Most of us have had at least one neighbor in the past who made us uncomfortable, whether because they were rude, loud, a little unusual, or simply unwilling to take a hint that we weren’t interested in what they were offering.
Even if they are nice, that unwillingness to recognize boundaries has to be the worst version of a neighbor ever, cringed the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Cool_Sleep_5096 had several neighbors who she had no problem coexisting with, but there was one single dad who, while he was nice when they interacted in the hallway, seemed increasingly unwilling to take a hint.
After he started to text her late at night to try to get her to come over, even after she said no and explained that she had a migraine, the Original Poster (OP) wasn’t sure what to do next.
She asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting about my neighbor’s intentions?”
The OP was comfortable with the neighbors in her building.
“I’m a 22-year-old woman living alone (with my cat) in an apartment situated in an old building with only two apartments per floor.”
“I know all of my neighbors. On the second floor with me is a mid-20s, almost-30s man. On the first floor, there are two elderly women, and on the ground floor, there is a couple in their mid-30s or early-40s and a single dad, I would say in the same age range.”
But the single dad on the ground floor was starting to push boundaries.
“Yesterday, around 11:00 PM, I received a message from the single dad.”
“At first, it wasn’t that weird because we’re talking a lot when we see each other in the hallways or on the street in front of the building.”
“But it escalated quite weirdly… He started asking me to listen to some music with him (I’m a musician and he knows).”
“But, being so late and having a migraine, I kindly said to him not tonight, but if he wanted, we could tomorrow.”
“I don’t really know why, but he kept on trying to get us to see each other?”
You can see the text messages here:
After asking if the OP was home, the neighbor invited her over:
“I’m actually listening to some good music, and I was wondering if you wanted to come over and listen to it together.”
“Experimental soul jazz, in fact.”
The OP politely declined.
“Oh, that’s so nice of you to think of me!”
“Unfortunately, I’ve had a pretty busy day today, and I have a bad migraine. But tomorrow during the day if you like?”
The neighbor continued to insist.
“Sorry about your migraine.”
“It’s a shame because I was feeling good for a good soul session.”
“Maybe your migraine can be cured with some good music?”
“Actually, you’ve had a migraine since yesterday?”
You can see the continued conversation here:
The OP advocated for herself.
“Yes, actually, I suffer from migraines, so I have my medication… but I often have to plunge into the dark with a cold pack on my head.”
The guy agreed.
“Okay, so it’s heavy.”
The OP tried to end the conversation.
“Yeah, but I’m used to it.”
“In any case, have a good soul session!”
The neighbor continued to push for the OP to come over.
“I know some grandmother’s remedies for migraines.”
“You know the coffee trick with candle wax?”
You can see the third and final text messages here:
The neighbor even used the OP’s migraines to have her come over.
“If you have some aluminum foil, I can make it for you.”
“Do you want to try?”
The OP shut the offer down.
“That’s good to know. If you don’t mind another time, I’m going to go to sleep.”
The OP’s boyfriend also found the neighbor’s insistence to be weird.
“Also, I was explaining the situation to my boyfriend at the same time, laughing at first, but then getting weirded out…”
“My boyfriend told me that it was indeed really weird…”
“So… am I overreacting?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some encouraged the OP not to respond to the guy’s messages anymore.
“Next time, just don’t respond. It’s 11:00 PM.” – Such_Programmer8350
“NOR. The audacity of that man to text you late at night! Just ignore it completely, as in, don’t answer it at all, not even the next day.”
“If he sees you in person later and asks why you never answered, say, ‘Oh, I guess I never saw it; I go on ‘Do Not Disturb’ at 9:00 PM.'”
“If he texts during reasonable hours with similar invitations, just say, ‘No thanks! I’m busy.’ Follow-up pestering questions can then be ignored, because you are, in fact, busy.” – Sweaty-Blacksmith572
“Just leave it at, ‘Oh, I guess I never saw it.’ OP, if you say you go on do not disturb at a certain time, he will just work around that. If you say, ‘I never saw it,’ and keep saying it. He might get a clue you don’t like him or at least that texting is not how to reach you.”
“That said, there is also no law that says you ever have to answer your door, because that is going to be his next move. Do not answer the door if he ever knocks.” – Advanced_Mud1294
“I feel like ‘not responding’ as an option doesn’t even occur to younger people anymore. It’s become something they have to learn.”
“It’s like socially ingrained that leaving someone on read is insulting and rude. It’s not. (Also, turn your read receipts off; it’s nobody’s business if you’re ignoring them). You don’t generally need to explain to anyone why you’re saying no, why you aren’t texting them back, what you’re doing at the moment, etc.” – diddinim
“Yeah, no. Don’t go. Stop responding to his message. No offence, but he doesn’t want to be friends with you.” – Khalisti
“OP, I say this with love, but you are being WAAAAY too nice/polite with him. And even saying, ‘Maybe tomorrow?’ Makes it sound like you are just as eager to do this as he is. No no no no no.”
“It’s fine that you have neighborly chitchat in the hallway, but ANY time he asks you to do ANYTHING, you are busy. Period. End of story. You ‘can’t, so sorry, it’s just not possible.’ No need to get into specifics because he will only try to turn them around. Just be VAGUE and FIRM and ‘thanks, but I can’t.'”
“And everyone needs to learn how to take control of a convo at your age, and if you haven’t learned that, now’s the time. Controlling it and in this case, ending it. ‘Nope, I can’t. Sorry, but thanks for asking. Hey, I’ve gotta run. Have a great night/day!'”
“If you have a way to mute texts from him, do that too. There is no law that says you ever have to answer texts or even read them. Start ignoring his texts, especially when they’re after hours. Three or four days later, you might say, ‘Oh, just seeing this…’ OR don’t even answer at all. Any scrap of attention only feeds his delusion that there will be something between you.”
“Also, make sure there is plenty of mention of the boyfriend in any hallway convos. While also trying to minimize these convos.” – Advanced_Mud1294
Others were angry on the OP’s behalf about her migraine symptoms.
“He definitely googled those remedies five minutes before texting about them.” – Content-Bathroom-434
“I don’t think he has ever had a migraine if he is suggesting music will cure it before offering ‘grandma’s remedy.'” – Glittering_Taro9983
“I hate people who think Migraine is just a ‘pretty bad headache.’ When I have them, I literally cannot see. The center of my vision goes out, and I can’t read, I can’t see faces when I look at people… it’s horrible.”
“Sometimes there’s vomiting that goes along with the pain that usually lasts for a couple of days. It’s not like, ‘Oh, have you had coffee? That helps headaches.'”
“‘Do you need an aspirin? That helps me, but usually I’m just dehydrated. Have some water.’ Like, godd**n. I get you’re trying to help, but you don’t know what I’m dealing with.” – Ok-Oil7124
“Also questioning that she’s had it two days? Like yeah, they can easily go UP THERE.”
“Seriously, they can go longer in rare cases. My record is 17 days in the acute phase. I had to get steroids.”
“Migraines are complex neurological conditions that the pain portion typically resolves within hours, but the prodrome (early changes and warnings) and postdrome (migraine hangover) can take the attack into a days.”
“She needs to tell him that she doesn’t want to hang out with him. Period. He made her uncomfortable, and she only takes migraine advice from her medical team. Never be alone with him or hang out with him. I wouldn’t babysit for him, either.” – SherLovesCats
“The last thing you want during a migraine is NOISE, LIGHT, or COMPANY. This guy doesn’t know anything about migraines; he just wants… ‘intimacy.'” – BabalonNuith
The subReddit supported the OP in having boundaries, especially when she medically needed to do something else like rest, and especially because she wasn’t even interested.
While it can be nice to establish great relationships with neighbors, not everyone is meant to be friends, and if both people aren’t feeling it, it definitely shouldn’t be forced.