Pakistani Woman Snaps At Aunt Who Keeps Pressuring Her To Marry Her Cousin

The role of women in global cultures have evolved over time.

In matriarchal cultures subjected to invasion and colonization, women's equality regressed. But some of those cultures are regaining their original values.

In patriarchal cultures, women's rights often required civil disobedience to make any advancements. But they've happened in many parts of the world.

However some cultures see a disconnect between elders and the younger generations.

A young woman dealing with older family members and their demands about marriage and tradition turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.

ItsAlooSamosa asked:

"AITA for yelling at my aunt after she kept pressuring me to marry her son?"

The original poster (OP) explained:

"I (24, female) am from Pakistan. Here, cousin marriages are common. These cultures are really outdated, and I hate when elders force them upon us. I'm glad my parents are different."

"My aunt keeps pressuring me to marry her son (25, male) since I was a teen. My aunt would start making jokes such as 'You'd make a good daughter-in-law' or 'You and (her son's name) would make a good couple,' etc..."

"I used to brush it off back then, ignore it and such, hoping it would stop, but they never did. Instead, it started being more common."

"She started doing it every time we met, and I've shut her down politely every time, saying I'm not interested and it won't ever happen."

"My mom knew how much it bothered me. She didn't want to disrespect her elders, so she kept quiet and only spoke about it in private when my aunt messaged her. My mom told me to keep quiet and ignore it because she won't let it happen"

"This was very uncomfortable."

"This whole thing gave my cousin some wrong ideas because he started messaging me in private saying things like, 'We're getting married in the future, so why aren't you talking to me now?' I'd just ghost him and ignore his messages."

"My aunt is delusional. My mom politely tried to put a stop to it, but she never listened. The 'our decision is final' means that my aunt and her entire family—as in her children and husband have decided that they want me and only me as their daughter-in-law."

"That was their decision, and it was final from their end, so it was up to my family to accept the offer. I have no idea why she's fixated on me."

"It's almost like an unhealthy obsession. I have no idea what she sees in me because I'm just an average girl."

"Just a few years ago. I lost my temper at a family gathering after my aunt said, 'You're all grown up now, when are you going to marry him? Our decision is final'. The strong feeling of ick and cringe just made me lash out."

"I yelled at my aunt, calling her stupid for not listening to me and not understanding what no means. I used mild swear words as well and it was a whole heated argument."

"To end the argument, my brother had to physically carry me out of the house, where I had a breakdown, and we all just left her house. My mom was hurt by this a lot, and I could feel the pain in her voice whenever we spoke about this."

"She said she just wishes I handled it differently."

"After this came a series of unwanted toxicity and drama. My aunt yelled at my mom, making her look like a terrible person for letting that happen, and cut off all ties. She influenced mom's oldest sister and brother to do the same."

"My cousin got married to someone else, and we found out about it through someone else. He got married and divorced just later that year, and somehow, my aunt managed to partially blame me and mom for that divorce even though we played no part in it."

"She blames us by saying, 'It's her fault, if she had accepted the marriage then none of this would have happened'."

"My mom deals with her siblings often, and sometimes they drag her into dramas. I've seen her cry in her room alone because of this, and it makes me feel bad."

"I feel like I should have done better or done things differently for the sake of my mom. All this toxicity and drama would have been avoided if I did things differently."

"I love my mom to death. The reason I'm feeling bad about this is because of the aftermath she has to deal with. I wish I had better aunts and uncles."

The OP summed up their situation.

"Yelling at my aunt and using cuss words, even though yelling at elders is a big no where I'm from."

"It ruined my mom's relationship with her siblings, and she has to go through drama and toxicity because of this."

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• NAH - No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).

"NTA at all! Your aunt has some weird delusion that after you say no a hundred times, you were still going to marry him. You are your own person and deserve respect."

"No one should be telling anyone who to marry. Heck, you don't have to marry at all if you don't want to!" ~ OKMace91

"NTA. Did your mom really, truly have a healthy relationship with her siblings before this? It doesn't sound like it."

"It sounds like her big sister was used to being able to mistreat her, and your mom would just take it. Your mom is still stuck in that cycle, which is unfortunate."

"The best thing you can do is live a great life. That will give your mom something happy to focus on and a role model (you!) for how to live differently."

"Be kind to yourself or to build a peaceful, happy life." ~ HowlPen

"Either your mom didn't give her sister a clear no and to stop, or she did, and your aunt didn't listen. Either way, respect was missing from their relationship."

"So it wasn't healthy. That's not your fault."

"If your mom had made your aunt stop, then none of this would have happened. If your aunt respected being told no, this never would have happened."

"No matter what, their unhealthy relationship started before you were born." ~ angel2hi

"It was your mother's responsibility to make the no-stick! She promised you she would handle it and then... didn't."

"You were left utterly defenseless and had to take up for yourself. Your mom wishes you'd handled it differently? Yeah, well, you wish she had handled it at ALL."

"This is not on you. Your mom's family is toxic, and she needs to learn to deal with them or cut off all contact for the sake of her own children."

"You didn't break them, you can't fix them." ~ Elesia

"Please know there was nothing you could do, except complete surrender, that would have avoided this drama. Even then, your aunt would be a nightmare to have as a mother-in-law, so drama was inevitable anyway."

"This is all about who she is, not about anything you did or didn't do." ~ BombayAbyss

"NTA. You shouldn't have 'handled it differently'. Because that's what you did, for YEARS, and it got you nowhere."

"They ignored you and persisted when you were polite about it. I mean, it was a no-win situation. If you're polite and quiet, they ignore your wishes, and you'd probably be getting married to him now!"

"If you're loud and insistent and refuse to be controlled by others, then you make everyone upset. There's literally no winning in this situation, so you finally put a stop to it. Good for you!" ~ Lizwings

"It sounds like your mother's family was used to your mother doing whatever they wanted to keep the peace and expected to do the same to you."

"The situation has always been toxic, but now you don't have to worry about that lady being both your aunt and your mother-in-law because if you think this is bad, imagine how much worse it would have been to be related to them through blood and the law."

"That lady would try and run over you and control your children as well, except now you would have had to pay to get out of it." ~ Gigi-lily

"I'm from Pakistan. I don't blame you in the least. She pushed and pushed, and you broke, especially with your cousin buying into your aunt's delusions."

"Your mother is better off without toxic relationships and people in her life, but you have to realize she may not see it that way given the importance of family in our culture."

"I'd encourage you to persuade her for therapy to gain another outlook if she is open to it. And to build a community outside of her family."

"It is hard to maintain your dignity in these situations, but she can either cower and take the blame so people believe the lies your aunt tells, or she can hold her head up, explain her side, and ignore the people who are just drama llamas." ~ OutrageousMulberry76

As the saying goes, traditions are often just peer pressure from dead people.

Hopefully such traditions eventually completely die.