While cooking for friends and family is often an incredibly gratifying experience, it can also be a very challenging one.
Simply cooking what you want to cook and what you want to eat isn’t always an option.
Simply owing to the fact that there’s no guarantee all of your guests will enjoy the same things you do.
Or if they are even able to eat them.
Redditor Peanutbuttwrthrawunf loved sharing homemade treats with their family during the holiday season.
This year, however, the original poster (OP)’s daughter-in-law (DIL) asked them not to make one of their specialités.
A request the OP flatly refused to oblige.
Concerned they were possibly being obstinate, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not making my cookie table allergen free?”
The OP explained why they were uninterested in obliging their DIL’s holiday cooking request:
“I am hosting the family for Christmas Eve and I have always done a cookie table instead of a dessert.”
“Overall I love to bake and there are usually around 15 different types of cookies.”
“My son recently got married and I have a two step grandkids now.”
“They are 8 and 10.”
“They are allergic to peanuts, if it gets on their skin they fine but if they eat it they get a bad rash and swell up.”
“They don’t really listen to anyone and it has caused issue before.”
“My plan for this year was to keep the cookies with peanut butter on one table and the other cookies on another.”
“Everything was going to be labeled also.”
“I wasn’t going to cook them at the same time either to avoid cross-contamination.”
“I told my son the plan and he didn’t have an issue with it, he said he would talk to the kids.”
“My DIL called me up and wasn’t happy with the plan.”
“She told me I can’t have anything with peanut butter at the event.”
“I told her no because a lot of people like these cookies.”
“I already made a few batches.”
“He continued to argue, and I told her to just watch the kids, and at 8/10 they should know well enough not to eat what they are allergic to.”
“She called me a d*ck over it and that I will be tempting them since they are cookies.”
“My son contacted me after saying I should have more tact, even if he agreed it should be fine.”
“He said the kids already know not to eat their allergen, and they don’t have issues at school with this.”
“The school allows nuts.”
“The kids don’t have an airborn reactions to nuts.”
“Their face gets red, and their face is puffy.”
“They have never had their throat close ( she told me this when I first met them and asked about it).”
“Everything will be labeled.”
“Cross-contamination shouldn’t be a problem at all.”
“I am cleaning between cookies and their allergy isn’t strong enough to be affected by that in the first place ( mom has never been worried about cross-contamination anywhere, we have gone to many restaurants that serve peanuts and she never mentions it).”
“Didn’t even come up as a reason, she claimed I would be temping them.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community generally agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to make all their cookies allergen-free.
Just about everyone agreed that the OP was taking their grandchildren’s allergy into account and making every effort to protect them, with others pointing out that not only was the grandchild old enough to be cognizant of what they could and couldn’t eat, but it was ultimately the job of the OP’s DIL to keep them safe:
“NTA.”
“Separate tables for the cookies is fine.”
“The kids are old enough to know not to eat the cookies with peanut butter.”
“Just went to a party and that’s what they did.”
“The ones with nuts were labeled.”
“Guess what, no reactions, and the kids were younger than your grandkids.”
“They’re separate and labeled.”
“It’s not your fault the kids don’t listen or care.”
“It’s not OP’s problem if DIL can’t keep her kids from eating stuff they aren’t supposed to.”
“They are old enough to know better.”
“They aren’t toddlers.”
“OP made legitimate measures/offers to keep the cookies separate.”
“Her son originally agreed they would work.”- WebAcceptable7932
“NTA.”
“I think your plan and your expectations are pretty reasonable.”
“If your DIL feels uncomfortable bringing her kids as a result of this, she doesn’t have to come.”
“But expecting every party she ever goes to to be peanut-free is not reasonable in my eyes.”
“It sounds like she wants the world to be ‘free of temptation’ which is silly.”
“The kids obviously need to be taught to avoid foods with their allergens, and I agree with you that, especially with supervision, they are probably old enough to partake in this gathering safely.”
“They will have to avoid / turn down some of the treats at the party, that’s it.”
“I think the separation of the cookies and the labeling are adequate measures for you to take, as the host of this event.”
“You could take it one step further and have the cookies with nuts be in containers (paper boxes or tins) so that they are somewhat out of view and so someone has to be more intentional to take one, just to make it really obvious that if the kids eat them it won’t have been due to confusion, negligence (on your part), etc. but only through their own actions.”- owls_and_cardinals
“NTA.”
“I dunno wtf is up with the commenters saying that you are in fact tempting children with their allergen.”
“At 8 years old, I knew what I was and wasn’t allergic to.”
“I simply didn’t eat the stuff I wasn’t meant to.”
“If the kids eat cookies they know are basically poisonous to them, they’re no different from kids that eat paste tbh XD.”
“Survival of the fittest, if a simple cookie you know would make you sick is tempting enough to risk eating.”
“Also fr, bad mom for not, you know, mothering her kids?”- Honeybee4796
“Someone with an allergy.”
“NTA.”
“They will be fine, you have it on a separate table.”
“They should know not to eat from that table, or they will blow up like a balloon.”
“They aren’t eating their allergen at school ( yes, school will have peanut butter cookies).”
“They know peanut butter hurts them.”
“They will be okay, if it were a toddler, that’s a different story, but this is 8 and 10.”
“They are good.”- SoccerProblem3547
“NTA.”
“You don’t get to demand NO ONE gets to eat your kids’ allergen.”
“If they can’t control themselves at age 8 and 10, the parents have failed.”- MarionberryPlus8474
“I have a cousin who’s allergic to eggs, nuts, and a few other things.”
“From the time he could talk, he would politely ask, ‘Can I eat this because I’m allergic’ to literally anything handed to him.”
“This is a parenting issue.”
“NTA.”- sadburntcroissant
“NTA if the allergy isn’t airborne-based.”
“If she isn’t teaching them to avoid their allergen at their ages, they have bigger problems than your cookies.”
“You could be accommodating and not make those cookies but I understand your thinking if they’re a favorite and it doesn’t make you an a**hole.”- Practical-Yellow3197
“NTA.”
“I have anaphylactic nut allergies, and my own home has never ever been nut free… kids with allergies need to learn what they can and can’t eat and how to ask about unknown foods bc the world is not a nut-free place.”- thebethstever
There were a few, however, who were shocked that the OP wasn’t more concerned about the health and safety of their grandchildren, and felt their DIL was justified in not wanting any peanuts served:
“Yes YTA.”
“They are your grand children, and your DIL was not comfortable with it, cases closed.”
“Why would you risk it?”
“People can touch those cookies and then touch other things.”
“As a parent of a child with a severe peanut allergy, we have had trips to the hospital for touch contamination.”
“I don’t understand why you can’t be inclusive and substitute with Sunbutter.”
“Now there will be an unnecessary level of anxiety for their mother.”- HumorFlimsy5841
“YTA.”
“There are literally hundreds of cookie recipes that do not include peanuts.”
“These are brand new family members and a gracious move would be to skip the peanut cookies this year.”
“You sound like you are more interested in being right than in welcoming these kids to your family.”-queen_surly
It would be one thing if the OP were refusing to serve their grandchildren allergen-free food, or even refusing to keep it on a different table.
However, the OP is clearly being cognizant of their allergy and ensuring they can safely enjoy plenty of offerings.
If their grandchildren willfully ignore these labels and warnings, that is on the OP’s son and DIL…