Making a pregnant woman feel as comfortable as possible is usually a priority for a partner.
But that is not the case in every relationship.
Sometimes the pregnant person will take a backseat to in-laws.
When situations like this arise, the drama starts flying fast.
Some family seems to only cause discomfort.
Redditor BlacksmithLeather726 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for demanding that my husband pick my needs over his parents and let them feel cold for a bit?
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (35 F[emale]) am currently 37 weeks pregnant and due for a planned C-section at the end of the week (due to some complications with my baby).”
“My husband’s (35 M[ale]) parents are here to help with the newborn baby.”
“Since they have come through, all that has happened is that I now have to cook for 4 instead of 2 and clean up after everyone.”
“But these are not the major issues.”
“The issue is that they can’t stand the cold.”
‘It’s currently autumn where I am and going into winter.”
“I warned them before they came that it would be cold.”
“The house is heated to 20 °C, but that doesn’t seem to be enough for them.”
“And she complains about the cold at least 5 times a day.”
“Now I have been running hot (probably because of the pregnancy), and 20 °C is borderline too much for me.”
“I’m walking around in my summer clothes.”
“I’ve asked them (and given them) extra layers to put on so they feel warmer, which until yesterday she refused to put on.”
“Last night they visited some relatives (and I didn’t go, as I was feeling too tired), and she took the opportunity to complain to my husband about how cold she’s been feeling.”
“So the moment he came home at night, he turned on the heater.”
“I warned him that it would get too hot at night for me, but he said what else was he supposed to do, and kept the heater on.”
“He turned it off before he slept, but it was so hot for me last night that I sweated through my clothes and bedclothes.”
“And it isn’t just this.”
“When I said that we shouldn’t have outside visitors till the baby gets his vaccinations (because of his complications) and that no one should be allowed to kiss him on the face.”
“He argued with me over it, saying that if someone was sick, they would let us know and only that person could be excluded.”
“He did the same with me when I said that the midwives insisted that the baby should be sleeping in a room no warmer than 20 °C.”
“He argued with me that the kids in the tropics sleep in warmer rooms. “
“And when his mom randomly dropped in the middle of a casual conversation that she was going to be carrying out an old tradition for the baby on the 28th day, he didn’t even object and just accepted it.”
“Now we had discussed this particular tradition previously, and he was totally against it then.”
“But when his mom brought it up, he said that if she does it, it won’t hurt anybody and it’ll make her happy, which is true, but I said that if we don’t set any boundaries in the beginning, then more and more of these ‘traditions’ will crop up.”
“What pisses me off about things like the visitors is that I’m only saying it to protect the baby, and it could actually harm the baby, and he still argues with me about it.”
“He says it’s just a discussion, but to me it feels like he thinks I’m being irrational and paranoid.”
“I told him that I don’t feel like he’s on my team and I’m being forced to do all the adjusting while he looks after his parents’ comfort.”
“He says I should just adjust for a while till they can adjust to being here.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Am I overreacting here? AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Oh, honey.”
“You having to cook for 4 people instead of 2 and doing all the cleanup already is a major issue.”
“You are heavily pregnant.”
“You should be the one catered to and not the one catering.”
“Your husband is clearly a mommy’s boy.”
“He has repeatedly shown he will choose his mother over you.”
“You need at least one person in your life who will put you first.”
“He isn’t that person, so be that person for yourself.”
“Stop putting up with this nonsense. NTA.” ~ Tanooki07
“NTA, since they can’t just go home, maybe she can go to her sister’s.”
“Otherwise, OP needs to turn this around, don’t cook for anyone, ask M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] what she’s making for dinner, and remind her she’s here to help out, not as a guest to be waited on.”
“If your husband turns the heat on you, promptly go and turn it off.”
“Tell them they can put on extra layers, or you can walk around naked since you’re already wearing way fewer clothes than they are.”
“Stop making things comfortable for them, and when they complain, remind them this is your house and they’re welcome to leave, but you’re done with their nonsense!”
“Tell your husband if he’s not choosing you as his wife, then he’s basically choosing divorce!”
“Time to draw a hard line in the sand!” ~ Ok-Knowledge9154
“LOL, my husband and I are opposite, and he still keeps it like a hot house 😏, despite my sharing the same logic.”
“I give in because I remember the pre-COVID days in the office when I would get cold to the bone regardless of having sweaters, lap blankets, and fingerless gloves to no avail. It hurts!”
“Some days I’d have to go into the office kitchen and run my hands under hot water just to recover feeling.”
“HOWEVER, in the case of OP, advanced pregnant women get the say, and others need to sort out their issues and not become part of the burden.”
“Husband needs to sort out his priorities immediately before the baby arrives.”
“A new mother should never feel second in her own home. NTA.” ~ didilamour
“Yeah, if they are there to ‘help,’ then why isn’t mommy dearest cooking and cleaning?”
“NTA for expecting him to support you and be on your side – he is prioritizing his parents’ comfort over yours and your child’s (when here).”
“I know you said they couldn’t leave, but boundaries need to be set or they will continue to walk all over you.” ~ RawrBez
“Agree with this.”
“Just that part about you having to cook for them is already a big nope for me.”
“They need to leave.”
“I’m pregnant, 28 weeks, and will not accept anything other than me being pampered by my husband.”
“Set your standards and boundaries higher, my love.”
“You deserve it.”
“You’re making a whole a** human being in your body! “
“If your husband can’t see that, he can also leave.”
“I’d rather suffer alone than with people who treat me less than I deserve.” ~ ACuppaTeaADay
“You have a husband problem.”
“Tell him either they’re here to help, so he and they do the laundry, shopping, cooking, and cleaning, or they leave and HE does these tasks.”
“You’re done caring for 2 extra people.”
“You could make him wear a 50lb vest for the weekend, can’t take it off, so he gets a very (very) small taste of what you’re going through.” ~ utahforever79
“Go to your parents and remain there until your parents leave.”
“And allow no rituals.” ~ Medusa_7898
“100% this OP.”
“I really feel for you, during my pregnancy I had to have the aircon on at 18C and a fan at night due to body temperature.”
“My partner adjusted to more blankets and also organised a second cooling unit for me 😅.”
“You’re 37 weeks pregnant and you mentioned complications, honestly, you should be being looked after and catered to right now, and your husband should be putting you and the baby first.”
“I’m surprised at your self-control, because most people would have pregnant hulked out – nothing scarier than an angry mama to be!” ~ Minute-Chain8334
“NTA. As a fellow pregnant woman, I keep my house at 14C, and everyone else can suck it up.”
“They want the heat on?”
“They can leave, or you just start walking around in a nursing bra and panties.”
“It’s YOUR house, YOUR pregnancy, YOUR needs that matter.”
“Not the moms.”
“As for setting boundaries?”
“That’s absolutely correct, and if your husband isn’t going to support you, then he can get out.”
“You’re protecting your BABY.”
“It has NO IMMUNE SYSTEM.”
“Personally, we aren’t allowing any visitors for 6 weeks.”
“We aren’t telling anyone when I go into labor, so nobody just shows up when they want.”
“When we have visitors, they will be FULLY VACCINATED.”
“I’m sure I won’t be the only one voicing my opinion in this manner, so feel free to show this post and these comments to your mama’s boy husband to try and get it through his thick head.” ~ gabrigor
“NTA – you don’t have an in-laws problem, you have a husband problem.”
“As for the heat, absolutely not.”
“If necessary, he could go get them a portable heater.”
“OP who is coming to the hospital… Because I think in-laws are going to try to come with you, and you’d better tell them your plans now.” ~ eyeofthecorgi
OP returned to chat…
“1: My husband has been generally supportive throughout my pregnancy and the complications we’ve had with the baby.”
“His parents are nice people, and I generally like them.”
“They’ve travelled halfway across the world to be here and can’t be told to go back just like that.”
“He’s trying to keep the peace, but all compromises seem to be falling on me.”
“Usually it would have been my folks who came to help, but my mum passed away a couple of years ago, and my sister will be here in February to help out.”
Reddit is 1000% with you, OP.
Your husband needs to step up.
You and your baby are the priority.
Situations like this will only get worse with time.
Good luck with everything.