Labor is a grueling, chaotic, sometimes dangerous situation.
Mothers need as much peace as possible.
A lot of family members don’t always seem to make the situation smooth sailing.
And that can cause so much unnecessary stress.
A young woman found herself in a personal dilemma regarding her husband’s parent’s behavior after the birth of their children, so she turned to the “Am I The A**Hole” (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
Redditor Peace-Maker-315 asked:
“AITA because I refuse to have my in-laws at the hospital when we have our child?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“For background, I’m 29, and my husband is 34.”
“We have one child, and we’re about to have another within the next month.”
“I have been VERY adamant that I don’t want >ANYONE< in the hospital to visit until the day after we have our second child.”
“The backstory: ✨Despite my wishes✨, while having our first child, his parents were in our hospital room the ENTIRE TIME.”
“We went in at midnight, and they were there before I was even fully checked in and hooked up to machines.”
“They spent the entire time I was in labor sitting in our hospital room, ‘catching up’ with my husband (because they were completely estranged for 10 years until they found out I was pregnant) and gossiping about people from their hometown.”
“I was in labor for 20 hours.”
“Brutal for listening to stories about your husband’s ex-G[irl]f[riend]’s parent’s real estate company tanking.”
“30 minutes after the super chill and beautiful experience of an emergency C-section, where we both almost died, his parents were back in our hospital room, making me take pictures of them with our daughter.”
“I could have easily stopped it, but they just seemed so excited. I was SO tired, I was still vomiting, and I didn’t want to start a problem at that moment.”
“I truly didn’t want to ruin the entire experience for myself and everyone else, by being like, ‘Lol, why the F are you here???’”
“In hindsight, it was already ruined, but ya know, ‘Hindsight is 20/20.’”
“The next day rolls around, and they literally RACE my family to get to the room before they did.”
“Like they came to the room OUT OF BREATH, telling me they ran because they saw my parents in the parking lot.”
“Once my family got there, his mom was really reluctant to leave or let anyone else hold her.”
“They only left because my nurse (an actual saint in scrubs) came in and told them to leave because there were too many people in the room.”
“10 points to COVID for that.”
“When it came time to leave, my sister came to help us with discharge.”
“His parents, of course, show up as we’re exiting (not invited, just waiting in the parking lot because they knew we were leaving like weirdos).”
“My sister works closely with new mothers/families and helps them to their cars ALL OF THE TIME as part of her job.”
“We had installed one of the straps incorrectly, and she was helping us fix it.”
“His dad had a different idea on how to install the seat.”
“Which… come on, bro, you haven’t installed a car seat in 34 years, please be seated.”
“He proceeds to get in an argument with my sister, SCREAMING over our car because she’s not installing it the way he’s telling her.”
“My sister simply tells him that she sees this seat a lot, and she has it under control.”
“To which he turns around to innocent bystanders and goes, ‘OH LOOK AT THAT, SHE KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT CAR SEATS!'”
“And then calls my sister a ‘dumb b*t<h’ before my husband made him leave.”
“So fast forward 4 years, and a lot of animosity toward my family from his parents, my husband has told them that >>>NO ONE<<< is coming to the hospital until the day after our second child is born, and everyone will get a time, and we’ll let them know when to come.”
“To which his mom just responded, ‘Oh,’ in a really weird tone, and then his Dad said, ‘We’ll discuss it when it gets closer.’”
“Like, there was any room for discussion???”
“It made me super mad, and then I talked to my husband about it, and now we’re arguing about it because he told me that ‘I’m kind of overreacting’ and they’re ‘just excited.’”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA because I’m keeping my in-laws from meeting their grandchild fresh out of my body?”
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here.
“NTA and tell the hospital and your obgyn practice that they are not allowed in the delivery or recovery room, full stop.”
“When your husband gives birth, he’s free to invite anyone he pleases as soon as they please.” ~ Sparklingwine23
“Why even tell his parents that she’s in labor?”
“If she’s having a C-section, then lie about the date.”
“NTA. OP, you have a bit of a husband problem.” ~ mca2021
“This is your medical procedure.”
“No one decides for you, including your husband.”
“The medical team will support you, they don’t want anyone there who will stress the birth or recovery.”
“Make sure your husband understands this.”
“There is plenty of time when you get home to schedule visitors when you want them.” ~ Regular_Giraffe_1879
“OP… you definitely have a husband problem.”
“He is allowing his family to blast through your boundaries like they’re made of feathers.”
“He needs to come correct, or HE’S disinvited from the hospital too.”
“The nurses will make sure of whatever decision you make.”
“They are Valkyries.” ~ Sufficient-Lie1406
“No! NTA!”
“What the absolute f**k?”
“These narcissistic behaviors are performative to make up for the time they were estranged and try to demonstrate they are grandparents of the year.”
“If they can’t handle keeping their kabuki theater home for 24-48 hours to honor their daughter-in-law’s completely reasonable request -especially after the hell you endured last time – forget them.”
“They will run over you the rest of your life, by the way, if they get away with this.”
“And if your husband can’t deal with it – forget him too.”
“I have two dear friends whose spouses sided with parents on similar events like this — and it was the beginning of the end for both.” ~ DaveonReddit76
“NTA: Tell your husband to grow a spine.”
“You are having a baby.”
“Only you get to say who is in the room.”
“His parents sound like a nightmare.”
“I’d never want these people around my kids. Ever.” ~ Vast-Fortune-1583
“That made my blood pressure spike just reading the recap.”
“Tell your husband he’d better make sure they get the message and follow it, or they will feel the full wrath and fury of his hormonally turbocharged wife with 4+ years of built-up resentment. NTA.” ~ PerspectiveKookie16
“NTA. I wouldn’t tell them you are going to have the baby until WAAAAay after the baby has arrived, so you guys can have time together.”
“I would also make sure your other child is with your family and make it clear not tell anyone, and when you have your baby, make it a mission to make sure your child meets the baby first.”
“Then call your in-laws.”
“Make this plain and clear to your husband and to the nurses that your in-laws are not to come in should they magically find out and arrive.” ~ IntroductionNo1556
“NTA. After how they behaved the first time around, I wouldn’t want them there at all.”
“All they did was cause discomfort for you and problems for everyone else.”
“Put your foot down on this, or they’ll just be even worse this time.”
“If your husband can’t find his spine long enough to tell them no, do it for him.”
“If they show up anyway, ask medical staff to remove them.”
“‘We’ll discuss it when the time is closer.'”
“Discuss what?!”
“There’s nothing to discuss.”
“They don’t get input, and it’s not a democracy.”
“You and baby need calm—not their nonsense.” ~ HarharROFLcopters
“Absolutely 100% NTA.”
“It’s absolutely infuriating.”
“Tell your husband not to even contact them until after you have delivered.”
“Make sure they understand you will have them barred from the room if they show up before their allotted time.”
“It would also be ok not to tell them until you’re home.”
“Or not at all.” ~ Anonymoosehead123
“I can’t believe you’re having a 2nd kid with this guy after he allowed his parents to act this way the first time.”
“Were they estranged for 10 years?”
‘He should have told him they were estranged again after your dad called your sister and dumb…”
“I’m serious, your ILs are horrendous, but you have a much bigger husband problem.”
“Why is he even in contact with people who treat his wife this way? NTA.” ~ vrcraftauthor
“Your husband is an exceptional AH for letting his parents behave the way they did the first time.”
“The fact they weren’t escorted off the premises is unforgivable.”
”I wouldn’t have your husband in attendance either.”
‘Tell the nurses that visitors are not allowed, and let them do what your husband will not.”
“NTA by any means.” ~ Maximum-Ear1745
“NTA. Remind your husband that while delivering a baby, YOU are the patient and you can/will have hospital staff remove/ban anyone who shows up before you are comfortable with them being there.”
I’ve given birth four times, and my husband has been by my side for every single delivery, but I wouldn’t hesitate to have him removed as well if he were unwilling to advocate for me.”
“I give zero f**ks what anyone else thinks, wants, or believes they’re entitled to while I’m battling life and death to bring a child into this world.” ~ Darkalleyandabadidea
Reddit is here for you, OP.
Your husband needs to stand up to his parents.
You need all the peace and help you can get.
And they’ve proven that isn’t their priority.