It’s very frustrating when someone backs out of an agreement, often for both parties.
Most of the time, the one backing out tends to feel bad, knowing they’ve left people that matter to them in a lurch.
Of course, the ones who relied on those people are no doubt even more frustrated, as they need to go back to the drawing board.
Redditor Zavarakatranemi had agreed to house-sit for some friends of theirs over the Thanksgiving holidays.
Initially, the original poster (OP) was looking forward to this.
However, upon learning more information ahead of their agreed upon time, the original poster (OP) ended up backing out.
Much to the anger of their friends.
Concerned they may not have behaved fairly, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for backing out of housesitting for someone because of their new cameras?”
The OP explained why they cancelled on their friends at the last minute:
“Context: I work in corporate, handle highly sensitive and classified information, and take many calls around tech & trade ‘secrets’.”
“Due to work I will not be taking time off for Thanksgiving.”
“A friendly couple lives 2 hours away.”
“They planned to travel for 4 days during Thanksgiving, and asked early in September if I could house-sit.”
“Due to location they have difficulty finding someone (no family/friends close by), and randos are either unreliable or super expensive.”
“I have done this a few times, and since my partner would be away during those days, I accepted.”
“They’re 20ish minutes away from the nearest town, and have several security measures in place, including cameras in every room except the bathrooms.”
“I know and don’t mind this at all.”
“A week later they politely inquired if I would be open to stay longer, so they could extend their vacation from the 20th-30th and organize a family reunion.”
“I checked with my partner (who then also extended his away time) and confirmed I would be perfectly happy to do this.”
“The house is amazing -pool, hot tub, home theater, massive kitchen- so overall it is a treat, despite the 2h drive to get there, and me working throughout my stay.”
“At their insistence they have always paid me a token amount, even though they fully stock up for house-sitters and I would do it for free.”
“They are taking a mini-trip to our area, and we met yesterday for dinner.”
“It came up that they upgraded their security system to cameras that also record sound.”
“I asked how can I turn that feature off and they said 1) they don’t know if it’s possible outside the mobile app, which I won’t have access to, 2) they just got them installed and they would rather I don’t turn it off/tamper with the cameras at all, like the other times I house-sat for them.”
“I told them that won’t work. If their new cameras record sound, I would not be able to take any calls in the office or at all, unless I go in the bathrooms or outside, neither of which I am willing to do.”
“I told them these are my boundaries (happy to do it but I want total control of the camera sound while I’m there), and to think about it and let me know asap.”
“They are -understandably- upset because 1) they extended their away time only after they confirmed I would be available, and now they can’t cancel and get refunds on tickets and bookings, 2) finding someone so last minute (due to location) is a lot more difficult, let alone stressful, 3) it would cost a lot to find someone random to house-sit for the original 4 days during Thanksgiving, let alone 10 etc.”
“My partner later suggested I should reconsider working during Thanksgiving week, take a break, and treat this as a vacation for myself.”
“That way I can both relax and not inconvenience our friends.”
“But 1) I am swamped with work and can’t slow down right now, and 2) were I to not work during Thanksgiving, I would rather join him and not house-sit alone in the boonies.”
“When they asked in September, they had the same setup as before (cameras in every room, video only) with which I was familiar and ok.”
“While to me it seems excessive, they live isolated in the woods, and there have been break-ins in the past, and they can take whatever measures they see fit for their property with no judgement from my part.”
“They only upgraded a few weeks ago to the +audio ones, over a month after they originally asked me, and they did inform me last night.”
“AITA for backing out ‘last minute’ over this detail?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for backing out of housesitting for their friends:
Everyone agreed that the OP deserved their right to privacy, and that they were not pulling out, but instead didn’t feel comfortable with the arrangement that their friends pulled on them:
“NTA, they upgraded their system, they for sure can turn off the audio.”
“Heck I have cheapo cameras and they all allow me to turn off the audio.”- demon803
“NTA.”
“You didn’t change your mind at the last minute for nothing, they omitted to tell you their new security features now picks up sound.”
“You have the right housesit without being monitored, that’s the whole point you are there to secure the house.”
“They don’t need to secure the security person too.”
“It’s a simple fix on their end turn off the security camera’s while you’re staying and everyone is happy; except they want their cake and eat it too and they can’t.”
“They need to choose what is more important to them.”
“The ball is in their court and now they need to make a decision either way.”- Longjumping_Win4291
“NTA.”
“Clearly their camera sound violates your work requirements.”
“Turning off the system is an inconvenience to them, and they seem to think it’s MORE of an inconvenience to figure out how to turn them off than finding a house sitter.”
“That’s their decision, not yours.”- HowlPen
“NTA.”
“They changed the situation in a major way and are being stiff-necked about accommodating your needs, which it sounds like they could easily do.”
“They could turn off that feature with the mobile app (and presumably you could have access to the app if they’d let you).”
“They just hope you’ll knuckle under.”- ReadMeDrMemory
“NTA.”
“When they were confirming the dates with you, they also should have notified you of the updates to their cameras.”
“You have to be pretty oblivious not to be aware of the increased liabilities of recording audio as opposed to just video, and while maybe they are just that oblivious, that’s not your problem to resolve for them.”
“You cannot housesit for them while their cameras record audio because it creates a conflict with your ability to take work calls during that timeframe.”
“They can find someone else, cancel the trip, figure out how to turn the audio off, or turn the cameras off entirely during that time.”
“But those are their options.”- CrewelSummer
“I think the cameras area deal-breaker and they were not contemplated in the discussions that lead to your agreeing to stay. I am not suggesting they hid this from you but they should have told you.”
“Whether or not I worked in a business that involved trade secrets I would not consent to being recorded in a private space.”
“That’s gross.”
“NTA.”- SalaudChaud
“You’re NTA, and your friends are being extremely manipulative.”
“Any claim that they can’t find someone last minute, it’s too expensive, their tickets are non-refundable, etc is ignoring objective reality.”
“All they need to do is turn the sound off, and they have a free and available house sitter.”
“If they choose not to do that, they are the ones causing the problem.”
“I would reconsider if you want to be friends with people trying to gaslight you into thinking you created a problem they manufactured.”- thetinymole
“NTA.”
“They can simply give you control of turning off the audio while you are there, or they can STFU and accept that this happened because they did something without informing you ahead of time so you could make an informed decision.”
“I would not trust them to just tell you they turned it off because there is too much risk they didn’t really do it but said they did to appease you.”
“Given the nature of your work, I would want direct control.”- Vyckerz
The OP agreed to housesit knowing exactly what they were getting in for.
If it’s fair to say that the OP bailed on them at the last minute, it’s also true that the their friends made a last minute change that they were not comfortable with, and were not part of what the OP agreed upon.
Indeed, as turning off the sound of the cameras is in the hands of the OP’ friends, the ball is in their court on this one.
And they should think very carefully as to whether or not cancelling their non-refundable trip would be worth not finding a way to turn off the sound on their cameras…