Breastfeeding and weaning are topics that, for some reason, people feel like they can comment on with unsolicited, unwanted, often unqualified opinions.
Parents are criticized if they don’t breastfeed or if they do breastfeed. They’re criticized if they breastfeed too long or not long enough.
What these critics often overlook or ignore is that babies are miniature humans and humans are individuals. What works for one person may not be right for another.
A father dealing with a know-it-all sister turned to the “Am I The A**Hole” (AITAH) subReddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
Normal-Historian2180 asked:
“AITAH for mansplaining breastfeeding?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My wife and I have an eight-month-old baby. For various reasons, we are not feeding him commercially produced baby food.”
“We eat meals together as a family and, in addition to breastfeeding, he has access to what we eat (usually eggs, avocado, tofu, salmon, steamed broccoli, lentils, etc…) We let him choose what to try or if he wants to try anything at all.”
“My sister has been saying for two months that our baby needs to eat baby food, but that simply isn’t true. Our pediatrician said babies can be exclusively breastfed for up to a year.”
“We got into an argument about it yesterday, and my sister said babies need to have baby food introduced to them at six months, that they can’t skip from breast milk to adult food without that crucial step.”
“I told her that she is wrong and they can. Our baby eats eggs quite happily. She said babies shouldn’t eat dairy before a year. I said eggs aren’t dairy.”
“My sister got really frustrated during our argument and asked me if I really thought that I, as a man, understand breastfeeding better than her. I said that I do think so, because I’ve been watching my wife do it for eight months, and my sister doesn’t have kids.”
“I also said it doesn’t matter if my sister is the world’s leading expert on breastfeeding, because my wife and I are in charge of how we wean our son, not my sister. She doesn’t get a say.”
“My sister said she couldn’t believe I had the balls to mansplain breastfeeding to her. I said to believe it, and she didn’t like that.”
“Am I the a**hole?”
“I feel like she should keep her opinion to herself.”
The OP later added:
“My pediatrician said eggs are OK at six months. It’s the first thing we introduced.
“We also put some peanut oil in the broccoli. We introduced tofu. The only allergen he hasn’t been introduced to yet is animal dairy and some tree nuts.”
“Honey, obviously, he can’t eat because of botulism.”
“Baby food is made out of baby food obviously (I’m just kidding). My sister knows what it’s made out of—the same stuff as adult food. Maybe it’s just cognitive dissonance for her?”
“She’s not a medical professional or a nutritionist.”
“If he was not getting all his necessary nutrients his pediatrician would have noticed. Right now everything he needs is in breast milk.”
“We are hoping by making it his decision to eat the food he will develop affinity for it and not be a picky eater. That’s why we are also waiting until he already likes veggies before introducing fruit.”
“My sister just doesn’t agree with what we are doing. We breastfed exclusively up until six months (as all experts agree is necessary) and at six months we started giving him access to our food as well (no choking hazards).”
“We also introduced him to peanut oil right away to prevent allergy development, which pissed her off. She said he shouldn’t eat allergens until he is two. Well, she’s wrong according to our pediatrician.”
“Anyway, at first our son wasn’t interested in the food. He would see us eat it and grab it and squeeze it, but that was it. He put some in his mouth and gummed it, but didn’t really eat it.”
“All of this is normal and part of his develop. But my sister said we needed to be shoving carrot purees in his mouth.”
“We don’t have to do that. In time he started eating tiny amounts of scrambled eggs and salmon and avocado spears. Now he will try most things, but still mostly drinks my wife’s milk. When he wants to eat more he will eat. For now he is happy with mostly breastmilk.”
“My sister is convinced that all of this is abnormal and he is not eating more because he needs commercially produced baby food.”
“He doesn’t need to eat more right now because he is eating and thriving. Drinking his mother’s milk is eating. It has all the nutrition he needs right now.”
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO – more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not wrong and not mansplaining (NTA).
“NTA. This wasn’t mansplaining, it was you setting a boundary about your own child while correcting misinformation, and your sister didn’t like being told she was wrong or that she didn’t get a say.”
“The mistake, if any, was framing it as ‘I understand this better than you’ instead of just ‘this is what our pediatrician advised and this is our decision,’ but that’s a tone issue, not a moral one.”
“She’s reacting to being shut out, not to your gender, and she needs to accept that parents get to make these calls, not siblings.” ~ Numerous-Cup-3279
“Right…like none of what OP aid could be considered mansplaining…his sister is just being rude and OP is standing up for his wife. NTA.” ~ HUBOI25
“And really, I’m all for men being educated on a woman’s body and how it works, especially around reproduction if they’ve had a child together.”
“I think there’s every chance that OP knows more about how boobs and lactation work than his sister does, and that’s a good thing (for OP & OP’s wife).” ~ VividFiddlesticks
“Looking at myself from before I had a baby and how my childfree friends are it’s highly likely an involved father knows more about breastfeeding.”
“In addition to that, this issue is more about children’s nutrition than breastfeeding. Again something where it’s highly likely an involved parent knows more about that than a childless person no matter their gender.” ~ ZwartVlekje
“Just because you are a man, and you are explaining something (factual and accurate) to a woman, that doesn’t automatically I make it mansplaining. Maybe you should mansplain to your sis what mansplaining is. And isn’t. NTA.” ~ National_Pension_110
“Mansplaining has to do with a man explaining a topic to a woman who has more direct experience and knowledge (often academic and/or professional) about the subject than the man does.”
“It’s not just a man explaining any topic to a woman.”
“The sister doesn’t have any training or experience that would make her opinions more qualified than the baby’s parents and pediatrician.” ~ doktorcrash
“The sister’s argument is basically ‘I have breasts, so my unqualified opinion trumps anything my brother thinks.’ That’s asinine.
“I have a vagina, a uterus, and everything else required to get pregnant and give birth. But they don’t magically make me an expert on childbirth. A man who was in classes and labor/delivery with his wife would definitely know more about the process than childfree, never been pregnant me.” ~ MohawMais
“Based off the title, I thought it was going to be that OP tried to explain breastfeeding to his wife who had already been doing it for 8 months. That would be mainsplaining, not whatever this is with his childless sister.” ~ hyp3rpop
“This was just regular splaining.”
“And the sister clearly needed it.”
“Next time, tell her to talk to a professional. Maybe they could use her expertise.” ~ DesireeThymes
“It’s almost like baby food is mashed human food.”
“NTA, no mansplaining here. Your sister is out of line. Having ovaries does not mean she carries special baby knowledge on her chromosomes.”
“Babies are humans who eat the same food as every other human.” ~ tulipvonsquirrel
“Like ‘baby food’ was invented in the 1860’s according to the internet. The idea that the sister has that babies have to eat that first is just silly—what did all the babies eat in the EONS before the invention of baby food?” ~ BlackVoidCat13
“What’s the difference between eating some steamed broccoli off a plate, and having someone spoon pureed broccoli into the baby? The jars of baby food are just convenient.”
“We wound up making our own mashed sweet potatoes for our girls, and they loved it as babies. Then I would steam other foods and mush it small to feed to them until they got old enough to eat more on their own.” ~ Eureka05
“So you’re introducing solids through Baby Led Weaning in addition to breastfeeding. That’s absolutely age appropriate. Your sister is misinformed and instead of learning from you, she’s digging her heels in the sand.”
“Signed, mom of 4, with 8 month old twins who are currently BLW and breastfeeding.”
“You’re doing great, keep it up. Hopefully your sister will come around and chill out. NTA.” ~ MegglestheMegalodon
While OP’s sister might have good intentions, her approach and her respect for her nibling’s parents is poor.
It’s time to back off and let the parents parent their baby.