Meeting the parents is stressful. It can be even more anxiety inducing for an LGBTQ+ couple.
A woman felt her partner handled her first meeting with her parents poorly, but her partner disagreed.
So the woman turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for perspective.
A Redditor asked:
“AITA for getting mad at my gf for lying about having a pet kangaroo?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Me (28F) and my gf (27F) met my parents for the first time. We are staying a few days.”
“My parents are excited my gf is Australian. So much they cooked meat pies for dinner.”
“We got there fairly late and they had all this food prepared. I completely forgot to tell them my gf is vegetarian, but I honestly didn’t realize they had anything like this planned for our first night.”
“They said it was a surprise and looked crestfallen so my gf intervened and said I was joking. Privately I asked her what she was doing and she said she didn’t mind eating meat one night, it was a choice thing, and she had eaten it growing up.”
“She’s very easy going and told me to chill.
“She was drinking, which she never does. Usually she’s quiet but she was getting chatty, especially with my dad. They encouraged each other.”
“My parents are a bit obsessed with her being Australian. We get to the end of the night and she tells this detailed story about her pet kangaroo.”
“She even had a photo with one.”
“Later we went up to bed and I asked her about it, and she kind of laughed, but didn’t elaborate. Just said ‘sorry I was pissed’ and passed out.”
“The next day I asked her about it and she said there was no kangaroo. At the time she had thought it was funny to make my parents believe she had one.”
“I asked her if she did it cause she was pissed at me about dinner, but she said she meant pissed as in drunk, and she would tell them today she was ‘pulling their leg’. The pic was of her and a random kangaroo she saw at a zoo.”
“I told her my dad wouldn’t get this and think she did it to make a fool of him. She shrugged and said ‘fine, I won’t tell him. I can have a pet kangaroo’.”
“At the time, I thought likely the story would be forgotten so I agreed to leave it.”
“Through lunch that day, the Australian thing came up a lot. She started the lunch fairly reserved but after a few drinks began telling them about her life in Australia.”
“It was convincing to my parents but I was pretty sure it was bs (think things like akubra, desert, whip- all very stereotypical).”
“We ended late and she went to sleep. The next day I asked her and yeah, it’s all bs.”
“She said she just drinks when she’s stressed and finds it funny to go along with the Australian thing in the moment.”
“She has always had an odd sense of humor but I was mad.”
“Told her she has to stop drinking. She says she won’t, it’s stressful to meet parents, especially as a lesbian couple, and I’m an AH for not supporting her more.”
“I told her we should tell my parents the truth and she said: No. They will think she’s an idiot with a drinking problem.”
“I told her she was in the heat of the moment.”
“My parents love her. Somehow, drunk she managed to be charming af.”
“The next day she slept off her hangover and avoided everyone. I said she wasn’t feeling great.”
“Since then we seem to be at a weird stalemate. I’m furious and she’s acting like this isn’t a big deal, actually being quite affectionate with me, chatting to my parents.”
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was the a**hole.
While some were willing to give the OP a ruling of no a**holes here…
“I see both sides here… I get why you are annoyed… she lied to your parents (who I assume you respect and love dearly).”
“At the same time it is part of Australian culture to ham up our culture to foreigners for laughs (I am Australian and incredibly country Australian – I actually had a pet kangaroo and rode a horse to school) so we tell stories about drop bears and all sorts of things like that… 95% of it is BS) so in a weird way if you love the ‘Australian side’ of her… this is part of her culture… sh*tty as it is.” ~ col_83
“Haha well said mate!”
“Also, we like to drink and joke around.”
“Tough one but I’m gonna sympathise with a fellow Aussie and go NAH.” ~ Samwise3214
“I’m a kiwi and when I moved back to England everyone was obsessed with my accent. I got asked lots of dumb questions like ‘did you have electricity?’ And “did you live in a mudhut?’.”
“After a while I made a big joke out of it and overplayed kiwi culture – e.g ‘oh yeah hobbits are actually real, I’ve only seen one before but I didn’t see me’ etc… It’s a laugh really.” ~ psychoyellow
“Going to say it is definitely part of our culture to do this… Visited cousins in the USA whose mates asked me if I actually rode kangaroos to school, after 30 minutes of asking me to repeat how I said ‘tomato’.”
“Told them not only did I ride kangaroos to school (lived in the suburbs of Sydney), but I also had a pet wombat.”
“I also explained bushwalking safety tips to prevent drop-bear attacks.”
“Of course I came clean, and everyone had a good laugh and were good sports. Just part of our humour.”
“I think her only faux pas here was not owning up to it being a joke shortly after. But, alcohol…” ~ doggo-spotter
“NAH – spent a year in Australia it’s part of the culture winding up foreigners about the wildlife. It means she likes them and is comfortable around them.”
e”Tell your parents the truth but please phrase it as such. She’s not lying to make them feel stupid or trick them with malicious intent.”
“To give you an idea of their humour further they named a swimming pool after a Prime Minister who got swept out to sea and died!”
“If you want some ammunition to joke back at her, the Australia army once lost a war against a bunch of Emus.” ~ Cavecat
…others were not as forgiving.
“I’m an Australian so I might be able to give a bit of our culture here.”
YTA. Your Aussie GF picked up that your parents had cultural expectations of Aussies (eating meat pies, drinking alcohol and kangaroos everywhere).”
“She wanted to deliver on that for them, because she likes you and wants you and your family to be happy- so she ate and drank what was offered, and she did what every Australian does when we’re asked incredulous questions about our land and culture- and that is TALKING SH*T!!”
“Australians love telling tall tales about our wildlife and culture, and we all get in on it.” ~ bicyclemofo
“YTA. It’s a bit of drunken Australian banter my dude. It’s called a wind up, the Irish do it too.”
“We bullsh*t the life out of each other when we drink and then laugh when others fall for it. It’s banter, good craic.”
“No harm meant. Cultural thing, aussies do it too.” ~ Government-Spy-Bot
“Are you giving your parents enough credit here?”
“You’re making them sound like slack-jawed drooling empty headed toddlers that don’t understand the concept of humor. This isn’t just an Aussie or Irish thing, people get drunk and tell tall tales all the time in other countries too.”
“You have entirely assumed and decided that they will be upset and offended without actually involving these grown a** people in a conversation about their own grown a** feelings. Maybe try explaining it to them before you write them off as totally useless?”
“This isn’t a joke at their expense, it’s just a joke about random life details that don’t matter. They want to learn about Australian culture?”
“Awesome, hey Mom and Dad, here’s a part of Australian culture called taking the piss or pulling your leg or whatever the f’k.”
“If you think they genuinely believe her or may take it the wrong way, then use your big girl words and speak to them like an adult before they get mad 5 years from now that you didn’t just explain the joke right away.”
“If they are offended, then she can apologize for the misunderstanding and everyone can move on. But maybe they actually will think it’s funny when they understand the culture around it.”
“Sounds to me like everyone is having a laugh and you need to remove the stick from your arse. If you’re old enough to get married, you’re old enough to have a conversation with your parents, f’k sake.” ~ FlashingAppleby
“You’re being up tight af. You wanted your parents to like your girlfriend. They do. Get over yourself.” ~ wrenskeet
“OP, you really don’t seem to want to do even the bare minimum to facilitate making sure this trip and introduction go well, while expecting a hell of a lot from your girlfriend. It also, frankly, seems like you’re not that interested in your girlfriend as a person.”
“You didn’t bother to tell your parents about a major dietary restriction. You won’t even try to explain the joke.”
“Furthermore, you apparently don’t know any very basic information about her culture. The Australian love of spinning tails to foreigners is pretty infamous. And knowing that ‘pissed’ refers to being drunk in England and Australia is very common knowledge.”
“You’re also being extremely over controlling and treating her like a child, and accusing her of being an alcoholic because she drank a whole two days in a row to be hospitable with your parents.”
“Your girlfriend flew across the world for you, ate meat to keep your inconsideration from upsetting your parents. She’s been working hard to hang out with them and make a good impression.”
“And yet you still want more and are upset she won’t act like a completely different person to make you feel more comfortable.”
“I think you should take a minute to consider if you’ve been a very good girlfriend, and if this relationship has been fair to her so far.” ~ terraformthesoul
Redditors were clear in their decision the OP’s girlfriend was not the a**hole.
As for the OP, the majority felt the OP was wrong in a variety of ways. Hopefully the OP can apply some of the insights provided.