It’s very easy to rush to judgment on someone.
Something we’ve all been guilty of.
Be it owing to their profession, their appearance, or their personality, people will far too often dismiss someone without ever getting to know them.
On some occasions, however, people’s assumptions about others will prove to be more than accurate.
Redditor Living-Blacksmith916 was planning a speedy, last-minute wedding, to which her brother was permitted to bring a plus one.
A plus one that the original poster (OP) did not want in attendance at her wedding.
When the OP told this to her brother, he took the news with anything but understanding.
Worried she may have been unfair, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for asking my brother not to bring a cam girl as his plus-one to my wedding?”
The OP explained why she drew the line with her brother’s intended plus-one:
“I (29 F[emale]) am getting married in April.”
“The wedding is a bit short notice as my fiancé only proposed in December, but we chose April as we got a really good price for our dream wedding venue.”
“We are offering plus-ones for our single guests.”
“My brother Fran (27 M[ale]) is single and took us up on the plus-one offer.”
“He wants to bring a girl, Dani (26 F).”
“Dani is a cam girl and Fran is a client of hers.”
“Fran sometimes pays her to meet up in person and go on dates, and my wedding would be one of those times.”
“I only know about the nature of their relationship because Fran started this while living with our parents and they eventually found out.”
“I’ve only met Dani a few times, once when Fran brought her to our aunt’s potluck baby shower.”
“I feel like Dani’s behavior during this event was really inappropriate.”
“They turned up 2 hours late (by then, most of the food was gone) with no dish and Dani kept loudly complaining she was hungry the whole event.”
“She took a load of the unused paper plates and straws and stuffed them into her purse without asking if she could take them.”
“She also made really rude comments towards my aunt about her pregnant belly and how ‘big’ she is and how she should get liposuction after the baby.”
“She managed to constantly make herself the center of attention by just generally being loud and unpleasant.”
“This really upset our aunt.”
“She vented to my mom (who wasn’t at the baby shower because she was sick) about it and when my mom confronted Fran, he had a meltdown and it was never brought up again.”
“I just find everything about her behavior really tacky, this plus the fact she’s not even Fran’s girlfriend or friend but his sex worker makes me really not want her at the wedding.”
“At first I phrased it in a non-confrontational way and asked if there was anyone else he’d like to bring, like one of his friends.”
“Fran said no and got really defensive, and asked me why I’d ask him that.”
“He then accused me of hating Dani for no reason.’
“I told him he’s welcome to bring someone else as his plus-one, but he is not to bring Dani to the wedding because I’ve just not liked what I’ve seen in her behavior at the last family event she was at.”
“He said I’m being judgmental and that Dani is a nice person.”
“I asked Fran to please not make this a big deal and just bring one of his friends and have a nice time with the family.”
“Fran started yelling at me, he called me a stupid b*tch and said I’ve already offered him a plus-one so he’s bringing Dani, and I can’t stop him, and that I’m being a terrible sister.”
“I feel like I’m going crazy because I don’t think I’m being massively unreasonable, but this is the biggest fight I’ve ever had with Fran.”
“Am I the a**hole?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to let Fran bring Dani as his plus one to her wedding.
Everyone agreed that, regardless of their relationship or Dani’s profession, Dani’s past behavior was more than enough to justify the OP banning her from her wedding. Some even urged the OP to consider if Fran shouldn’t be banned from the wedding as well:
“NTA.”
“He called you a stupid b*tch.”
“You may not be able to disinvite him due to family pressure, or maybe you don’t want to because he’s your brother.”
“But you can absolutely take away his plus one.”
“That’s what I’d do; he forfeited it due to his behavior.”- neoncactusfields
“NTA.”
“If she wasn’t a cam girl, all the other things you know about her (rude, unpleasant, loud, insulting, etc.) would be excellent reasons to not want her at the wedding.”- IDontLikeGreenPeas
“NTA.”
“It’s ok to say ‘Based on Dani’s behavior at the baby shower, she is not welcome at my wedding. It has nothing to do with her occupation or the dynamics of your situation. It is entirely the consequences of her own actions’.”
“It is also ok to say, ‘Based on you calling me a stupid b*tch, you are not welcome either. You cannot disrespect the bride that way and still expect to be invited to the wedding’.“
“Her behavior at the baby shower has exactly zero to do with her being a cam girl, and everything to do with how she chose to act as a guest at a family event.”
“So focus on that.”- Heathengeek
“NTA.”
“You’re not refusing Dani because she’s a sex worker.”
“You’re refusing her because she’s an obnoxious human being.”
“Retract your invitation to your brother.”
“You CAN stop him from bringing Dani.”- LilLatte
“NTA.”
“It’s okay, you don’t want your brothers’ embarrassing, rude, paid escort to attend your WEDDING.”
“WTF am I even reading here??”
“She sounded awful at the baby party- telling a pregnant woman at her own baby shower she’d need lipo?”
“F*ck that noise!”- Which_Translator_548
“NTA.”
“Uninvite your brother.”- GOPsucksA**
“NTA, and why does your brother have to pay someone to be his date?”- Trekkie-Nurse
“NTA.”
“This is a hill i would die on- no way you can invite an escort to my wedding.”- LunaGreen-177
“NTA at all.”
“The fact that she’s proven herself a bad actor at social gatherings makes it perfectly okay for you to ban her IMO, same way you could kick out any other +1 who starts making a scene.”-MortemEtInteritum17
“NTA.”
“Your wedding, your rules.”
“Put your foot down and tell your brother he can come or not, but she will not be permitted at the ceremony or reception.”
“Don’t argue or debate. Remember, ‘no’ is a complete sentence.”
“Get a couple reliable family members to play doorman and refuse her entry in case she shows.”
“Away from the main entrance, and you, as it will be drama, but it will be mitigated drama you don’t have to participate in.”
“You do not want to spend your wedding day stressing about her and your brother.”
“Her occupation is irrelevant.”
“She could be his girlfriend, or wife, you’d do not have to entertain anyone who will bring you down on your day.”
“I work in the wedding industry and trust me… these people are problems.”- badfreesample
“NTA.”
“Your brother needs to go to therapy; he’s clearly in a parasocial relationship with his sex worker.”
“It would be different if she were voluntarily going on dates with him, and just happened to cam girl on the side.”
“But no, she’s not only trashy, but he’s also paying her to be trashy.”
“I’d be damned if I let him bring that trashiness to my wedding.”
“He needs help – therapy, an intervention, something.”- The-Psych0naut
“‘He then accused me of hating Dani for no reason’.”
“Oh, it sounds like you have plenty of legitimate reasons to not like her.”
“NTA.”
“If your brother had a shred of self-awareness, he’d be embarrassed.”- SpeedDemon241428
“NTA and Fran are about to get themselves uninvited.”
“And no ‘keeping the peace’ either.”- KetoLurkerHereAgain
“NTA.”
“She’d be like this regardless of her job.”
“I wouldn’t frame it around her being a sex worker personally.”
“She’s a trashy person, and you don’t want a trashy person around.”
“She could be the CEO of a company, and if she behaved like this, it would still be unacceptable.”
“Tell your bridal party you didn’t invite her, and if she shows up, they have to be kicked out.”
“Now I will say, there will likely be a fallout in your relationship with your brother.”
“You’re NTA for wanting any particular person not be at your wedding.”
“It’s your wedding and weddings are expensive.”
“Just be prepared for this not end well between you and your brother.”
“If that’s a risk you’re willing to take, go for it.”- 2spooky4me5ever
It would be one thing if the OP weren’t letting Dani come to her wedding purely because of her work.
But seeing as Dani’s behavior has been borderline uncivilized at past gatherings, it’s hard to imagine anyone would want her at their wedding.
If Fran chooses to skip his sister’s wedding out of solidarity, one can safely, and sadly, assume he won’t be missed.