It’s no secret that wedding planning is spectacularly expensive.
Because of the amount of money being spent, sometimes couples have to make tough decisions, like not hiring the band they really wanted or invited fewer people to their wedding.
Though we all can understand that, we might have sour feelings if we’re personally impacted by the budget, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Four years prior, Redditor NoVermicelli1915 looked on while a friend made a terrible scene at a mutual friend’s wedding, because she hadn’t been paid enough for her baking services.
So much so, the Original Poster (OP) was reluctant to invite the friend to her upcoming wedding.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for not inviting a friend to my wedding due to her behavior at the last wedding she went to?”
The OP was not particularly close to one of the women in her friend group, Morgan.
“I (25 female) have a friend called Morgan (27 Female). Morgan and I have been drifting apart in recent years due to our differing opinions of how she handled a situation at our other friend, Lucy’s (25 Female) wedding in 2019.”
“Lucy had asked Morgan to make some desserts and sweet treats for the reception and she agreed. This was the only food that was going to be at the reception other than cocktail sandwiches.”
“They agreed on the price (for the sake of simplicity, let’s say £500 for all the baked goods, though this isn’t what they actually offered, it was much more) because when they organized this, Lucy and her partner were solely paying for the wedding.”
The happy couple then came into more wedding funds.
“About seven months before the wedding, Lucy’s parents offered to pay for the remaining fees, which they accepted.”
“This meant they theoretically had more money to pay Morgan for the food she was making.”
“This is how it looked on paper, but in reality, the money was swallowed up quickly by other fees and whatnot.”
Morgan was hurt when she found out the truth.
“I guess Morgan found out about the ‘extra money’ at the wedding and tried to ask Lucy for more but Lucy refused… because she literally didn’t have it anymore.”
“Morgan wanted £2000 now instead of £500. So, she took the all baked goods and put them back in her truck and so no one had anything to eat for most of the reception.”
“Lucy was obviously having a breakdown and her partner/the families of the married couple/all our friend group were trying to convince her to bring the food back in, but she refused.”
“Luckily, some people went and ordered a ton of pizzas, burgers, milkshakes, etc., and the wedding was saved but it caused so much unnecessary stress.”
The OP was reluctant to spend time around Morgan after that.
“I have sort of stopped talking to Morgan, but she is vaguely in the friend group because she’s loosely related to Lucy, and she’s been trying to ‘get over it’ because they see each other at family gatherings.”
“Anyway, I announced my engagement in December, and we’re getting married in August 2023.”
“Everyone but Morgan is invited. I’m not trying to be a b**h, but she has shown herself to be very vindictive and calculated in her malicious actions since this wedding debacle, and the last thing I want is her kicking off.”
Morgan called the OP out on not being invited, stirring up new drama.
“We have a separate group chat that Morgan is not in, but she knows I’m getting married and is upset that she’s not invited.”
“She called me and asked why I couldn’t invite her.”
“I told her that 1) we’re not friends, even before Lucy’s wedding, we were more acquaintances, and 2) her behavior at and after Lucy’s wedding has made me doubt her maturity, and I want my day to be special.”
“I know I can’t prevent EVERYTHING from happening at my wedding, but if I can remove one factor (someone who is known for being argumentative and vindictive) for my own anxiety, then fine.”
“Now she’s trying to convince Lucy to convince me to let her come. Morgan is super upset at me and my fiance.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out that it was the OP’s wedding, so she could choose who to invite.
“NTA for not inviting her, as it doesn’t sound like you consider her a friend in the first place, but honestly, your friend Lucy sounds insane. All she intended to provide her guests with was some sandwiches and a load of desserts?”
“In some ways, it’s good that Morgan left with the desserts as it forced people to order the proper food Lucy should have provided in the first place. She’d have had some pretty ill guests if all they had was some puddings and some cocktail sandwiches.”
“Saying that, Morgan had agreed to provide them, so should have left them, or if she really felt that Lucy had conned her she should have left $500 worth of desserts. Lucy is a bad host and a poor planner. Morgan should have just sucked it up and stuck to the agreement and learned not to do Lucy favors again.” – Sfb208
“NTA. You don’t have to invite anyone, and it doesn’t sound like you are particularly close friends anyway.”
“What Morgan did was petty and an AH move. She was there, the stuff was made, and it screwed everyone.”
“But it sounds to me like Lucy basically said, ‘Can you please do this as a favor to me? I only have £500 to spend on food, and there’s no way I can afford to feed everyone for that in any other way,’ and then she got thousands of £ and decided to spend it on other things.” – Usrname52
“NTA, though I do think you should’ve kept Lucy out of it.”
“You should’ve just left it as, ‘I never thought of us as friends,’ and left it to that.”
“Now, you brought Lucy into more drama that she didn’t need when she seemingly is trying to patch it up? They still hang in family gatherings and Lucy didn’t push her out of the friend group when no one else likes her.”
“So that kinda makes you s**tty. But not for not inviting her. But you should apologize to Lucy for extending her drama.” – NerdytheWarlock
“If you have a friend that is poor and they asked you to lower your prices on your goods so they can afford it, you can say no, but if you agreed to those lower prices, that’s the end of it.”
“It’s insane that when her friend stumbled into more money, she decided to try to extort her friend for more money the day of the reception. That’s just insane.”
“After agreeing to the prices, you don’t just get to walk that back and try to extort more money from them later. How can you think that was remotely a gray area? She’s just horrible.” – 15jtaylor443
“If you say, ‘I’m not inviting you because of A, B, and C,’ people who don’t want to accept no for an answer will naturally try to explain why A, B, and C are invalid reasons.”
“In this case, A is, ‘you aren’t my friend,’ and is absolutely a complete and sufficient reason not to invite Morgan. By adding B, ‘your behavior at Lucy’s wedding,’ then Morgan is naturally going to try to convince OP that her behavior was fine, which is what drags Lucy into this.”
“The problem is that Morgan won’t accept she’s not invited, and now she’s bugging Lucy. Of course, this shouldn’t happen, but because Morgan is an AH, it has happened. One could have predicted it might happen, so by including B as a reason, OP opened the door to Morgan’s continued AHness to Lucy when OP didn’t need to.” – Perturbedhamster
Others were critical of how Morgan had been treated as a caterer, as well as now.
“YTA. Lucy did her friends a favor when she was told they were almost broke, presumably to make a fancy wedding cake, etc.”
“Then on the DAY, after she did untold hours of free work, she learned that the bride did, in fact, have more money, but allocated it to ‘fees and what not’ which I suppose means a more expensive dress, fancier honeymoon, booze, etc.”
“Presumably, the bride said to herself, ‘Lucy is a relative, and of course, she wants to do this as a gift to me, the bride on my big fluffy, frilly day.'”
“On the day of the wedding, Lucy woke up to the fact they were using her, and she put her foot down, demanding to be paid for all the work she did. The bride weaponized all the other married couples to say that Lucy was in the wrong (and it’s a shame Lucy didn’t know before the day) when she was being too nice and was just sick and tired of being manipulated and abused.”
“I’m sure Lucy will be a great guest, so long as you don’t take advantage of her kindness and generosity, asking her to cater for your wedding and then barely pay for the ingredients!”
“Of course, it’s the ‘married couples together, like a scene from ‘Bridget Jones’!” – Fancy_Avocado7497
“Wait, so y’all expect caterers to work for a fraction of their usual pay because they know the couple getting married? Sounds entitled.”
“I dunno about you all but if I get married, I’m going to plan within my means. I’m not going to expect everyone I know to suddenly work for free or next to free just because I want all the wedding things but can’t afford them.”
“If you’re broke, you’re broke, and it probably isn’t even your fault… don’t pretend you have money that you don’t by forcing others to donate their time and talents to your love party.”
“I’m sorry, maybe this is an unpopular opinion, but I wonder how much labor it took to prep that much food and what the take home was after expenses… I’d be personally offended if one of my friends asked me to do my job for free just because they’re throwing a big party they can’t actually afford.”
“I think everyone is the a**hole here… but I think Morgan was just sticking up for herself. Maybe there was some misunderstanding involved, but honestly, I hate when people feel entitled to exploit other people’s labor because ‘they’re friends…'”
“Real friends don’t put you in that position, to begin with. If you love and respect your friends, you will pay them what they’re worth, and if you can’t afford it, you don’t get it. If the friend decides to offer their services at a discount and it’s their idea, then fine.”
“YTA. Honestly, too many a**holes to count.” – DeerGodKnow
“I think the situation is likely that Lucy presented a desperate situation that resulted in Morgan agreeing to supply these goods at significant expense to herself, and when she understood Lucy had come into more funds and applied them elsewhere, knowing that Morgan had done this at expense/loss, she lost the plot.”
“It doesn’t excuse Morgan’s scene. But I think it’s more nuanced than basic extortion because she just wanted more money.” – Ladyughsalot1
“I’d love to hear Morgan’s side of the story. Like, did she agree to do the deserts at cost or less because she knew Lucy had budget restrictions? Then Lucy and fiancé didn’t offer more, even when funds became available, knowing she was providing the deserts at a significant discount?”
“If that’s the case, that’s a Lucy problem: taking advantage of a friend and expecting something for nothing.”
“If she was never really a good friend, that’s one thing. But maybe it’s up to Lucy and Morgan to work out their issues without you getting involved.”
“Regardless, it’s your wedding and obviously your choice who to include. So NTA… technically.” – Only_Music_2640
Like typical wedding drama, this situation left the subReddit deeply divided about how Morgan was being treated.
On the one hand, she had agreed to a price for her baking and could have gone through the wedding reception with grace.
But on the other hand, she had been under-compensated for her work, even after more funds became available, and to add salt to the wound, she wasn’t being invited to another friend’s wedding after standing up for herself.
Weddings really do have a way of bringing out the worst in some people. The question ultimately for the subReddit, though, was the worst in who?