As sad as it is to think about, not all relationships are meant to last forever. Sometimes people grow apart or, as cold-hearted as it sounds, grow tired of their current relationship and want to look elsewhere.
But it seems evilly timed to break up with someone right after they had a baby, when they likely already had suspicions that they wouldn’t want to stay together with her in the long run, pointed out the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor aelewis92 had been with her partner for more than a decade, had married him, and had a baby with him, only for him to grow abusive and distant while she was pregnant, and to end their marriage after the baby was born.
Feeling lost, heartbroken, and alone, the Original Poster (OP) at first tried to make the relationship last, before realizing that she might be better off single than with her estranged partner.
She asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting by blocking my husband’s number after leaving me and our seven-month-old baby?”
The OP’s husband left her when he wasn’t interested in their marriage anymore.
“I (33 Female) am a new mom to a beautiful seven-month-old baby.”
“Unfortunately, I’m navigating deep heartbreak as my husband and the child’s father (33 Male), someone I’ve been dating since I was 19 and who I’ve been married to for two years, chose to leave ‘because he’s not feeling it anymore.'”
The OP’s husband started being abusive and distant during the pregnancy.
“Don’t get me wrong, there were signs. During my pregnancy, as I got bigger, he seemed to resent my requests for help around the house.”
“At one point, when I asked for help taking the garbage out, he said, ‘If you want something done, do it yourself.’ I fell twice taking the garbage out and was shocked at his callousness.”
“This is a man who was happily in love with me for our relationship and through our wedding, and who I’ve moved across the country with multiple times, and with whom I share three amazing animals with, and now a baby.”
“Since giving birth, he’s made allusions to my weight gain and hormonal fluctuation, which has made me very emotional.”
“All of this has led to his decision one month after the baby was born to leave me because ‘he’s not in it anymore.'”
“He moved out, and I am the primary caretaker, with him visiting sometimes after work or on his off days.”
At first, the OP hoped that the relationship would heal and continue as normal.
“For months, I’ve plastered a smile on my face and hoped and prayed that he would realize what he’s losing and want to shape up.”
“That’s not the case. I asked this week to go to couples therapy, which he is refusing to do because, ‘it won’t fix anything.'”
The OP finally decided to take the next step for herself and for her baby.
“I accept that he doesn’t want me in his life, but my loved ones around me are urging me to take control and stop letting him walk all over me.”
“As such, I’ve blocked his number and told him that if he wants to see his baby, we can meet at a fixed location (my dad’s) so I can avoid the heartbreak and anguish of seeing him at our house.”
“He thinks I’m overreacting and doesn’t understand why we can’t handle this amicably.”
“What everyone else sees is an overwhelmed, scared, heartbroken mother who’s been forced into single mom-dom.”
“Am I overreacting by blocking his number and having him see his child only if it’s at my dad’s house? And am I overreacting for wanting to protect myself by speaking with an attorney instead of an unbiased mediator?”
“I’m deep in postpartum depression and am seeking counseling, but wanted more unbiased opinions as I’ve seen fellow heartbroken moms post here about similar situations.”
“AIO?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some agreed with the OP’s family and urged her to fully move on.
“NOR. He’s a sack of sh*t for stepping out on you. Also a major d*ck for being extremely unhelpful during your pregnancy.”
“Keep doing what you’re doing. Don’t attempt to work things out with this man.” – Fearless_Friend7447
“NOR. His version of “amicable” is walking all over her. By blocking him and meeting in a more neutral location, she is actually doing things the amicable way while respecting herself.”
“She needs to get a lawyer and go after him for anything she can get. She’s a brand new single mom with three pets, and he thinks he can leave every responsibility behind and put it all on her, including his own child, and just act like a single dude again? Nahh.” – ThrowRA_iiidk
“NOR, it sounds like he’s been cruel and dismissive from the start, even when you were at your most vulnerable. Blocking him was a way of protecting your peace and your baby’s stability. He walked away, so it makes sense you’d draw firm boundaries now.”
“Keep focusing on you and your little one. You’re making the right call here.” – xStarryBella
“Don’t try to work things out with him. A man who walked out on his wife and newborn is not someone you want to fix things with. Ever. Never get back with him.”
“And that sounds hard now, because you still have feelings for him, and you’re grieving, and he’s made you feel unsure of your own ability and decisions. But you’ve got this!”
“You’re going to get legal counsel and a court-ordered co-parenting plan and a therapist, and you’re going to be fine!” – inkfoibles
“Make yourself a playlist of all the ‘Dumped Him and Better Off for It’ movies and songs you can find. Get a mantra. Forget about the counseling and focus on your own therapy…”
“Whatever it takes not only to NOT go back to him, but to get to you a place where you’re disgusted by the idea of it and wonder how you ever thought it was an option. Because it isn’t one.”
“What. An. A**. Is. He. NOR.” – Depth_Vegetable
“A woman will never forget how a man treated her when she was at her most vulnerable, and how dare he put down the same body that gave him his child. NOR.” – SleepyCupcakeDreams
Others urged the OP to hire an attorney to navigate the divorce and coparenting details.
“TAKE HIM TO COURT!! The thing that’ll hurt him the most is court-ordered child support and set visitations. Do NOT deviate from orders! Good luck, Mom!” – Pencil122127
“Lawyer up. Get child support and a court-ordered visitation schedule.”
“I hope you have a lot of his comments in texts; if so, print them out. He is a major a**hole and I think already has a new honey.”
“Don’t let him visit when he wants to, but if you do, make sure your Dad is there to witness it all. Your husband is a stranger to your child. This is so sad.” – lovenorwich
“He wants you to handle it amicably, by which he means you should have no feelings, and he should have no consequences, just because he abandoned his wife and infant child.”
“Oh h**l no. You need a lawyer, and now. Seeing the baby at a third location without whining about it is the very least he should do.” – PomegranateZanzibar
“Insist on a coparenting app for all communication with him, so you can keep him blocked everywhere else. And arrange for supervised visitation with the baby, but with your in-laws or your parents, not with you, so that you won’t have to be in his presence. I’d cut him out of your life completely.”
“He only wants to stay unblocked so he can be updated about your life. All discussions about your baby should be done through a coparenting app, and any other conversation topics, you should grey rock him.”
“He made his decision, so let him live with it. It’s hard being a single mom, I know (single mum of six for many years), but once you get used to it and step into your stride, you’ll be glad to be alone. Good luck!” – damebabyz56
“OP, please do what you can to take care of yourself. It’s an incredibly fragile time even without having to navigate a divorce.”
“If you’re nursing, the stress can affect your supply, so be prepared for that and have a backup plan. Keep taking your prenatal vitamins. Sleep as much as you can. Get outside in the sunshine. Find a therapist who will allow you to bring your baby if you need to. Join a mother’s group.”
“Take advantage of any resources you can, like WIC, and reduced cost YMCA. Most YMCAs will have free childcare for members. I used to put my baby there and just sit in the lobby and read a book for an hour.”
“I credit that with literally saving my life sometimes. If family and friends offer vaguely to help, have specific things you can ask for. People really do want to help, but don’t often know how. Ask them to make you a freezer meal, or just meet for coffee in the park.”
“I’m so sorry this is happening to you and your baby. Unfortunately, I know several women in my social circle with alarmingly similar stories. I hope you will come through this stronger and more resilient than ever.”
“Sending you and your baby so much love and strength.” – Runny-Yolks
“You can’t just destroy someone else’s life and say you want to have amicable relationships. They were married and she was pregnant, he knew what sacrifices she had made for him and how she was struggling during some things like garbage during pregnancy.”
“She should not have to deal with him at all, and it can go through mediation.”
“And he better be paying child support before seeing the child at all. NOR.” – Live_Angle4621
Though the subReddit could understand a relationship not lasting forever and two people growing apart, the fact that the OP’s husband waited until right after they had a baby to decide that he “wasn’t feeling” their relationship anymore felt uniquely deplorable.
It was important for the OP to see her ex’s lack of respect, love, and care for what it was and realize that she deserved much better in the form of a genuine support system that would set her single mom life up for success, starting with staying close to her family and finding a good attorney.