Money can be at the core of a lot of drama.
This is especially true with family.
A lot of the time, money can make people do and ask for strange things.
Some family members often feel entitled to other family members’ money.
Such entitlement usually leads to bickering and bad behavior.
Redditor SigmaCreeper1488 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for refusing to give my college fund to my nephew after my sister found out about it?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Hi! For the past 6 years, I have been working on different jobs in my sh**hole of a country in order to save up and get a real education and a proper job later.”
“My parents were always promising to pay for it, but they never did.”
“At some point, I managed to get a scholarship, and I used the saved money for housing and other bills, and spending.”
“I have a sister and she has a son.”
“She was always complaining how no one ever helped her with money (just like me), but unlike her, I wasn’t mentioning it that much.”
“I have never mentioned the fund, but my parents have accidentally revealed it to my sister at the latest family gathering.”
“Then my sister immediately turns to me and asks to donate the remaining money to her and her child, saying I could move back in with my parents.”
“My go**amn parents agree with her because ‘family helps family.'”
“I obviously refused because I have been saving up for years, and now I am going to need it.”
“Then my sister and parents just turn red, accusing me of being a selfish prick.”
“I quickly fled the family gathering without asking other family members what do they think about it, but I really don’t know if I am doing something incorrect or if their reaction was in the wrong?”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“I would stop calling it a college fund, because really it sounds like it’s your life savings.”
“They want you to give up all of your hard-earned life savings to help them out. NTA.”
“They are TA.”
“It would’ve been fine for them to ask for SOME help, but to demand all of your savings is incredibly selfish.”
“If family is supposed to help family, why are they trying to hurt you?” ~ StrippinChicken
“The parents must think it’s very easy and grand of them to give away someone else’s money.” ~ GAELICATSOUL
“Parents are natural communists.”
“That’s it. “
“They will take from the successful one for the shi**y one.”
“I’ve seen it in five generations in my family and my husband’s.”
“It’s never-ending.”
“OP. Don’t. Do. it.”
“As someone who has been sucked dry of 100s of thousands of dollars, don’t.”
“They will never get better, and they will end up ungrateful. Always.”
“I’m a cautionary tale.”
“I’ve said no now, but my parents, my M[other]-I[n]-L[aw], my husband.”
“They give because they’re kind people.”
“But all those who took from me, my parents, my in-laws, were ungrateful.”
“Like, we didn’t give enough even though the rest of the families didn’t.”
“Now, when many of their kids are successful, they don’t repay it back or conveniently ignore it.” ~ gracecee
“Your sister and her son can move back in with your parents if she can’t make ends meet on her own.”
“Your parents can give her their savings if they want her to have help so badly.”
“If you did not need it, then you could help her if you wanted it, but as it is, you do need it.”
“When your schooling is done, you will need to establish yourself, and you’ll need funds to do it.”
“I don’t believe your sister or your parents will help you when you need it, so you have to safeguard that money.”
“Be blunt if you have to, and make sure they know that your sister and her son are not your responsibility and you will not be giving her your hard-earned money.” ~ readergirl35
“I would never give them the money after they already expected me to just give it away after I’d worked hard for it.”
“Especially since the parents promised to pay for college and then didn’t, I would have said they could give the nephew the money they promised me for college.” ~ Spiritual_Ad_4475
“It’s not a college fund.”
“It’s your life savings for taking care of yourself.”
“Your parents can help your sister if they feel so inclined to.”
“Nephew should be told the truth that it’s not money that you can give away without hurting yourself.”
“He should not want to hurt his family.” ~ littlewitten
“Do not ask other family members for their opinion, as it is none of their business what you do with your money.”
“Stay the course.”
“Keep the money.”
“You earned it.”
“Parents and sister give you grief?”
“When the conversation comes up, just get up and walk away.”
“If there are phone calls about it, hang up.”
“Social media?”
“Block them.”
“Life is about choices.”
“Do not let someone guilt you into making a bad one. NTA.” ~ REDDIT
“NTA, but ‘no’ is a complete sentence.”
“Your parents can help her.”
“Go live your life, you’ve worked very hard to reach your goals.”
“You don’t owe her anything.” ~ CuriousMindedAA
“NTA at all.”
“This is the money YOU saved for a purpose, and it wasn’t helping your sister.”
“Although I agree with ‘family helps family,’ have they helped you increase the fund?”
“Because this works both ways, you help me, I help you.”
“So to me, they are the selfish pricks who don’t think your life is important.” ~ Odd_Tea4945
“NTA. You worked hard for your money.”
“It’s yours and no one else is entitled to it.”
“Let your sister pay for his education, or let your nephew pay his own way, just like you did.” ~ Doggedart
“Are you kidding me?”
“You’re actually asking what to do?”
“You already know the answer, you’re not selfish, you have busted your behind saving up, sacrificing so you can better yourself.”
“Your d**ks of parents wouldn’t help you after promising, and then you’re supposed to give everything up for your sister’s kid?”
“Tell your parents to get off their dead a** and they can help your sister’s kid, which I assume is their grandkid.”
“They only told your sister because they didn’t want to help and didn’t give two s**** about you.”
“You go right ahead and better yourself, once you get your degree, in a better job than you might think about reaching down to your nephew.”
“And you can tell your sister she can move in with your parents.” ~ FaithlessnessTall853
“NTA. ‘Family helps family’ usually translates to ‘Do what I say’ and rarely means they are considering what is best for you.”
“The only selfish people here are the people who think they are entitled to your hard work.”
“Don’t fall for the trap, continue what you are doing.”
“If you choose to help your entitled sister, who should be ashamed of such a demand, you are the only one who gets to decide how much and how often.”
“If your parents are adamant about you sacrificing your life for your sister, tell them they are free to give her whatever they want, as ‘Family helps family.'” ~ WhereWeretheAdults
“NTA – You’ll need to avoid your family for a while.”
“Remember that discussing ANYTHING with them is always optional.”
“If they harass you about finances: remember that ‘No’ is a complete sentence, then leave, hang up, block them.”
“As for ‘family helps family,’ tell your sister that your parents have offered to give her the same amount of money they gave you.”
“AND OP – please make sure your finances are secure.”
“Your parents are trying to give away your money.”
“Don’t give them or your sister the opportunity to steal it.” ~ Bingo_Bongo_85
“Your parents could sell their house, give your sister the money, and they can all live together at your sister’s house.”
“The family that claims to believe that family should help family should all be satisfied with that. NTA.” ~ Zestyclose-Custard-2
“Sometimes family is far more toxic than friends; we call family, in fact, it’s most of the time.”
“You’re NTA, a**hole, because you are trying to make something of yourself, your sister needs to get off her a** and work harder to give her son the life she wants him to have.” ~ Space_Nut247
“NTA, it is your money that you saved.”
“It does not have to be earmarked for education.”
“Given the family dynamic you describe here, I suggest you claim that you have spent the money on basic living needs and no longer have it to give.”
“If necessary, move it to a different account.”
“In the future, do not volunteer the information that you have any savings if you are going to be expected to give it away.”
“Cultures are different in many places, but in my country, it is not normal at all for people to tell others how much money they have.” ~ Icy-Minimum2397
“No family does not help family, that is your trust fund or college fund.”
“Whatever is in your name.”
“She has no say in it, and her entitled @ss can work for to put money for her son’s education, or your parents can pay, but I’m sorry, who the hell does she think she is?”
“She does not get your money.”
“She does not get anything from you that you do not wanna give.” ~ Particular_Cycle9667
“NTA. This is YOUR money.”
“Your sister can work and save; you are not responsible for her or her child.”
“Go L[ow] C[ontact] with your parents and N[o] C[ontact] with your sister.”
“Absolutely do not give them anything.”
“Focus on your own education!”
“UpdateMe.” ~ Pippet_4
Reddit is with you, OP.
Your family’s behavior is outrageous.
That is your money.
You earned it.
Don’t allow them to guilt you.
Good Luck.