Sleep is an imperative part of survival.
Lack of sleep, or never having restful sleep, can be dangerous.
That’s why couples often fight over who is the cause of bad sleep in a relationship.
The topic of sleep can lead to major life upheaval.
Who knew?
Redditor OppositeNo2609 to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for telling my husband to stop setting alarms?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Hi guys, I feel like I’m insane.”
“My husband and I have been married for four months.”
“We get along great, and this is the only problem in our marriage so far.”
“He works a shift from 7:30 to 3:30, and I work a 9 to 5.”
“We did spend about 3 to 5 nights a week together before this, and he only started doing this within the last few months (after we got married and moved in together), which makes me feel even more insane.”
“He sets alarms in 5-minute intervals from 6 AM to 7 AM.”
‘So that’s 12 alarms.”
“But instead of turning them off when they go off, he hits the snooze button.”
“Again and again and again.”
“So there are 12 alarms snoozed maybe 3 times, meaning the phone is going off CONSTANTLY.”
“Different alarm sounds, too!!”
“One sounds like the foghorn from SpongeBob, one sounds like a party anthem, one is just really high-pitched blaring like a traditional alarm clock, etc.”
“He gets upset with me because apparently I often yell at him to ‘turn it the f**k off’ without remembering later.”
“Right now we’re fighting because — and I DO 100% remember this — I told him, ‘You can set one alarm and snooze it twice, and if you can’t do that, I want a f**king divorce.'”
“Well, he did do that, and supposedly he ‘accidentally’ slept through all three alarms and was late for work and his boss is mad at him.”
“And he’s mad at me for not waking him up.”
“I was just trying to sleep before my own job.”
“I told him it’s not my job to keep track of time, and he’d better suck it up and learn to wake up because I’m not going to listen to 30 alarms in the morning.”
“I’m at my wits’ end and don’t understand what’s going on.”
“As far as I know, he doesn’t have any medical conditions related to sleep.”
“I told him maybe he needs to see a doctor, and he says he doesn’t.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“It’s not actually required that married people sleep in the same room.” ~ flickanelde
“It’s not even required that married people sleep in the same house.”
“Separate domiciles for otherwise compatible couples is rare, but it definitely happens.” ~ carbonel17
“My husband and I don’t always sleep together, and we’ve never been closer.”
“We understand that sleep is a basic human need, and if one of us needs to wake up extra early, or is sick, or is feeling restless, we go to a different room and allow the other space to sleep.”
“Having conversations when we’re tired, hungry, or emotional will always result in heightened reactions.”
“I think you both need sleep to have a rational conversation.”
“Also, ‘sunrise clocks’ are pretty good and might be more helpful than phone alarms.” ~ Aggravating-Bad-7218
“NTA, I can’t imagine doing that in a shared bed at all, quite rude.”
“The obvious answer is to set 36 alarms on your phone to go off between 4 and 5 am.” ~ Konfituren
“Sleep disturbance is a torture tactic for a reason.” ~ Pristine_Direction79
“Like, how the hell did he get out of bed before they got married?”
“They spent 3 to 5 nights a week together, and this didn’t come up until the last few months?”
“l If I were his wife, I’d roll him right out of the bed as soon as the first alarm goes off.”
“NTA – this guy has a medical problem if he needs that many alarms to get out of bed, and he has a huge attitude problem if he thinks subjecting his wife to this bulls**t is at all okay.” ~ 10S_NE1
“It’s really easy to get into this situation.”
“When you set alarms and then don’t get up, you’re constantly sleep deprived… and so you sleep through alarms, so you set more alarms, and it makes the situation worse.”
“The solution is to just make sure there’s an alarm that cannot be turned off.”
“If I were the wife, though, I would kick him out of bed as soon as the alarm goes off the first time.”
“Eventually, his body will go back to normal.” ~ xicor
“My partner used to do that.”
‘After exhaustion and many arguments, I finally threw a cup of cold water on him.”
“Huge argument, but he has a 2 snooze limit and sticks to it.”
“If this didn’t happen on sleepovers when you were dating, he’s just immature and trying to do 2 things.”
“Force you to wake up on his schedule, and second, wants you to mommy him, and wake him up.”
“Neither is acceptable.”
“Your sleep needs didn’t change just because you got married.”
“He’s trying a passive-aggressive way to control you and your sleep.”
“Stupid but true.”
“Don’t threaten divorce.”
“Just put your foot down and let him know you’re not waking up with him, so he can cut the immature antics, and that if he wants you to keep your job, you need sleep too.”
“Adults get themselves up and go to work.”
“If they’re late, it’s nobody’s fault but theirs.”
“If he starts blaming you for his actions this early in your marriage, you have a very rough road ahead.”
“Maybe time to get some couples counseling.”
“Nip behavior in the bud early.” ~ Professional_Ear6020
“I am a heavy sleeper like your husband.”
“I can absolutely turn my alarm off in my sleep and not remember a thing.”
“NTA and he needs to take responsibility for himself, although threatening divorce was over the top.”
“Have him download a phone alarm that requires him to do tasks before you can snooze it.”
“This helps wake up your brain.”
“Alarm Clock Xtreme is a good one for this – you have to solve math problems before you can fully turn it off.”
“Difficulty can be adjusted as needed.”
“Another option is for him to put his phone somewhere where he has to get up to turn it off.”
“My son has inherited my heavy sleeping and puts his phone under his bed.” ~ thechaoticstorm
“The thing when someone ‘trains’ themselves using multiple alarms hitting snooze, they learn to sleep through them.”
“It literally isn’t waking him up.”
“And it’s entirely his problem.”
“He needs to learn to set the one alarm, put the alarm across the room so that he needs to get up out of bed to turn it off, so hitting snooze isn’t tempting anymore.”
“And if he can’t see that and insists on continuing to do so, there is really no option other than to keep suffering or kick ’em to the curb.” ~ Cory_flavell
“Put a large bucket of water filled with ice cubes beside the bed.”
“Say, ‘You either get up to your alarm, or you get the bucket.'”
“Deadpan seriously.”
“And follow it up.”
“It will happen once. NTA.” ~ EmploymentLanky9544
“When we were first married, before cell phones had alarms, my husband would set his alarm for 4:00 a.m. on Saturday to get up to go hunting.”
“I was fine with it going off once, but not the subsequent snoozing.”
“It was my day off too, and I wanted to sleep in.”
“I let him know that the snoozing had to stop.”
“It didn’t.”
“So one morning when it was going off, I got up and shut it off and threw it out the window.”
“Never happened again.”
“It’s not fair to you. NTA.” ~ kdali99
“NTA. I see absolutely NO PROBLEM telling some a**hat that possessed my previously nice and sweet husband’s body that now needs thirty-eleven different alarms over a one-hour period to get his happy a** out of bed that I will be getting a DIVORCE if that is that s**t isn’t knocked off PRONTO!”
“A more reasonable reason for demanding a divorce cannot be found in my book.”
“Sleep is f**king sacred.” ~ SpicyPorkWontonnnn
“Before learning, I actually had a disorder that was causing my difficulty with waking.”
“The solution I came up with as a kid was to have three clocks set to go off at the same time.”
“They were in different locations in my room, one being in the drawer of the dresser holding the clothes I’d already picked out for that next day.”
“The process of stumbling around bleary-eyed to find and deactivate the alarms always invigorated me enough to wake fully.”
“He really does need to see a doctor, especially if this difficulty waking is new.”
“Let him know it’s not just a matter of simple annoyance, but mainly the fact that this could be something serious.” ~ Current_Call_9334
“NTA. That’s ridiculous.”
“Under no circumstances should you have listened to 30 alarms hours before you need to get up.”
“Look into vibrating alarm bracelets, or he can sleep with an earbud alarm.”
“He can sleep in another room if he refuses.” ~ JohnRedcornMassage
“NTA. And if he wasn’t doing this before you got married, what changed?”
“I’d want a divorce, too, from what sounds like a selfish individual.”
“He managed to get up before, but now suddenly he can’t.”
‘It’s BS.”
“He’s doing this on purpose to piss you off.” ~ Icy-Mix-6550
“Get him a smart watch.”
“He can set the alarm in vibrating mode so he will feel the vibration on his wrist only.”
“This way it will not bother you.” ~ Ok_Top_7535
That kind of alarm situation could drive anyone crazy.
Reddit is with you, OP.
Perhaps it is a medical problem he is neglecting.
Hopefully, he’ll take some of yours or Reddit’s suggestions.
Good Luck, and maybe set him up on the couch for a bit.