It’s well known that some people think it’s tacky to propose at someone else’s wedding. However, things change if you get permission from the bride and groom, and it’s integrated into the reception.
This is exactly what happened with Redditor brotherweddingstunt. The original poster (OP)’s brother asked for permission to propose to his girlfriend at OP’s wedding. OP agreed and the whole thing went off swimmingly.
However, an aunt had some issues leading to a disagreement in the family. OP snapped and isn’t sure if he overreacted to the aunt’s concerns.
To figure out if he was wrong, OP asked the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit about his situation.
He asked the internet:
“AITA for calling my aunt bitter when my brother proposed at my wedding?”
What did the aunt do?
“My wife and I got married last week and like a few months before my brother talked to me. He asked if it would be ok if he proposed to his girlfriend at our wedding and he made sure I knew there wouldn’t be any hard feelings if we told him no.”
“And yeah I know to some people they might think that’s him trying to be cheap or ‘hijack’ our wedding (I’ve seen some posts like that).”
“But for us we didn’t see it that way and it was kind of exciting to be part of their story. We actually coordinated with everyone else who was gonna be there so he could work in his proposal.”
‘The plan was when it was time for my wife to toss the bouquet, his girlfriend is supposed to catch it and then he sneaks up behind her to propose with a ring. That’s why we told everyone else so nobody else would try to catch it (plus my wife tossing it in her direction).”
Everyone went along, it was a success. She caught it, my brother was able to surprise her and it worked out perfectly. Happy ending right?”
It sounds like a happy ending to me!
“Well that was until one of my aunt’s wouldn’t shut up about it during the reception. I don’t know what the big deal was. My brother asked us, my wife and I were more than happy to go along.”
“We were at my parents table eating. Like 2 hours after the proposal she was still complaining about how tactless and cheap it was for my brother to use his own brother’s wedding.”
“Normally everyone ignores her because she’s known to be super negative about everything. But man this time was so annoying.”
“And that’s why I said something like: ‘oh my god can you stop complaining for once? It happened already, move on and stop being so bitter for the rest of my wedding.’”
“She was more mad at the fact that I called her bitter because according to her she’s never bitter. But she’s allowed to have opinions and she doesn’t think it’s right that he didn’t pick a more appropriate time to do it himself.”
“It feels so stupid because both my wife and I wanted to do this. My mom does think it was pretty rude so that’s why I’m here asking.”
OP is torn since he gave his brother permission and was happy to be part of the proposal. But the aunt has a right to her opinion, doesn’t she?
Redditors judged whether OP was wrong to snap at his aunt by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
OP tried to do all this the right way, and even tried ignoring the aunt for a while. But two hours of whining about something that he gave his brother permission to do is a lot.
It’s understandable why he snapped, and his mom’s comment that he was rude ignores how the aunt was acting.
The board agreed and decided to vote OP was NTA.
“NTA”
“1. Your brother was forthcoming and politely asked first”
“2. Both you and bride liked the idea, supported it and helped him plan it.”
“3. Everyone seems happy about it but aunt who had no say on the wedding.”
“Congratulations on your recent wedding and congrats to brother and future SIL on their engagement!!” – TwoCents Psychologist
“NTA – you get to decide what is appropriate at your wedding. Your aunt sounds like the worst.” – grouchymonk1517
“What you said: NTA. However, I probably would have spoken directly to her as soon as she started spreading her negativity.”
“Like, ‘I know how you feel, but it’s our wedding and we planned it, so keep it to yourself.’ That way, it may not have escalated.” – Captains-Log-2021
“NTA- it wasn’t her wedding and it didn’t concern her kids (if she has any) so her opinion on the matter is meaningless. It only became a thing when she wouldn’t shut up about it.”
“If everyone directly involved was happy about it then who cares? Aunt was TA and your mom is being unreasonable.” – Senorita-Hot-Pants13
“Yeah, she could have asked the couple how they felt about someone proposing at their wedding and when they said they helped arrange it accepted that answer.”
“NTA although I can see why his mom said he was rude to his aunt. Ideally he could have just said he doesn’t want to talk about it and please stop.”
“But emotions run high at weddings, especially for the couple, so realistically that wasn’t possible. Especially when she complained multiple times it sounds like.”
“I’m curious why they were eating two hours after the bouquet toss, though. Usually the bouquet is thrown near the end. I’ve never seen it done before the cake was cut.” – A_EGeekMom
OP’s aunt needs to rethink why she had such an issue with the proposal. While in another circumstance it might have been tactless, OP was happy about it, and they ensured it was integrated with their bouquet toss.
If the aunt has nothing nice to say, she shouldn’t say anything at all.