The best of friends and lovers have become enemies over cash.
Living situations can become very problematic due to financial woes.
When roommates split everything, there can be a lot of “questionable” behaviors.
Is it always best to have all of the financials out in the open?
Redditor Gigijalato wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for not paying house utilities until I get the receipts?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’m 21 and still new to living life outside of college.”
“Last month, I asked my housemate if he could send me the utility bills statements before I pay him over Venmo.”
‘I got the idea from my grandma, who said I should have receipts for everything I buy, so I wanted to give that a try.”
‘So I get the Venmo for the bill, and there is no statement, and I think ‘Maybe he just forgot.'”
“This seems like a reasonable excuse since I did ask him over a month ago.”
“So I D[irect] M[essage] him ‘Please send receipts for the bills so I can pay you 👍’ and I get no response. “
“I think that’s weird, so the next day I message him the same thing, and I get no response.”
“Yesterday I tried calling him on Messenger, Discord, and over the phone and got no response.”
“Is asking to see the bill statement something that I should have been doing from the beginning, and now it’s coming back to bite me.”
“Side note: I did ask him for the bill statements back in September, and he seemed ‘angry’ about it, but he let me have them.”
“Does asking to see statements make people upset?”
“When I sent him the Internet statement, I didn’t feel upset.”
“Is that normal?”
“He hasn’t responded to me for 2 weeks now, and this is the second or third time he left without a word.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Am I the a**hole for refusing to pay bills when I don’t see the bill statement?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Just wondering though, why don’t you just go and talk to him if you’re living in the same house?” ~ wombat74
“NTA. He’s either overcharging you or is offended and infers that you’re calling him a thief.”
“Can you ask for the bills and say your parents (or you) need them for tax purposes?’
“That’s a legit reason for some people, and could be for you as well, as far as he knows.” ~ evita12345
“It is absolutely valid.”
“If OP is still a student, or receiving grants for post-grad studies/research/etc, they could report their rent as a school expense (room and board) and get a mild tax credit for it.”
“It’s not much, but every penny off your taxes is a win.”
“Especially during and immediately after college.” ~ Inevitable-Ad2494
“NTA. The problem is that a lot of roommates will screw you if they can.”
“I had one who wanted me and the other roommate to pay the utilities entirely because he put it on his credit, and that should be his portion.” ~ Grand-Gene6598
“I once lived with a person with whom I had to start communicating solely through email because otherwise she’d lie, twist, ignore, etc., and she was extremely sue-happy.”
“I’m not saying it’s this bad in OP’s house, but if this person is being a dick about giving proof of amounts owed, it could be best to put it in writing.” ~ Starling01018
“Obviously, he’s overcharging you, or why else would he not share copies of the actual bills?”
“Don’t pay him a penny until you see the bill from now on.” ~ Lovebug-1055
“My husband’s ex-best friend tried to con him out of thousands with bills.”
“My husband and another of their friends had been paying rent and an additional amount to cover utilities.”
“At the end of the tenancy, he told them they owed an additional 400 to cover the last of the bills.”
“Then 9 months later, he was demanding another larger amount to cover the last bill.”
“But when my husband asked for a copy of the bill, he was sent it with a different address on.”
“Turns out he’d skimmed off the top every month they lived together (hence the additional at the end), and he then tried to claim more from them both, but it was for his new address.”
“Always get receipts.” ~ floss147
“That would be a natural conclusion to make, but OP said the housemate showed him the bill in September after they asked for it, and seemingly nothing was wrong with the amount charged.”
“If the roommate was overcharging him, the September bill would have been overcharged, but it wasn’t.”
“OP is NTA, because of course, they have every right to ask to see the bill.”
“But to provide an alternate explanation for the roommate’s behavior, since it doesn’t appear that they are overcharging OP: some people really don’t like being questioned.”
“OP asking for the receipt is being read by the roommate as ‘prove to me that you’re not lying to me about the amount of the bill.’”
“It can read as antisocial and untrusting.”
“I’m not agreeing or disagreeing with the roommate’s response here, just saying it’s not too uncommon to run into this sort of reaction from people.”
“In my opinion, since OP saw the September bill and it was a legitimate amount, I would just drop it unless the bill amount starts becoming notably more expensive.”
“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with seeing the bill each month, but it otherwise seems sort of pointless if it’s a pet peeve for the roommate.”
“It doesn’t seem to be a hill worth dying on unless there’s a new reason for suspecting being overcharged.” ~ JuanJeanJohn
“It could also be that the roommate is offended by the change because he THINKS OP is accusing him of overcharging.”
“It would have been simpler to ask for bills from the beginning. “
“As it is, OP needs to do the emotional/relationship work of having a chat with his roommate about where the change is coming from and why.”
“NAH, I think – obviously I’ll change my mind if the bill comes back lower than stated.” ~ Patient_Emotion2184
“NTA for asking to see the bills.”
“That’s totally normal and reasonable.”
“Being transparent keeps things fair, and your roommate should be willing to show you receipts, just like you did for the internet.’
“If anything, it’s a red flag if someone refuses to show proof or gets mad about it.” ~ No-Description-6
“NTA, it’s perfectly reasonable to want to have a receipt for bills.”
“Have you tried actual face-to-face communication with your housemate?”
“My concern with his behavior is that he’s not actually paying the bills, and is trying to conceal it.” ~ NarrativeScorpion
“NTA. You have every right to see the statement.”
“If your portion is, say, $50 for your share of November’s electric bill, pay the $50 to your roommate.”
“Then, literally text your roommate, ‘I paid you $50 for my share of November’s electric bill. If there are any problems, text me and let me know.'”
“A lack of response would be all the receipt you need.”
“And make sure you save all those text messages.” ~ Rottenfink
“All of this.”
“Not only are you right for wanting to see the charges you’re paying for, but keep the receipts of the conversations and cash transfers too.”
“Paper trail is your friend! NTA.” ~ Only-Breadfruit-6108
“I agree with the rest of the comments, but I’d also get copies of the rest of the statements as well, as far back as you’ve been kept in the dark.”
“Make sure he’s been charging you half and not the entire thing, or 3/4’s, etc.”
“If he HAS been fleecing you, you can either add up the total he owes and charge him in one payment, or have him pay the bill for as much as he owes you.”
“You can also take him to small claims court.”
“Or you can just say screw it, move out, and find a better roommate.”
“You have options.”
“Either way, asking for receipts = NTA.” ~ oneangrywidow
“NTA. It’s pretty common practice to send the bill, which is being paid by multiple people, to the other people paying it.”
“As a matter of fact, I’d be pretty annoyed if I had to ask for it every time.”
“It’s perfectly reasonable to want to confirm the amount and have your own copy of the receipt.”
“I’ve had several roommates in the past, and often I’ve been the one managing the bills, and have lived while others that managed the bills.”
“Whenever a bill came, I would just send them the bill, or they would send it to me – you get the digitally now, it’s literally the easiest thing to do.” ~ That_UsrNm_Is_Taken
“NTA. You are responsible for paying half of the bill, so you need to have copies of those bills that you pay for.”
“Ask your roommate if they are getting e-bills; if so, forward copies to you.”
“If the bills are mailed, ask to see them so you can take a photo of them.”
“Ask them when you’re with them so they can’t brush you off.”
“If they’re still being shady or acting defensive, you could say that you are applying for a savings/investment/credit card or something like that, and that you need to gather all the financial documents for your living expenses.”
“Set a date: Say that you need a copy of the most recent bill by Nov. 30th if it’s a set monthly amount, or that you need copies of bills from Sept to Nov (or whatever date range) if it’s a variable amount each month.”
“Ask if they see any issues with getting you that info by the end of the month, and if they can’t do so, let them know that you are happy to track down copies of the bills from the service providers on your own with their permission ~ say this as you’re calling the service provider.” ~ FunKnowledge9856
Reddit is with you, OP.
It is not difficult to send copies of bills.
In fact, it’s pretty standard practice.
People who have nothing to hide are transparent.
Be careful with this situation.
Good Luck.