My cooking style is generally of the “season as preferred” variety. This means salt, pepper and maybe some spice blends are available when food is served.
Part of the reason is my families love of and my aversion of spicy foods. While I love sour and salty.
As the primary cook, rather than season everything to my taste, I usually try to achieve the general flavor the food calls for then let people alter it to their liking.
However some cultures discourage customization. The dish must be eaten as served and judged on its condition after the cook finishes.
My food would definitely be too sour, too salty and devoid of spice if I had to cook like that.
A teenager who is part of a eat it as I cooked it culture turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Ccountingstarss asked:
“AITA For adding salt to my meal at a gathering?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (female) am in my late teens, and went to a dinner gathering with my family, and a couple of other families. I am anemic, and have had some fainting spells in the last few weeks, and my doctor is slightly concerned about my low blood pressure readings.”
“So instead of putting me on meds, she’s advised me to add some things in my day to day lifestyle to try and naturally increase my blood pressure, including drinking plenty of water and increasing my salt intake.”
“This means whenever I can (and remember), I try to add a pinch of salt to my food/drink, and eat foods rich in iron, etc… At this dinner, I dished my food, and went to sit next to my mother and family friends in the living room (there were around 20 people in and out the house in the backyard so people were sat everywhere).”
“I took the first bite, and remembered to add some salt as I had been lacking that day. I checked the table where the food was being served and didn’t see any salt/pepper, only condiments like ketchup, bbq sauce, etc…”
“So I asked the wife/mother where the salt was and she looked a bit taken aback, and went to the kitchen to get some. Before she handed me the salt, she asked if the food wasn’t well salted.”
“I didn’t want to explain the blood pressure ordeal so I just said ‘No it tastes amazing, I especially love …., but lately I’ve preferred more salt than usual, my mom always pokes fun at me’. FYI my mom doesn’t make fun of me, I just tried to joke around and make it lighthearted cuz I didn’t wanna offend her.”
“She just smiled lightly and said ‘Oh, okay’. Hours later in the car, my father was upset with me cuz apparently the lady told the other older women there, who then told their husbands, where my dad overheard, who told my mom.”
“He heard that I ‘demanded’ more salt cuz the food was too ‘plain’ which I did NOT say. Even after I clarified what I said, he was still mad at me for disrespecting the hosts of the dinner and said I should’ve just eaten the food, and that I’ve embarrassed him.”
“My father was the one who initially told me not to tell anyone about my fainting spells, as he didn’t want to attract any unnecessary attention to the family. That’s why I wanted to avoid mentioning my doctor because that may spike curiosity.”
“I thought I was doing the right thing by making up what I thought was a harmless excuse.”
“My mom was quiet the whole time because she doesn’t like arguing with my father as he’s very stubborn and can get verbally aggressive quickly. I really don’t think I’ve done anything wrong, but maybe I’m not seeing it from an ‘adult’ perspective?”
“I was taught when it comes to health, to do what you need to do to care for yourself without inconveniencing or harming others. Already twice I have fainted in large spaces and had to have an ambulance called.”
“I knew that missing another day without actively making sure I’ve followed my doctors order already significantly increased the likelihood of a 3rd ambulance call. So I asked for salt.”
“So, AITA?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I might be in the wrong because I come from an African background and know that we take our food SERIOUSLY, and maybe should’ve read the room when the host who cooked asked why I wanted more salt.”
“I didn’t HAVE to add salt, but somewhat inconvenienced her by making her go get it from the kitchen.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The majority of Redditors decided everyone sucked (ESH).
“How simple would it be to just be honest? ‘My doctor has asked me to add extra salt for a while’. Done.”
“Then she wouldn’t have been insulted and the entire thing would have been avoided.”
“ESH, you for lying for no reason and the hostess for overreacting and misrepresenting you. But it started with you.” ~ Miserable_Dentist_70
“Does your family really have nothing better to gossip about?” ~ smbpy7
“Yeah, dishonesty started this problem.”
“Should she have grilled you about the salt? Eh, maybe, maybe not. Did she change up the recipe? Did she eyeball the salt and not feel confident in it? Who knows.”
“But it’s actually very simple to say, my doctor wants me to add salt to increase my blood pressure. ESH for lying and your father overreacting, but obviously the salt isn’t the problem, you just didn’t handle the questions appropriately.” ~ g4frfl
“Soft YTA, not for asking for Salt, but for lying about why. I completely get that you don’t want to go into the details with, essentially a stranger. But just saying ‘dr recommended I increase my salt intake’ would have shut any sh*t down. You didn’t need to lie about it and include your mother in your lie.” ~ AeloraTargaryen
“ESH, but bring your own salt just like you would medication.” ~ LovesDeanWinchester
“ESH. The host should not have interrogated you when you asked for salt, but you didn’t need to lie either.”
“People have vastly different preferences for saltiness. I have one friend who complains that I oversalt the food I cook. I have another who asks for the salt shaker before he takes a bite.”
“I don’t get offended, but many cooks view requests for seasoning as criticism of how the food was seasoned.”
“The easy solution would be for you to carry a ziplock bag of salt with you. You wouldn’t have to discuss your medical conditions and the people who cook for you won’t feel offended.” ~ maccrogenoff
“ESH. Do I think they overreacted? Yes.”
“But would this have happened if you hadn’t lied? Probably not.”
“It would have taken half the time to say ‘my doctor told me to add more salt to my diet’ as it did to say ‘lately I’ve preferred more salt than usual, my mom always pokes fun at me’.” ~ im-gwen-stacy
“It’s often considered rude to ask the cook/chef for salt, especially after tasting one bite, because you’re essentially saying ‘you didn’t season this properly’.”
“That said, your answer was an overcomplicated lie, and makes it clear her food was the problem.”
“She was overly sensitive, blew it out of proportion, and created drama for attention by being a lying, catty gossip. Your dad has some weird ego/pride issues. Your lying skills are pathetic, maybe try telling the truth.” ~ TuckerCarlsonsOhface
“Here’s the thing—are you required to share your medical info? No. But we operate on assumptions all day—we have to as human beings in the world.”
“One of them is that people don’t have a *need* to add salt to their food. So the assumption will rarely be anything other than ‘this food I offered wasn’t good enough’ unless people were raised with a ‘salt at the table’ cooking style.”
“So, you’re going to run into problems.”
“I get it. I am prone to orthostatic hypotension, know a lot of people with POTS, and the like. We put scary amounts of salt on our food sometimes. And, honestly, it’s easier to say ‘yup, I need the salt so I don’t pass out; food’s great without it, though, thanks!’.”
“You’ll have to navigate your way to your comfort level of response, and you’re ESH for creating this situation and the adults are overreacting. You’ll have to learn more productive ways of going about the world in situations like these.” ~ FishScrumptious
“ESH. Why would you lie? Just say, ‘Your food tastes great, but I have low blood pressure so I need a bit of extra salt-intake’.” ~ DigitalDonutNL
“Is this a cultural thing for you? I know in some Asian cultures, altering food is considered a huge sign of disrespect, but if that’s not the issue, then I don’t understand why asking for salt would be such a huge deal.”
“Also why did you feel the need to lie? You could have just kept it simple saying, ‘I have a medical thing and the doctor told me to add more salt to my food’. If she pushed, you could just say you’re not comfortable going into details as it’s a personal problem.”
“Your dad is a jerk for being mad at you for trying to stay healthy. I would have responded with, ‘You’re absolutely, right dad. Next time I’ll just allow myself to faint at the party. That would be way less embarrassing for you’. ESH.” ~ SuperPetty-2305
It does seem cultural norms and expectations play a part in this situation.
It seems like everyone could have handled things better.