The wedding industry is becoming increasingly difficult and expensive to navigate, and that’s definitely not just for brides and grooms.
It’s more expensive than ever to commit to being a bridesmaid, especially when you have to wear a dress and shoes you’d never pick for yourself or ever wear again, cringed the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Ashamed_Hotel2440 wanted to be mindful of that for her wedding party, so while she had a color and fabric in mind, she otherwise directed her bridesmaids to a website where they could pick any dress they wanted that fell within those parameters.
But when her cousin didn’t want to use that site and chose a much more expensive option, which didn’t even have the color she’d required, the Original Poster (OP) began to smell drama percolating in her wedding party.
She asked the sub:
“Would I be the a**hole (WIBTAH) if I tell my bridesmaids that they have to pick a dress from the website I sent them?”
The OP was trying to be mindful while planning her wedding.
“I (30 Female) am getting married next year in May.”
“I sent my bridesmaids the link to where to get their dresses. The website I sent them is Azazie, which has a wide range of options in the color and fabric I want, and the dresses are all within 100 dollars.”
“The dresses can be any style, as long as the color I picked for them, which is lavender, and the fabric is the same.”
She was surprised when her cousin objected to the website suggestion.
“One of my cousins, who is also a bridesmaid, sent me a link for a different website, which I looked at, but it did not have the colour I selected for my bridesmaids.”
“It’s also Park and Fifth, which is much more expensive, and since my bridesmaids are buying their own dresses, I do not want to ask them to spend a lot of money on me.”
“I texted her, ‘Thank you for sending me the website link, but I’d rather everyone pick from the website I sent them. This way, everyone has the same color shade and fabric.'”
“I didn’t get a text back from her yet.”
“Am I wrong for asking my bridesmaids to pick a bridesmaid dress from the link I sent and not other sites?”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that as long as the site was inclusive, she was NTA.
“If the site you sent is affordable, carries the range of sizes your bridesmaids need, and has styles that address any restrictions they have on what they can wear, for e.g., religious, cultural, gender identity, or disability reasons, you’re fine.”
“Otherwise, you may have an issue. I’d ask if there’s an issue you’re not aware of with the site you picked.” – Synapse4641
“This is what I did for my bridesmaids. I picked a website that had dresses at most $125, told them the color, and let them pick what they wanted.”
“The website had the range of sizes needed, and all the style preferences. If these things are all true, then NTA, but if you picked super expensive or not size inclusive, well…” – Bitter-Composer9508
“NTA 100%. I was worried this was a case of requiring your bridesmaids to buy some pricey designer dresses, but it certainly is not. Azazie is reasonable, and it’s YOUR wedding.” – Ayencee
“NTA. The website’s dresses mostly average under $100 for a large variety of styles. In the United States, it is standard for bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses. This has been the norm for a very long time.”
“I’ve attended and been part of many weddings and wedding parties over the years. I’m going to several weddings again next year, and only one bride has paid for her wedding party’s dresses. That bride’s parents are footing the bill, which is why the bridal party’s dresses are being paid for that way.”
“OP is already being much more relaxed in terms of what she wants her bridesmaids to wear. Many brides pick everything from color, fabric, to style and shoes. No other styles of dress are allowed, and shoes are all the same as well, so for OP to only have a preference in color and material is already nicer than many brides.” – BlueDragon82
“NTA. I saw you said that the site was Azazie. This is exactly what my sister-in-law did when she married my brother. We all chose the style of dress we wanted, but it had to be the right color and fabric (and she wanted a certain length).”
“A nice thing about Azazie is that you can get fabulous deals from their clearance and sale section. You may not get the exact same dye lot for the color, but if it’s close enough, your bridesmaids can get dresses for as low as $15 (well…that was the lowest price four years ago). I ended up buying a bunch of fancy clearance-priced dresses to have on hand.” – ismybrainonthefritz
Others agreed and were concerned that the bridesmaid was only trying to create drama.
“Your cousin is the a**hole for causing drama. There are plenty of dresses to choose from on Azazie.”
“I’d tell her, ‘You’re in or you’re out. I don’t expect the other bridesmaids to buy a dress at that price point. I’m also ensuring that the dye lots for the dresses will match. If you can’t find something you like on Azazie, I’d love to have you as a reader rather than a bridesmaid who is supporting me on my day.'” – Flewwthecoop
“I had my bridesmaids get dresses from Azazie. Gave them a color and fabric, it had to be short and that was it. They all got ones that worked for them. The dresses were $100, $120 at the most. Why make it more complicated?” – Perfect_Form5444
“For the last wedding I was in, I was due three weeks before the wedding, and even I found a dress that worked for me on Azazie! I did the try-on option early-ish in my pregnancy and then ordered a maternity dress. I had it altered, of course, by a local seamstress, but they were a great website!”
“It’s definitely size, style, and modesty inclusive as well as decently priced, so I have no idea why OP’s cousin has a problem with it.” – Outrageous_Cow8409
“NTA. Of COURSE you want the colors and fabrics to match exactly. This is a common request, and you made it so easy by providing a resource.”
“Every time I’ve accepted the invitation to be a bridesmaid, it’s with the understanding that the bride has a lot of say in what the bridesmaids wear.”
“I am so tired of people acting like this is an unreasonable thing for a bride to expect. This is how it has always been done. If people don’t like it, they can politely decline being in the wedding party.” – TheVillageOxymoron
“I used Azazie, and they were great. I did the same thing and asked my bridesmaids to pick the same color (sage) and chiffon as the fabric. They were allowed to pick whatever style they wanted, and it came out beautifully. The dresses were $100-$125, which was reasonable in my opinion. Some of the dress styles they picked have been worn to other events, too.”
“Long story short, NTA! I think it’s a fair and good idea, too.” – Mabu12423
“My friend used Azazie, too, and did the same thing. We just chose which style we wanted. It’s very affordable and the quality is good. Plus, there are good options.”
“It is standard to ask your bridal party to either get one specific gown or choose from some select options. You do not need to allow someone to order from elsewhere because it will not match.” – Natti07
“I used Azazie, and everyone was really happy with the outcome. I ordered swatches of three reds, and we got everyone together to see which one the girls all felt good about.”
“My SIL ended up buying multiple dresses because she loved the range of options and price point so much.”
“Definitely not an unreasonable ask, in my opinion.” – Unitaco90
“I’ve been in multiple weddings and have been asked to get my dresses from Azazie. They are not crazy expensive (around $100) and do have lots of different styles in the same color, so everyone was able to find something that would work for them.”
“I think it’s totally fine to expect your bridesmaids to use the site. That’s the whole point of it, it allows the bride to choose the fabric and color, and then the bridal party chooses what works best for them.”
“I’m honestly shocked that your cousin decided to look elsewhere. Whenever I’ve been asked to use it, it’s never ever been an issue, and everyone was able to find something they liked and at a reasonable price point.”
“They even have an option to order a few to try on to help you decide. Tell your cousin that is the site she has to order from, and maybe offer her a few options from there that you think she’d look great in!”
“And congratulations on your upcoming wedding!!” – sleepygene
Though many brides in the history of American weddings have made the experience a nightmare for their bridesmaids, this OP does not seem to be one of them, at least when it comes to dress shopping.
She might have a color and fabric in mind, which is understandable, but since she’s otherwise interested in her wedding party acquiring dresses that are affordable, fit to their styles, and something they’d want to wear again, she seems to have her priorities straight and chose a website that supports them.