Speaking up about harassment can be difficult. Aside from getting the courage to actually file complaints, there’s dealing with the repercussions from calling out that harassment.
Redditor Anonymous33- tried to call out her own harasser. However, there were consequences the original poster (OP) didn’t anticipate.
OP isn’t sure if she was wrong to turn her classmate in, and decided to ask the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit about the situation.
She’s worried about what this means for her classmate.
“AITA for potentially ruining my classmate’s career.”
But does she really need to be worried?
“I (20f) am a college student. In my country a lot of students hunt for internship cuz it helps in getting a better pay package during placements.”
“I’ve been casually talking with this guy ‘R’ who’s also my classmate. He was all friendly at the beginning but started flirting recently. I never once flirted with him and always just ignored his moves but last week he asked me out and I said no.”
“In fact, I apologized to him to have him think that somewhere in our conversation I might have led him on. He ghosted me and I didn’t think much of it.”
“But 2 days later, he texted me again, asking me out. I told him that I already said no to which he replied he gave me time to think over and that I should be grateful for it. Ngl, I got pissed and told him to F off.”
“And he got pissed and called me all the names under the moon and just slut shamed me for it.”
“I blocked him but he made his friends to cuss me out too. I got super frustrated and called him out on my story along with attaching the ss of our chats.”
“Around 300 ppl saw and one among them is placement mentor (4th year student). I didn’t think much of it cuz after the story as I blocked them all and went ahead with my day.”
“The placement head saw this kind of behavior unacceptable and appalling. So he reported this to our department head. apparently in my college, this kind of behavior is labeled as harassment and punishment can lead to suspension.”
“The department head (DH) and placement mentor called me to DH’s office to get my statement and I did. I showed them everything. Well he got suspended for 3 months for his behavior.”
“He was about to get a very good internship in a Govt company but since he got suspended that internship is also gone.”
“Our professor P loves him and he called me to his office to go and make another statement to DH that I forgive him and there’s also wrong in my part. Our DH, called me, R , his parents and our two professors (P and Q).”
“DH asked me if I’m willing to forgive him(this will get him off the suspension). Somewhere inside of me wanted to see him suffer so I told him no.”
“I was harassed and I want him punished.”
“His mother berated me in front of everyone saying that I’m the one who led her son and I’m doing this purposefully cuz he’s my competitor. And her son is the victim here.”
“DH didn’t listen to her and gave R his rightful punishment well at least according to me.”
“Well now, Our internship started and few of my friends said I took it too far. He just called me names while texting and I got him suspended for that.”
“Some of my other classmates called me a bully and AH for ruining his bright future and Professor P called me outside the class today and told me that he’s extremely disappointed in me and it’s becuz of girls like me, potential careers of men are ruined.”
“This actually made me cry and I’m rethinking whether what did was actually extreme. So, Reddit, AITA”
OP didn’t even go out of her way to hurt her classmate, but he’s lost out on possibly a great opportunity. Was she wrong?
To figure out if she was a jerk, the AITA commenters include one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
OP is not the reason her classmate lost out on his internship. His own actions and how he treated OP are the reason he lost out.
OP shouldn’t feel guilty, no matter what her friends think.
“You didn’t ruin his bright future, he did that all by himself.”
“Harassment is a serious offense. He should have known better.”
“If you’d have let him off the hook, he would have suffered no consequences and learned nothing.”
“If he’s lucky, he will learn from this and get his head on straight.”
“NTA” – cat-lover76
“NTA. Abusers rely on the silence of their victims. If he didn’t want to get kicked out for harassing other students, he shouldn’t have harassed other students.” – Ribbon-
“NTA. He destroyed his life. You didn’t. You were just victim.”
“You owe him nothing. You did nothing wrong. There is nothing a woman can do to ‘lead someone on’ that justifies being harassed.”
“Even if you had flirted with him (but you didn’t), and then you said no and he did this to you, he would still be 1000% in the wrong.”
“You also probably weren’t the first woman he harassed and likely won’t be the last. You were just the first to stand up.”
“Forgiving him and allowing him to get away with it would just accept his behavior and likely make him more aggressive toward women since he would feel like he could get away with it. It doesn’t sound like he even tried to apologize, so them asking for you to forgive him is ridiculous.”
“He likely has no remorse.” – Affectionate-Show331
“NTA I am so sick of this ‘What about his future?’ bs. Maybe he shouldn’t shame and harass women for not going out with him.”
“Sounds like you have prevented yet another male chauvinist who would have only used his power over women working in a government job. What he did was in fact harassment and wrong.”
“Who knows how far it would have gone had you not put him on blast. Good for you for sticking up yourself and not letting others pressure you into doing what they think you should do. He got what he deserved.” – theshadowppl9
Other commenters were wondering what could be done about the professor, though OP didn’t have much in the way of good news there.
But she’s at least thinking about the possibility.
“NTA. Well done to your mentor and DH for stamping out this behaviour. You should raise a complaint about Professor P, whose behaviour is appalling.”
“It wasn’t you that affected R’s career, it was R with his harassing behaviour. But I can see you might not want to make this last any longer than it already has.” – Ok_Smell_8260
“I do want to complain about this professor but I’m honestly very scared now. I’m doing my internship and I’m scared he might try to do something.”
“He’s one among the major professors in our department and his subject is mandatory. Unfortunately I don’t have much friends to support me too.” – Anonymous33- (OP)
“Talk to your DH who has already shown they can be trusted to do the right thing.” – Ok_Smell_8260
“Even if I did, it would be my word against professor P’s . He’s extremely respected among other professors and a lot of students love him.”
“And he has an upper hand in ruining my career.” – Anonymous33- (OP)
OP can rest assured that random strangers online agree with her, but it may not be comfort enough when her friends think she was wrong. But what can be done?
She might be able to explain what some of these comments go over and get her friends on her side.