Running a household while working is difficult, and in multiple-adult households it’s important to divide and conquer in order to be successful. But what do you do when one persons idea of division of labor is wildly different from the other?
Reddit user “ozororo” found herself butting heads with her husband, particularly after he gifted her something to hint that she should do more.
She asked the AITA (“Am I The A**hole?”) subReddit for their thoughts on how she handled it.
“AITA for wanting to return a cookbook that my husband got me and refusing to cook?”
Before we get into the details of this gifting goof-up, let’s talk about how AITA works.
The subReddit is devoted to sorting out those “morally ambiguous” moments in life where you’re not sure if you’re being the bad guy or not.
Users share their stories as posts. Then other users reply to the original poster (“OP”) in the comments, casting a vote while they’re at it.
Voting options are:
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
So let’s get back to the details of her story.
“When my husband and I first got married, I did most of the cooking. I was also working less hours.”
“Then we had kids and I was a stay-at-home mom, so it just made sense. However, once our kids reached elementary age, I re-entered the workforce.”
“This time, my workload doubled. I tried at first to cook every night, prep in advance, etc. but at the end of the day, I was exhausted.”
“I shared this with my husband and he agreed to help with the cooking and we began to split it.”
“As our kids got older and my workload increased, my husband’s decreased. His field has taken a nose dive and he works a lot less hours than he used to. We’ve been fine financially because of my workload.”
“We eventually agreed that he would do all of the cooking to offset me doing all the cleaning and a majority of the stuff with the kids.”
“It’s not that I never cook, I will on nights my husband has to work late or if he’s not feeling well. But most of the time, he is cooking.”
“For Christmas, my husband and I don’t typically do presents. We save the money to either vacation (in non-COVID times) or to do repairs that we need around the house. This year was no different.”
“I did end up getting him a toolbox because he desperately needed a new one.”
“He got me something too and I wasn’t expecting anything big…but he got me a cookbook.”
” ‘The Happy in a Hurry Cookbook: 100-Plus Fast and Easy New Recipes That Taste Like Home.’ “
“I don’t cook anymore. It felt a little pointed.”
“I pretended to love it as he went on and on about how it’s been advertised on the news and is great.”
“It’s been nearly a month since Christmas and the cookbook has gone unused by me. I got a notification that my favorite author just put out a new book.”
“I asked my husband for the receipt so I could exchange the cookbook. He was hurt.”
“I asked him why he’d get this for me when I don’t cook.”
“He said he hoped it would ‘inspire’ me.”
“I asked if he was going to then pick up the slack elsewhere and he said no.”
“I said, so basically, we go back to me doing everything when I work more?”
“He stammered over his words.”
“I told him that he could keep the cookbook but that I wasn’t going to add anything to my to do list.”
“The next day, the book and a receipt was on my nightstand. We haven’t spoken since.”
“Am I being an a**?”
Reddit was absolutely clear about this vote—as far as they’re concerned, OP is absolutely NTA here.