When travelling to destinations unknown, it’s often best to know as much about the location as possible.
As glamorous or as alluring as some places seem, there can be an insidious underbelly waiting to prey on tourists.
When locals send up red flags, it may be a good idea to listen and not judge.
But not everyone cares about warnings.
Redditor Initial-Midnight-251 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for ‘ruining’ a vacation for my future M[other]-I[n]-L[aw]?
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (25 F[emale]) am a mixed individual who was born and raised in South Africa, specifically Cape Town.”
“My family and I moved to Canada when I was 16, and it was when I was studying here for university that I met my fiancé (24 M[ale]).”
“My fiancé’s mom (54 F) has always been someone who loves to travel, so I wasn’t surprised when, at our last family dinner, she announced her plans to take the family on vacation again.”
“However, she announced that this year’s family trip would be to Cape Town.”
“I was immediately concerned for a number of reasons.”
“As someone who grew up there, I can confirm that the area has high crime rates and can be very dangerous, especially if you are a woman, and I know she is planning on taking her daughter (17 F) with her.”
“I was shocked when she mentioned that this was her plan.”
“She immediately began asking me questions, like, ‘What did I think about the vacation?'”
“‘Did I want to come with them?'”
“‘What should she pack?'”
“I was (and still am) very concerned for her safety, as she isn’t exactly a ‘street-smart’ person.”
“It must have been clear on my face, because she asked why I looked so shocked.”
“I told her outright that if I were her, I would reconsider the destination, as while it is gorgeous, it is not a safe place to travel to without prior experience or a close friend to help you, especially with a teenage girl in your travel party.”
“Almost immediately, she accused me of being ‘rude’ and ‘discouraging.'”
“She said that she had been excited about this trip, and I was trying to ‘ruin’ it for her.”
“She even went as far as to imply that my mixed heritage had tainted how I viewed the city.”
“My fiancé and I left immediately, he says I did the right thing by trying to keep them safe, but I still feel awful.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. She asked what you thought.”
“You told her.”
“You weren’t trying to be mean or rain on her parade; you were trying to keep her safe.” ~ Donutsmell
“Exactly. She literally asked for OP’s input, then got upset when OP gave it.”
“OP is just looking out for her safety, not trying to ruin anything.”
“That heritage comment was uncalled for.” ~ bielmanm
“NTA. You’re protecting her from her own ignorance.”
“Rather she be offended than murdered.”
“She’s being incredibly naive about the safety risks in a place like Cape Town for a non-local.” ~ giantbrownguy
“Speaking of protecting, the real issue is what, if any, measures the fiancé took or will take to repudiate his mother’s abhorrent behavior.”
“Meaning consequences, not just telling the author she did something good in private afterward.” ~ Scenarioing
“I visit South Africa nearly every year as a white European, whether it’s for a few weeks or just a few days before transiting on to elsewhere in Africa (always cheap flights between Frankfurt and Joburg).”
“It’s overall my favorite country in the world.”
“That said, there are some people I know who I would NOT recommend visiting there.”
“It depends on travel experience, street smarts, and generally the way they see and interact with the world.”
“I just have a gut feeling about whether it’s a good idea for the people in my life to visit there.”
“It sounds like OP had the same gut feeling about their MIL, and it’s saying NO!” ~ beerouttaplasticcups
“I feel like OP has not really travelled herself.”
“There are many tourist destinations that could be considered dangerous as well.”
“But Cape Town, and especially the more tourist areas, is going to be safer than many places.”
“I agree with the NAH.” ~ just_peachy1000
“Agree. I’ve been to Cape Town four times, once on my own, and I would never discourage anyone from going there.”
“On the contrary! Now, just like with any big city in the world, mind your surroundings, don’t do anything silly, and the odds will be with you.”
“Millions of tourists visit the city every year!”
“While I do understand OP’s concerns, they seem a little too extreme.”
“I’m wondering why that is.” ~ crackedactor82
“NTA. She asked, you told her.”
“Imagine if you sugar-coated everything and she got mugged and scammed left and right.” ~ LittleLemonSqueezer
“ESH. I’ve been to Cape Town and it was an amazing week with my friend.”
“It’s a beautiful city.”
“You should have provided suggestions on how she could stay safe and which areas are better to stay in over others, rather than implying she shouldn’t go at all.”
“But she was also quite inappropriate and over the top to bring your background into the conversation.” ~ jubarator
“NTA. She asked, and you spoke up.”
“Based on what I see from the travel advisories, I’d almost consider you an a**hole if you didn’t speak up.”
“For context, I grew up and live in a city that tops annual murder charts and other crime rates in the US (New Orleans). “
“So when someone freaks out at me about me going somewhere ‘dangerous,’ I often ask, ‘compared to what?’”
“Places like New Orleans, which some perceive as dangerous, are fine to travel to as long as you keep your head on a swivel, watch out for scams and pick pockets, and don’t go looking for trouble.”
“While random gun violence does happen, murders and other similar crimes are typically between people that know each other/gang violence, and domestic disputes.”
“So if somebody expressed a serious concern, I check the travel advisories and specifically look for whether or not violent crime impacts tourists.”
“Looking at the travel advisories put out by the Canadian government, Canada advises that tourists exercise a high degree of caution.”
“Unfortunately, that designation leads to a lot of people taking more risks than they should because you need to read the advisory to see whether or not it’s something you really should be concerned about.”
“For comparison, the Canadian government also lists France as an area to exercise a high degree of caution.”
“France has that designation due to the potential for terrorist attacks.”
“Italy has a similar designation.”
“Both France and Italy list petty crime as being the main concern for tourists, though, and the most likely harm a tourist would encounter.”
“So if your mother-in-law checked the travel advisories and saw that South Africa had that designation, and she’s been to France and Italy before without issue.”
“I could see her thinking that there’s no big deal about going to South Africa.”
“But if you read the South African travel advisory, it says that there are far more dangerous things that could impact tourists, like murder, muggings (including people being followed from the airport), people impersonating police officers, and other things that are direct risks that tourists could face.”
“The advisory specifically says the tourists are a target and that the violent crime is not restricted to mostly residents.”
“That being said, I do think you could’ve approached this conversation a little bit better.”
“I understand you were asked, and you gave an off-the-cuff response, but I think that some qualifying of your answer could go a long way.”
“You can tell her that it’s a beautiful place again, and a very exciting trip, and you hope that she has a wonderful time if they are still going to go.”
“But, it is a difficult place for tourists to navigate alone, crime is a real risk to tourists, and you would really recommend that they get connected with a tour group rather than trying to handle the trip on their own.” ~ anglerfishtacos
“NTA. She asked you for your opinion, and you gave it.”
“Is she planning on staying at some all-inclusive resort and not leaving the property?”
“She’ll probably be safe.”
“Is she planning on exploring and trying to ‘see the city?’”
“She may be safe, and may not be safe.”
“Either way, she had absolutely no reason to make racial comments at you.”
“You have lived experiences in the area.”
“Thus, you have more knowledge than she does.”
“That’s that.” ~ lutetia128
“NTA – especially given the racist remark she threw in – but I think you’re overstating the danger.”
“I’ve been to South Africa twice, and have friends who live there, and there is a very serious crime problem, but it’s also a huge tourist destination and not exactly a war zone.”
“I realize different people have different tolerances for crime, but with some basic precautions, they’ll likely have no problems.”
“I think your heart was in the right place, but I also think the idea that you shouldn’t bring a 17-year-old to Cape Town is really misplaced.” ~ allison375962
“NTA at all, she asked you, a local, for your opinion and advice, and then won’t take it and get all defensive because she doesn’t like what she’s hearing.”
“You did the right thing.” ~ Ontas
“I mean… a more useful thing would be to advise her on areas or behaviors to avoid than just telling someone who is clearly gonna do what she wants anyway, not to do it. but eh, NAH.” ~ Independent-Bug-2780
“NTA, she’s lucky you care.” ~ EastAd8026
“What did you do to make you believe you are in any way an a**hole here?!”
“You warned her of the dangers of the place you were born.”
“She asked. You told her.”
‘She’s being really weird about this by not listening to your experience! NTA.” ~ West_House_2085
Reddit is with you, OP.
You told the truth because you cared.
Tell her to do a little more research, and she’ll learn quickly that you’re right.
She owes you an apology.
Try not to feel bad.