While there are some given societal expectations of modesty, at the end of the day it comes down to someone’s personal comfort.
Many people have no trouble wearing revealing clothing to just about any occasion, while others like to be as covered up as possible, no matter the temperature.
Unfortunately, sometimes no matter how comfortable people feel in the clothes they are wearing, others around them might not be comfortable with those fashion chocies.
Redditor Prestigious_Tea_2787 had adopted a new wardrobe style after giving birthd to her second child.
Unfortunately, the original poster (OP)’s new style did not sit well with her sister-in-law (SIL), who told the OP to her face that she was making her and her husband “uncomfortable”.
This unfortunately became and ongoing issue between the OP and her SIL, but the OP remained resolute.
Concerned about how she handled this, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for pushing back on my SIL for asking me to dress differently because her and my BIL are uncomfortable?”
The OP explained why her choice of clothing made her SIL “uncomfortable”, and why she wouldn’t stop wearing them:
“3 [months postpartum] with baby #2, & layer a tank top under my sweaters in case I get a hot flash during/after nursing.”
“Got a text from my SIL saying she and BIL are uncomfortable by my tank tops and would appreciate if I wear things that are more covering.”
“She mentioned when I bent over she could see down my chest.”
“I was confused bc my SIL nurses without a cover, watches shows with partial nudity, wears a bikini at the beach, etc.”
“I generally don’t comment on anyone else’s ‘modesty’ because it’s very subjective, but this felt like a double-standard.”
“I apologized for unintentionally making them uncomfortable, but then voiced my perspective.”
“She countered saying her not using a cover is about feeding her baby, that the beach is fine bc everyone else is doing it, and no comment on shows/movies.”
“She pressed that I can find options that keep me cool and are more covering.”
“I wrote 2 lengthy texts on how it still felt like a double standard to me and she said she didn’t want it to be this big deal, just wanted to let me know they’re uncomfortable.”
“The convo did not end with closure.”
“AITA for not just changing my outfits?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for not changing her outfits to please her SIL.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s SIL had no say in what she should and shouldn’t wear, with others feeling that the only reason her SIL was so invested in the OP’s outfits was probably because they caught the attention of her husband:
“NTA.”
“Sounds like BIL has a wandering eye and she’s making that your fault.”- caitgoes
“NTA.”
“If she doesn’t want BIL to see down your top when you bend over HE CAN AVERT HIS EYES AND NOT LOOK DOWN YOUR TOP!”
“Don’t change yourself because other people sexualize your breasts and nursing!”
“SIL is blaming the wrong person.”- GellyG42
“NTA.”
“I’d counter with ‘you have no obligation to look, so I feel uncomfortable that you look down my top’.”- iDontGetCute92
“It’s not modesty.”
“She doesn’t like her husband looking at your boobs, that’s all.”
“NTA.”
“Just thank her for her concern and wear what you feel comfortable wearing.”- brasscup
“So basically shes caught her husband looking at your chest and shes insecure.”
“NTA.”
“She can get over herself and her husband can keep his pervy wandering eye in check!”
“Absolutely not your problem.”- princessmem
“NTA.”
“Do whatever you want with your body and business.”
“Your SIL can kick rocks in open toed shoes for saying something to you in the first place.”
“If it’s because BIL can’t mind his manners, they both eat glass.”- stefaniey
“NTA, you’re not responsible for her jealousy or insecurities.”- Gleneral
“Do you live with these people?”
“And if you do, can you move?”
“Disgusting behavior, how much are they even looking at your chest to form an opinion on your tops when you’re 3 months pp?”
“And where is your SO in all this?”
“NTA, but unless that’s your brother and the SIL is just a ridiculous prude, I’d lay odds this is about BIL getting caught looking down your chest.”
“SIL is still ridiculous, but it adds a creepy layer.”- ABSMeyneth
“Not comfortable – don’t spend time in my company.”
“They have the issue, not you.”
“If it continues just point out loudly anything that could be deemed uncomfortable.”
“Children in summer tops or shorts, older people in ‘skimpy’ clothing ‘sexy sexist videos/films’ – all with a loud patronizing ‘oh my that makes me so uncomfortable’.”
“NTA.”- Artistic-Spray138
“SIL: what you wear makes us uncomfortable.”
“OP: that sounds like a ‘you’ problem.”
“scene.”
“NTA.”- mr_shmits
“NTA.”
“If they’re bothered by your choice of attire they’re free to remove themselves from your presence.”-Anxious-Routine-5526
“NTA.”
“You’re wearing two whole layers that both fully cover you and your cleavage unless you (shock! horror!!) bend over – and at that point a whole lot of tops are going to show cleavage unless they’re fairly tight to the neck, which makes them difficult to use as nursing tops.”
“If they’re ‘uncomfortable’ then your sister-in-law and her husband need to stop looking down your top when you’re picking something up, not police your clothing.”
“And if they don’t want to make things dramatic, then they need to stop creating drama out of you wearing a completely normal top.”- Normal-Height-8577
“NTA.”
“You wear what you want.”
“If they’re uncomfortable they can leave.”- lily3388
“NTA.”
“You’re wearing a tank top, which is considered to be more than adequate cover in most places.”
“How you dress is her partner’s problem to deal with; it’s not yours.”- Individual_Ad_9213
“NTA.”
“They’re uncomfortable.”
“That’s a them problem not yours.”- bakeacakeyum
“NTA.”
“Her hubs was stupid and looked or said something.”
“All the other flesh is ok because he probably knows not to comment or look, but he screwed up.”
“BTW, he’s not uncomfortable, she is.”
“I’m pretty modest, my tank tops don’t gape and are not low neck, so yes, in theory you can wear a tank top and not attract much attention, so there are compromises.”
“But I would be compelled to first wear something truly alarming and outrageous to help her understand that this can become much, much worse, and it depends on her behavior.”- zaleli
“So stay AWAY from BIL and his wife.”
“Your Husband, Your + His BABY(s), You, are : Your Family that You must teamwork-with, respect, love, build, prioritize, and defend.”
“Ensure the long-term good of your children and marriage and yourself; building long-term healthy useful happy lives so that.”
“NTA.”- Vegetable-Section-84
“NTA.”
“Sounds like this is more about SIL’s own insecurity than any issue you’re causing.”
“Tell her to grow up.”- Mandalabouquet
“NTA.”
“They need to deal with their discomfort and not be prudes, or shame you.”
“Frankly, I’d be irritated enough with that, I might wear less around them.”- Linkcott18
“NTA.”
“The closure is you stop hanging out with them and surround yourself with people that actually don’t look at you and think boob’s = sex.”- Simple_Assumption577
“NTA.”
“I mean, they could just not look down your shirt..?”
“Carry on as you are: they have no say in how you dress, present yourself, or feed your baby.”
“Definitely don’t get into long text conversations about it.”
“The only correct answer to them saying they are uncomfortable or they can see down your chest is ‘well stop looking then’.”
“Stop being apologetic and defensive.”- MoxieOHara
“Yeah, nah…this is complete BS.”
“NTA.”
“It’s not even like ‘your top is so low cut your nipples are showing’.”
“Not that there’s anything wrong with a low cut too, but I’m sat here trying to figure out how bad it could possibly be that she actually voiced it to you.”
“But it’s not even that…it’s ’when you bent over I could see..’ like miss me with this nonsense.”
“Don’t look down my top if I’m bending over.”
“To think she actually typed out her solution of you changing the way you dress bc they looked down your top when you were bent over, is astounding.”- Spare-Article-396
“NTA.”
“You should not have apologized.”
“Stop engaging on it and just say ‘thanks, I will take that into consideration’.”
“SIL is likely projecting her insecurities onto you.”- SpeakableFart
If the OP was dressing the way she does simply to get her SIL’s goat, this would be a different conversation entirely.
However, as she is dressing in clothes that make her the most comfortable in her different condition, it would be in the best interest of the OP’s SIL to let things go, and worry about herself.
Or, perhaps, have a discussion with her husband to do something about his wandering eyes…