Poor eating habits are a ghost that will shadow you throughout your entire life.
Though you may be able to get away with eating junk food all the time when you’re younger, as you age you will have less energy and less tolerance for garbage in your system. And your wallet will feel it too.
Redditor t29102nx found herself caught in a situation like this with her fiancé, whose eating habits are so poor that it was appalling to her.
After calling him out and experiencing his negative reaction, she was unsure if she did something wrong.
To get objective feedback from strangers, she went to the popular subReddit “Am I The A**hole?” or “AITA” and asked the Reddit general public:
“AITA for telling him he either stops eating so much or gets a job?”
Our original poster, or OP, has been struggling with her fiancé for some time.
“29f[emale]. My fiance is currently unemployed. He received some devastating family news and needed to take time off. He has been out of work for close to 3 months.”
“I try not to be spiteful of it because this is following the passing of his brother and you truly cant put a time frame on grief. I’ve been as supportive as possible but I’m getting stretched very thin here.”
“Usually in my household (family of 5- my 3 kids are not his) I spend roughly $400 max on food and it lasts a month, maybe even a little bit more. I buy in bulk as often as possible.”
“However, due to unfortunate budget cuts at my work, my $400 limit was basically stripped in half. Thank f**king God for the monthly child tax credit going into effect because if it weren’t for that, we basically wouldn’t have food.”
“But regardless, I’ve been going very, very cheap because I have no other option (the food banks have been closed for months and I don’t quality for assistance).”
And his eating habits have shown his depression.
“Anyways, lately my fiance has been eating enough to feed 3 people. Not only are his portions very large but he also has 2nds and a lot of the times 3rds of whatever it is we are eating.”
“Not in one sitting, but throughout the night until he decides to go to bed. Those could have been used as leftovers for the following nights meals but he usually has polished it off come morning.”
“He has gained a lot of weight because of this and to put it as nicely as possible, my bra would probably fit him better than it fits me.”
“I HAVE brought up his food intake as kindly as I possible can a few times but he gets super upset and I truly dont blame him. Commenting on someone’s food intake is a touchy subject after all, no matter how you put it.”
But then he crossed a line when he lied to OP’s son.
“However, last night really struck a nerve with me. I made a meal, which happened to be my sons favorite.”
“My son had his fill but he wanted to over indulge, as he always does when said meal is cooked. He wasn’t hungry, I know this but it doesn’t change anything imo.”
“My son asked for 2nds and my fiance said no, that there ‘wasn’t enough.’ There was still easily 2 helpings left. I didn;t realize because my fiance put it in the fridge.”
“45 minutes after the kids went to bed he went and grabbed another dish of it and I immediately saw red. You tell my son there isn’t enough so you can eat all of it? Hard no.”
“I was calm but told him that if he wants to continue eating enough for 3 people then he needs to get a job OR he needs to stop eating like we can afford it.”
“He got angry, dumped the food in the trash and stormed out; later saying that I was an AH for treating him like a ‘fat f**k’.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors agreed OP’s fiancé was majorly selfish.
“Yes! OP, please tell me this guy is no longer your fiancé. Grief is hard but it’s an explanation, not an excuse.”
“People can grieve in all sorts of ways and you have to accept that but you know what’s not acceptable? When he takes it out on you and your children.”
“The fact that he, not only decided he can eat the food that should rightfully be saved for your children, but then SPITEFULLY THREW IT OUT makes him an unbelievable AH and not deserving of your sympathy or understanding.”
“You don’t deserve to have to put up with this and neither do your kids. Don’t buy any of his BS about ‘But I’m sad!’ or ‘You’re telling me I’m fat!’. His size has nothing to do with it.”
“His attitude is waaaay more unattractive than any weight he’s put on. Dump him yesterday and save yourself another mouth (that’s the size of three mouths) to feed. Please give an update. NTA”-Heart_and_Vine
“NTA His selfish behaviour has gone on long enough and when you finally step up, OP, he makes it so NOBODY can eat the food? That is worse than selfish.”
“If you, pardon the pub, boil this down to it’s key elements, OP, this is abuse. He is depriving you and your children of food, and putting a strain on your already strained finances, and he doesn’t even care.”
“You’re talking about food banks. This man is grown up enough to understand the concept that less pay = less food, means it needs to last more and stretch.”
“He’s taking that away from you. He should be just as worried as you are about this, but he’s not.”-AcrossTheMilkySeas
“NTA – because it was not about his weight – it is about denying your kid food for selfish reasons.”
“Honestly if he doesn’t start to contribute to the household income I would ask myself why are you with this person? What is he giving you?????”-HonestCranberry8485
“NTA. F**k that guy tbh, who tf takes food from a child because of their own selfishness.”
“Your son may not have actually been hungry but I doubt your fiance is either and its your sons favourite. He should have been able to over indulge.”-AmetrinePoison
After all, OP’s issue wasn’t with her fiancé’s weight, but his treatment of her child.
“NTA You did good. He thinks he’s more important than your child and the entitlement will go even higher if you marry.”
“Good for you for standing up for your kid. He literally took food from his mouth. Good for you for upsetting him for it because he SHOULDN’T be content after that. He literally PLANNED the lie.”-UglyDuffelBag
“I was prepared to say N A H until I read that last paragraph. NTA, OP. Your fiance is going through a huge loss, but his coping mechanisms aren’t healthy.”
“It seems to me like he’s developed a food addiction to deal with everything and unfortunately it has gotten to the point where he is actively lying and stealing food from your babies.”
“And when you confront him on it, he spitefully and deliberately throws the food in the trash because if he can’t eat it then nobody can?”
“Is he in any sort of therapy? If not, he needs it.”-Talisa87
“NTA a thousand times. My father grew up very, very poor, in Appalachia, during the Great Depression.”
“My grandparents still had five kids under 18 at home when the Depression hit; they were already poor, and that made it so much worse.”
“Dad says he clearly remembers many times when his parents wouldn’t eat, saying that they ‘weren’t hungry,’ so that there would be more food for him and his siblings.”
“Contrast your fiance’s behavior here with my grandparents’, 80-90 years ago, and I’m sure you’ll understand why I think that ‘fiance’ must never become ‘husband’ but should instead become ‘ex-BF’ with all due haste.”-PingPongProfessor
“Honestly, no, nta. This isn’t just about his weight. This is about both your finances, and the manner in which he is treating you and your son (particularly your son).”
“You need to make it clear that you cannot continue to support the family with the current level of food consumption, and that if it continues you will have to cut the level of consumption down forcefully.”
“Perhaps you could do some research on any charities that might have some grief counseling, as it seems likely that his consumption is linked to his grief, and that he needs to learn some healthy coping mechanisms not linked to food. And that’s whether or not he gets a job.”-Sfb208
The bigger question is, will OP’s fiancé be able to snap out of it and see how he is impacting others?
“NTA but it sounds like your fiance may have depression. I would encourage you to talk to him about getting help.”
“It is entirely inappropriate for your fiance to be making food-related decisions for YOUR children. He is not their father and you are not married.”
“I don’t know what situation you guys have worked out in the past but he is overstepping in that area. Gently put him back in his place.”
“Your kids, you paid for the meal, you decide if your son gets a 2nd helping. I don’t always advocate for a breakup but this man sounds toxic. This is a huge red flag. I would get out while it’s still relatively easy to do so.”
“But I also suggest that you advocate for him to see a mental health professional.”-umuziki
“NTA. Like you said, you can’t put a deadline on grief. However that doesn’t give him the right to not contribute, much less to literally be taking food out of your children’s mouths.”
“You need to have a serious talk with him, but not in the moment. I have chronic depression so I know there’s a chance he sees what he’s doing and is beating himself up internally, hence his overreaction.”
“Maybe just let him know you’re there for him, but he is starting to cause you and your kids undue stress and hardship. If he refuses to listen to reason then you need to ask yourself how much is too much of this.”-GatoMcwitch
“NTA. It’s ultimatum time…either he gets counseling or hits the road. There are probably resources available for him to receive free or low-cost grief counseling to help him get over his loss.”
“If you have to police what he eats, do so. He’s acting like a child, so treat him like one.”-1800TurdFerguson
“NTA. He’s grieving, yes, and that’s horrible and you should absolutely support him through it how you can.”
“But he needs to acknowledge your financial limitations and the fact that there are other people in the house too who also need to eat.”
“He isn’t a bachelor living by himself, and having enough food for everyone is paramount, especially the kids.”
“He gets absolutely no sympathy for depriving your son of food only so he could have it himself. That’s setting a horrible example, and dumping it in the trash instead of putting it back in the fridge was even worse.”
“You’re not treating him like anything; your objection to his eating doesn’t seem to be anything to do with his weight, and everything to do with him not leaving sufficient food for the rest of you.”
“This is a consideration issue, not a weight issue, and him turning it into one when it’s not is doing an incredibly disservice to people who do face genuine prejudice and discrimination for their weight.”-SSTrihan
While it is a difficult situation, Reddit agrees OP’s fiancé is reacting poorly and acting like a child at this difficult juncture for everybody.
Hopefully OP is able to manage her resources more effectively, and OP’s fiancé has an awakening moment.