years down the track.” ~ belindahk
“4 seems very young to join an organised sport like this. I think the husband may be getting ahead of himself.”
“I know it’s only for fun, not a serious thing, but in my area most kids need to be at least 5 to join anything like this, because they just don’t have the attention span for it.”
“In some clubs I’m in, an exception might be able to be made if a kid has an older sibling or parent who’s also involved in the club, or present. But honestly, they do seem to lose interest after about 20 mins even then. Waiting a year or two is usually just the better move.”
“There are activities and groups that would suit a 4-year-old much better, I imagine. And OP could keep their Saturday routine.” ~ Tikithing
“I agree with the attention span thing. I was in soccer when I was around that age, and if there was a park nearby, I was leaving the field and going to play in the park, even if we were in the middle of a game and not a practice.”
“I also only wanted to be in soccer because my older brother was, and they got orange slices, and my 4-year-old brain thought you could only have orange slices if you played soccer.” ~ thatclassyturtleÂ
The OP provided an update:
“My daughter has been enrolled in soccer. Believe it or not, I actually have a very supportive village, including my in-laws and husband.”
“Maybe I’m selfish but it is because I know of if I burn out I will not be a good mother, teacher, wife, or person.”
“Everyone needs rest and time for themselves. If that makes me selfish, then oh well, I’m unashamedly selfish.”
“I love my children more than anything in the world. But I have needs too and they need to understand others have needs too. It’s a good thing to say no sometimes.”
“I also clean house and Saturday’s and know of if I get up and leave the house early I will find other things in town to do and never come home to clean.”
“My children need a clean home to live in more than extracurricular activities. However, I am giving this a try and will continue letting her do soccer if she likes it and if it works for the whole family.”
It seems like OP found a solution that satisfies her needs as well as her husband’s and her in-laws wants. Kudos to them for stepping up instead of putting it all on OP.
Hopefully it works as planned.