When we are hosting guests in our home, we tend to go to great lengths to make sure they feel comfortable.
Ideally though, in an effort to show our appreciation, when we are guests in someone’s home, we should likewise be courteous and sensitive to their needs and requests.
After all, they are going out of their way to host us, so both parties should make an effort of some kind.
Unfortunately, it’s far too common for houseguests to expect to be waited on and offer nothing in return.
Redditor RWBYYanging recently hosted her sister and brother-in-law (BIL) for a weekend visit.
Unfortunately, the original poster (OP)’s sister and BIL were anything but gracious guests.
In fact, the OP’s BIL appeared to be going out of his way to agitate her, prompting the OP to give them both an ultimatum.
After being accused of overreacting by her sister, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for threatening to kick my brother in law out of my home for purposefully irritating me?”
The OP explained why it was her way or the highway when it came to her sister and BIL:
“So this happened yesterday.”
“My (29 F[emale) sister (32 F), let’s call her Alice, and her new husband (32 M[ale]), let’s call him Sam, came to stay with me for the weekend.”
“Initially, I’d only invited them for Friday night game night, but they sort of invited themselves to stay the weekend.”
“It’s a little annoying, but they’re in the middle of moving to my area from across the country, so I can be a little flexible for them.”
“I barely know Sam, only meeting him a handful of times, and he really wants to be like a big brother to me.”
“I live alone and I’m very introverted and neurodivergent, though not officially diagnosed.”
“From the start, they both were just a little overly entitled and disrespectful, first claiming they’d arrive at a certain time, then pushing that time back a couple of hours, then not arriving till two hours after that.”
“They were 4 hours late from the original plan.”
“There was more as well, but basically I was getting irritated, but was still being a gracious host.”
“Sam started to try to low-key insult me as a form of joking around, calling me a little child and that no adult listens to the whining of a little child like me, and then calling me boastful when I tried defending myself, which made me feel my patience getting thin with him specifically.”
“I have a sensory issue with forks and knives scraping against bowls and plates.”
“Like, it literally is painful for me to the point I have to cover my ears and my whole body flinches.”
“While we were eating, Alice accidentally scraped her knife on the plate, and apologized to me.”
“It wasn’t too bad, then when she explained to Sam why she apologized, he took his fork and purposefully ground it against his plate to make that horrible screeching sound while staring right at me with a grin on his face.”
“I instantly told him if he ever did that again in my home, he would be kicked out.”
“They changed their plans right away and left an hour later, very upset at me for saying that to him.”
“My sister insisted over and over again that I was being dramatic for taking it that far, and when I told her what Sam did was disrespectful, she insisted it wasn’t and that he was just playfully teasing to try to get a rise out of me, like siblings are supposed to.”
“…another incident.”
“I am celiac and my home is fully gluten-free.”
“I reminded my sister long before their visit and asked them not to bring any gluten to my home.”
“They brought a wheat-based cereal, knowingly, into my home, though they brought a bowl and disposable cutlery to minimize the chance of cross-contamination.”
“I’m still upset about this.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for threatening to kick Sam out of her house.
Everyone agreed that when you are a guest in someone’s home, the least you can do is show them the most basic modicum of respect, something Sam and Alice did not, and as such the OP did not need to welcome them into her home:
“NTA.”
“Sam’s a d*ck.”- bfnch
“NTA.”
“Broad strokes, your house, your rules, your peace.”
“Finer point – BIL is an overgrown child out to cause trouble, even more reason to give him the boot.”
“Yeesh.”- your-mom04605
“NTA.”
“Your brother-in-law is a childish instigator, and your sister needed to shut that crap down.”
“Instead, she took his side.”
“I feel bad that they are moving closer to you.”- Donutsmell
“It’s not playful teasing, it’s deliberate bullying.”
“Your sister’s husband is the a**hole, and if I were you, I’d tell her right now that he is no longer welcome in your home.”
“And please get evaluated and get a diagnosis.”
“There are a lot of resources out there.”
“NTA.”- mama_d63
“NTA.”
“You have a sensory issue, and your sister is aware enough to apologize and explain it to Sam.”
“Sam INTENTIONALLY made a noise and grinned while doing this, knowing full well how much it hurts you.”
“That’s rude to do to ANYONE and especially in your home.”
“Teasing someone with a sensory issue by doing the thing that pains them?”
“Absolutely not.”
“They’re adults and if they’re supposed to be your ‘big brother’, wouldn’t you be sensitive?”
“Or does he take ‘big brother’ to mean bully and jerk like some big brothers are to their younger siblings?”- archetyping101
“He’s not your sibling, and siblings shouldn’t do that shit anyway.”
“NTA.”- CJsopinion
“NTA.”
“Sam is not your sibling.”- Straight_Coconut_317
“He probably treats her like crap too.”
“He’s a bully.”
“NTA.”- OkManufacturer767
“NTA.”
“But BIL is a jerk and your sister isn’t much better.”- CarelessZucchini8477
“The famous ‘That’s just the way he is’ BS.”
“No, sister, your husband is an A-hole, and you’re an A-hole for not telling him to stop tormenting your sister and then doubling down and defending him.”
“NTA and if I were you I wouldn’t let them back in my house.”- catsandplants424
“NTA.”
“He wanted to get a rise out of you.”
“He got it and is now upset he got it.”
“I am ADHD, and some sounds just irritate me, so I totally understand.”
“My brother use to be PLAYFUL like that, I have not spoken to him in several years.”- New-Cut-7702
“NTA.”
“It’s your home.”
“They’re guests.”
“They should be respectful of you, your time, and your space.”
“If they aren’t, you have every right to ask them to leave.”
“You’re also within your rights to set boundaries, especially in your home.”
“Sometimes, the only way to get through to people who think it’s okay to ‘playfully push your buttons’ is to firmly let them know that you are not okay with their behavior.”- Wild_Ticket1413
“Trying to ‘get a rise out of someone’ IS being disrespectful.”
“So is belittling people.”
“That is disrespectful and bullying.”
“It is NOT ‘joking around’ and his saying it doesn’t make it so.”
“WTF would someone only three years older than you (chronologically, if not mentally/emotionally) think he is in any position to call you ‘a little child’?”
“Does he have siblings?”
“Because I sure as hell would not want a ‘big brother’ who behaved that way.”
“Good on you for speaking up.”
“Never let him into your home again.”
“NTA.”- MolassesInevitable53
“The appropriate solution is to never have Sam over at your house again.”
“That is his reward for insulting you and goading you.”
“NTA.”- Regular_Boot_3540
“NTA.”
“And you wouldn’t have been even if you gave them the boot on Friday night.”
“Nobody is entitled to stay over without booking it in.”
“Even less so when they’re FOUR HOURS LATE.”- Purple_Mine_1676
“NTA.”
“Your sister did not marry well.”
“You don’t have to tolerate Sam, but you could remind your sister that you will always be her sister and if she ever needs you, that you will be there.”
“No need to engage further on this topic.”
“You set a boundary and a consequence.”
“Stand by that.”
“Part of why they fled like that is you did not submit to his bullshit and control.”
“Good for you!”
“Don’t do so in the future.”- Rhypskallion
It’s not uncommon for siblings to goad one another in a deliberate attempt to get on each other’s nerves.
That doesn’t mean we have to enjoy it, or even tolerate it.
Nor do in-laws even have that freedom.
Considering that the OP made it abundantly clear to Sam that he was being anything but playful with her, it’s hard to argue that his invitation to stay with them should be revoked without question.