When love goes wrong it can be dangerous.
And that danger can be a present for years to follow.
If that is the case, one has to do all they can to protect themselves.
Even if it lands you in chaotic circumstances.
Case in point…
Redditor actuatoad to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling his fiancee and parents that he’s stalking me?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I am a 27 year old woman and I briefly dated a guy in college.”
“He got really clingy and wouldn’t let me break up with him, and I ended up moving apartments.”
“So yearrrs later a few times a year I get social media requests from extra accounts he’s made after I blocked him.”
“I figured it was him but some sleuthing confirmed it.”
“I just kept not approving those new follow requests and deleting anyone off my social media if I wasn’t sure who they were.”
I” also found out he got access to my work calendar for a little while by making a fake ‘client’ account.”
“Actual clients of mine can see my availability to book meetings but he was just trying to see when I was working I think.”
“But I recently moved back to my old town and I joined a hiking group and then… Guess who ‘happened’ to be into hiking?”
“I damn near s**t a brick when I saw him and I just left.”
“I took a picture before I went and I went home to figure out what to do.”
“I didn’t want this guy in my business anymore, he was honestly scaring me, but cops don’t really do s**t until an actual crime has happened.”
“And making 15 fake Instagrams and showing up at one hiking group didn’t seem like something they’d take seriously.”
“So I filed a report anyway but didn’t expect it to go anywhere.”
“Then I also unblocked him long enough to find his mom’s and dad’s Facebook account.”
“And when I did, i also realized he was engaged to a woman.”
“I was pissed off first that he was being so creepy.”
“Then that he was doing that when engaged secretly.”
“So I took my screenshots of 15 Instagram accounts, fake client account, etc… he made and evidence of them being linked to his phone number and sent them to his family and fiancé along with the picture from hiking.”
“And I said that I dated this man in college six years ago and multiple times a year he tries to circumvent the fact that I have him blocked on social media by making fake accounts to friend me.”
“And he showed up where I was at.”
“And I filed a police report and if any of them care about him at all they better talk some sense into him and tell him he best leave me alone.”
“Because if he kept coming around or trying to con me into giving him access to my life or location info on social media l would be pursuing it legally.”
“His parents didn’t answer at first but his fiancé flipped out at me calling me a liar.”
“Then his parents chimed in in the group chat saying that they would have a talk with their son.”
“But the way I brought this to their attention with a Facebook messenger group was insensitive.”
“I got frustrated and said that being stalked was insensitive and I would appreciate it if they took this up with their son instead of me.”
“And I was trying to give them the chance to hear it from me, when he still has a chance to cut it out, not from a collect call from jail.”
“The three of them blocked me but I haven’t heard a thing from my ex.”
“I don’t know if his family or girl believes me but I’m hoping that the fact that they probably asked him about it scared him straight.”
“AITA for having put a stop to stalking like this?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. You’re already being very nice about it considering what a creep he is.”
“If she still wants to marry him, it’s really on her. Who knows?”
“Maybe she dumps his a**, and he switches target. Which is also pretty horrifying.” ~ residentcaprice
“Let’s just think a moment.”
“Maybe you are the fiancé’s age or the parents’ ages… put yourself in their shoes.”
“Go through your day today, la la di da. Sit down and check your social media.”
“And wtf is this, some girl you don’t know sent you a bunch of screen shots and accused your fiancé/son of stalking her for 6 years.”
“And she’s filed a police report and WE better do something before he winds up in jail calling collect to bail him out?”
“Is she f**king serious?”
“OP is NTA.”
“But at this point, she’s made her point.”
“She’s filed a police report so she has her paper trail.”
“She’s notified his family and fiancé.”
“Back the f**k off, or she’s going to look like the psycho stalker.”
“This just got dropped on these people out of no where.”
“Or this is a recurring issue and they already know about it and they are going to try to sweep it under the rug.”
“Either way. OP now has her police report.”
“She has proof she notified the family.”
“If this dude continues, fuck the parents and the fiancé, call the police.”
“File another report.”
“Make a list of every time he’s tried to contact you and push for a restraining order.”
“Go the legal route.”
“You gave them a chance, OP.”
“Either they can control him or they can’t, but that’ll be their problem.”
“You worry about yours.” ~ CaRiSsA504
“NTA – while they probably can’t force him to stop stalking you.”
“There’s a 100% chance they can’t even influence him if they don’t know there’s a problem.”
“They are likely embarrassed and reacted poorly by calling you insensitive.”
“You had every right to lose any sensitivity the first time you had to move to try to get him out of your life.” ~ lizzybell2019
“The parents reacted poorly to the “group chat” because it included his fiancé.”
“They likely know that their son is a creep and we’re hoping to keep the new fiancé from finding out.”
“They wanted OP to privately message them so that they could keep the fiancé in the dark.” ~ Wild_Statement_3142
“Agreeing with this.”
“Also what was OP supposed to do; find out where they live and knock on their door.”
“Who knows if creepy stalker lives there.”
“Why would op put herself in that kind of position.”
“She handled this in the right way.”
“Possibly creepy stalker has shown this behavior in the past and parents are aware of his problems.” ~ DarthRaydor1952
OP came back with more info…
“I got the impression they were mad I included her too.”
“I think a lot of what they found inappropriate about my messages was the fact that I dropped all these accusations on his girl shortly before their wedding.”
“I don’t know what’s going on but I hope she at least has an escape plan just in case.”
“I think it might be because I just dropped a data dump of files and screenshots and internet traffic logs, and didn’t try to start the dialogue more kindly.”
“Just dumping a lot of evidence and saying ‘your child/fiancé is a stalker.'”
“Which I can see as an insensitive way to tell a bride to be that her man isn’t being loyal or… normal.”
“NTA. Love the dismissal of the parents saying YOU are being insensitive (how the heck is using messenger insensitive??).”
“It is insensitive of THEM to be dismissing this and with proof of years of harassment and stalking.”
“Frankly I don’t expect anything to change, but at least you have lots of documentation.” ~ Cyberdyne-800
“You are soooo NTA! I’m sorry you’re going through this.”
“OP, since he probably knows that you’ve reached out to his family, I’m sorry to say that this is a potentially dangerous time.”
“He might escalate and try to see you, cause problems at your work, etc.”
“So I highly suggest contacting a local domestic violence org to get their suggestions and support.”
“They (unfortunately) deal with this alllll the time.”
“So they can provide you with ways to protect yourself and might have legal support on staff so you can get a protective order, and other things to do.”
“Wishing you lots of luck and safety and that this asshat disappears from your life (and also doesn’t do the same to his fiancé when she breaks up with him).” ~ alwayswonderingwtf
“NTA. I had 2 different stalkers. NEVER EVER EVER feel bad about protecting yourself from those types of people.”
“That is some bullsh** misogynist training that society has done to us.”
“Your safety and security and sanity matters.”
“Hopefully the fiancé will wisen up soon.” ~ graygoosegg
Well OP, you are in quite the predicament.
And Reddit is here for you.
You have to put safety first, at any cost.
Sounds like you did just that.
Good luck to you.