Cheating is a dealbreaker in most romantic relationships, but when people think of cheating, they most often think of being physically intimate and inappropriate with another person.
However, emotional cheating can be just as damaging to relationships, if not even more hurtful than physical infidelity, pointed out the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Electrical_Total534 was supportive of her husband’s new hobby to run every evening and to prepare for his very first 5K.
But when she discovered that he wasn’t running alone, but was actually running with a newly-divorced woman he’d met at their child’s daycare, the Original Poster (OP) felt uneasy.
She asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting by being concerned that my husband started taking evening runs with a woman he met at our kid’s daycare? I think this crosses boundaries.”
The OP was supportive of her husband’s fitness journey.
“My (28 Female) husband (30 Male) and I have been together for six years and married for four.”
“I’ve been hurt by cheating in past relationships, so I’m probably more sensitive to situations that feel questionable.”
“My husband decided to get serious about fitness this year and started running every evening around our neighborhood.”
“He’s really dedicated to it. He goes out every single day around 7:00 PM after dinner.”
“I prefer morning yoga classes, so this has become his routine.”
The OP started to notice other relationships her husband developed while running.
“Over the past few months, he’s mentioned running into other people from the neighborhood and striking up conversations.”
“There’s one woman in particular, who is recently divorced and maybe five years younger, who he started running with regularly.”
“Apparently, they met when both were picking up kids from the same daycare and realized they live nearby and have similar running paces.”
“Last Tuesday, he came home later than usual from his run and mentioned he’d stopped for smoothies with ‘a friend’ at that juice bar on Main Street.”
“When I asked which friend, he seemed to hesitate before admitting it was the divorced mom from his running group.”
“He insisted it was totally innocent, just two parents grabbing post-workout drinks and talking about training for the upcoming 5K. He swore nothing weird happened and that I know he’s not like that.”
The OP felt increasingly uncomfortable with her husband’s new running partner.
“Our marriage has been really good overall, even when we’ve had stressful periods with work and parenting a toddler.”
“My husband has never given me real reasons not to trust him in six years… but this whole situation makes me uncomfortable.”
“A recently divorced woman, daily runs together in the evening, stopping for drinks afterwards, the hesitation when I asked about it…”
“What does everyone think? Am I being paranoid, or should I be concerned about these boundaries?”
“AIO?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some empathized with the OP and understood why she was suspicious.
“OP knows her husband, but she does not know this woman.”
“It could be completely innocent in his end, but if this new friend starts to develop feelings for him, then he may find himself in an awkward situation that gets out of control.”
“OP should consider making a point to meet this woman as a fellow mother with kids at the same school to establish a cordial relationship and assert her presence.” – _uppity
“Why isn’t he coming home and talking to his wife about all the exciting things they talked about… I’d be excited to share an outing like that with my spouse!”
“That’s really the issue here. He is clearly conflicted. Whenever I’ve talked to other kids moms one-on-one, I have no problems talking to my wife about the things we talked about of maybe the other mom’s take on something, or that she likes something we do too.”
“But I’m not working out with other moms.”
“And I’m not going to juice bars with them.”
“Working out with a woman is one thing, maybe, but the decision to hang out more is also a decision not to go home right away to the wife/family.”
“Something doesn’t fit here. Did he not come home because his wife is already in bed? Watching TV, doing her own thing, so why bother? Or did he pass on time with his wife vs a new lady?”
“The only way for OP to find out is to have a conversation with her husband and try to do it in a collaborative way. If there’s sexual frustration, kid frustration, etc., that has built up, this could be hard. Good luck.” – Full_Dot_4748
“His hesitation to tell me would raise questions, but not to the point of assuming a full-blown affair.”
“It could be hesitation knowing your relationship history. If it’s hesitation due to picking up something from her but still wanting to hang out, that is more concerning, not because of bad intentions on his part, but because of the chance of a slippery slope in the future.”
“Bottom line, you need to communicate openly with your husband and take it from there.” – Misty_Mountain16
“My grandpa told me once. I’ve never cheated on a woman, and the key to that success is to never put yourself in a position to. Don’t go to a bar after an argument, etc., etc.”
“It really stuck with me. I won’t become friends with women and go out with them without my wife present. I dunno, it’s just how I am. My wife is my best friend anyway, so doing s**t without her is weird.” – rebuildingsince64
“What would have bothered me is that he didn’t give you a heads-up beforehand, like, ‘Hey babe, I’m going to grab a smoothie after my run with the neighbor. Want me to bring you one?'”
“Instead, he told you after the fact. Doesn’t mean he’s cheating, but if he had texted you before, I don’t think you’d be having these feelings.” – basswitch69
“Setting aside making friends at the gym, I would have a fundamentally bigger issue with the fact that he’s out of the house every single night. When does he have time to clean? Does he ever help with bedtime? Or play with the kids? Is he dealing with all morning stuff while you do yoga?” – spei180
But others thought that it was too soon to offer a rating and advised setting up a playdate instead.
“To be frank, I can’t give an exact judgment between YOR/NOR because I think y’all really need to discuss this with each other more first. I think this could be inappropriate, or it could be totally fine. It could go either way at this point.”
“Sit down with him and ask point-blank why he felt he couldn’t just talk about hanging out with a woman he’s just friends with. Is there a reason he felt he couldn’t share that outright?”
“Again, this can definitely be suspicious… but it could also be that maybe he’s just worried you’ll get too in your head about things. That’s not an excuse for him not to communicate. I want to be clear!!!! Just talk about it.”
“Also, maybe you should talk to him about meeting up with her, as well. Of course, meeting her doesn’t necessarily mean that anything inappropriate could NEVER happen, but at the very least, maybe it could help alleviate some stress or anxiety.”
“Men and women can absolutely be just friends (I’m bisexual, so I don’t really discriminate between genders for friends) and if he doesn’t have inappropriate intentions with her, this really shouldn’t be an issue (generally speaking).” – thejoebrossuck
“Schedule a play date with all parents and the kids. This is a normal thing to do and gives you a chance to also connect with someone who could be a new friend.”
“If she’s truly just a friend, then your husband should be excited about everyone getting together.”
“If your husband deflects and gives a bunch of reasons why it’s not a good idea, then you’ll have more to talk about.” – mathman_2000
“I am a lifelong runner, and honestly, there are a TON of platonic opposite-sex running friendships and partners I know of and have zero reason to believe anyone is cheating.”
“I myself used to run with an older guy (I’m 45, he’s probably 65) who was my pace and would just yap the whole time and distract me from the run itself, LOL.”
“But I think it’s key that he’s fine having you two meet and be friends and all.” – violet715
“And, honestly, he could have been hesitant because he can tell that SHE likes HIM, but he still wants to be friends, so he is trying to downplay or not acknowledge it at all.”
“Like, ‘Yeah, she likes me, but I would never do that, so my innocent intentions mean nothing would ever happen.’ (eye roll) People are super naive that way.”
“However, if that is the case, he may not realize that his friendly behavior could be taken as interest by her, especially in her fragile state.” – Thealyssa27
“It sounds like you’re not coming from a place of wanting to control your husband, but rather from your own history of being hurt and your need for transparency and reassurance in your marriage. That’s really valid.”
“I don’t think you’re ‘paranoid’ for feeling uncomfortable; this situation does cross into a gray area. Daily one-on-one runs, plus hanging out afterward, is a level of time and intimacy that many people would consider pushing boundaries in a marriage, especially since he hesitated to tell you who he was with. That hesitation is often more concerning than the activity itself.”
“That said, it’s also important to zoom out: he’s been consistent for six years, you’ve had a good marriage, and he was upfront once you asked. This doesn’t sound like a man actively trying to deceive you, but it does sound like an opportunity for you to sit down and calmly talk about boundaries.”
“Everyone’s comfort level is different, and what feels ‘innocent’ to him might feel ‘too close’ to you.”
“Some ideas for that conversation:”
“Frame it as ‘This situation makes me feel uncomfortable because of my history and because I value what we have,’ not, ‘You’re doing something wrong.'”
“Be clear on what boundaries you need in your marriage to feel secure (e.g., maybe group runs feel fine, but daily one-on-ones with post-run smoothies cross the line).”
“Invite him into the discussion: ask what boundaries he thinks are fair too.”
“Ultimately, a strong marriage isn’t about pretending these feelings don’t exist; it’s about being honest and building trust by honoring each other’s comfort zones.” – BTJ2019
While the whole subreddit understood why the OP was concerned, they were also supportive of the OP digging deeper by talking to her husband about her concerns and maybe even setting up a playdate with her fellow mom to see if a friendship could grow rather than turn into insecurity.
Further talking about her concerns and trying to arrange the initial playdate would tell the OP a lot, as her husband should show no hesitation to talk about it or to introduce his friend to his wife if there was truly nothing to hide.