Offering to help a loved one in a time of need is a gracious act of selflessness.
It can take a lot of personal time to give to others.
Which is why having some personal time every day to keep inner peace is vital for many.
This doesn’t always go over well with the person being helped.
Some people need all of everyone’s time.
Redditor AStormInsideTeaCups wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for leaving because my S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw] hid my shoes to keep me from taking walks?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Sorry if there are any sentences that have missing words; this was over 5000 characters when I first wrote it, so I had to edit it down.”
“She is my SISTER-IN-LAW, not my sister.”
“My SIL has three little ones, and her husband (my stepbrother) had to leave the country for work for a few months.”
“I offered to stay so I could help her out where needed, and she happily accepted.”
“I live across town, so not THAT far.”
“I was there for 3 days when my SIL commented on me going on daily walks.”
“I have taken a daily walk of at least a mile since October 2018.”
“Yes, even with a cold, yes, even in cold weather, yes to all of it.”
“On nice days, the walk is usually 4 miles.”
“At my SILs, I started taking a path that was about two miles.”
“I asked if she wanted me to watch the kids while she got some exercise, and she scoffed and said she was too busy, but it must be nice.”
“I was a little puzzled since I was offering to help.”
“But the comments kept coming.”
“She kept trying to poke holes.”
“’But it’s not REALLY a mile every day, right?’ and ‘What would you do if you broke your foot? Would you get anxious if you couldn’t take a walk?’”
“Then one morning, I couldn’t find my shoes.”
“My SIL woke up an hour later, I was eating breakfast with the kids, and I asked her.”
“She told me to go check the back door, and when I got back, she pointed at them by the door and said I must have missed them.”
“I took my walk after telling her that her joke wasn’t funny.”
“She was annoyed when I got back and told me that she thinks I need to see a therapist over my anxiety/obsession.”
“I told her that I do have a therapist, and she said I clearly need a new one because this one isn’t helping.”
“I asked her point-blank, why does it bother her so much if I want to take a walk?”
“She said I was supposed to be there to help her with the kids, and I’m disappearing for hours at a time.”
“I told her that my walks take about 30 minutes, and I’m doing it while they have downtime.”
“I put my shoes in the guest room with the rest of my things, and they were gone the next morning.”
“I just said f**k it and packed my things and left.”
“My SIL called me when I was on my way home and said I was overreacting and being childish, and this is why I am single and alone.”
“I told her that I don’t play these stupid games and that I would still pick up the girls and stay until she got home from work, but that she’s on her own for everything else.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. It is most certainly your SIL who needs a therapist.”
“Something about your wellness routine is triggering her in some way.”
“It is weird and unhealthy.” ~ I_Suggest_Therapy
“Does she expect you to be her Nanny/maid on duty 24/7…?”
“Nope!” ~ Someone-Rebuilding
“She’s angry that OP has an easy life (being single and childless), something that she lost when she produced 3 children.”
“It’s not OP’s responsibility to care for them – if anything, the SIL should’ve been forever grateful for the offer of (FREE) help.”
“The entitlement of some people makes me sick.”
“OP, if I were you, I’d mind my own business and cut the help altogether.”
“Also, from my own experience: when you’re told to change therapists because they’re not helping, that’s the strongest proof that they actually ARE helping.”
“People who can’t accept your improvements will always try to drag you back to where they can comfortably manage you. NTA.” ~ BooBoo_Ghemotoc
“I mean, it sounds like OP also offered her time to get some exercise in herself, so it also sounds like she just doesn’t like the fact OP is putting in the effort to exercise.”
“Crabs in a bucket mentality.” ~ Kinuika
“No, it’s more likely jealousy.”
“She probably notices that, as a mom, self-care routines such as exercise are deprioritized, and her physical attractiveness is suffering for it.”
“She is jealous that the other woman is (might be) more fit, and she is jealous that she doesn’t have as much time to dedicate to self-care.”
“I am sorry that she feels bad about herself, but putting others down to feel better about herself is toxic.” ~ Vektor0
“She’s jealous.”
“Jealous that OP doesn’t have the responsibility of looking after 3 kids by herself.”
“Jealous that OP has time for self-care.”
“Jealous that OP has the ability to do it every day.”
“SIL’s ‘it must be nice’ comment is just bitterness and jealousy tossed together in her little resentment salad.” ~ SunMoonTruth
“Your SIL is jealous of your self-care, and it’s pathetic.”
“Now she’s realized she’s taken it too far, she looks like a lunatic, and she has no way to reasonably explain this to your stepbrother, you know, because what she did was nuts.”
“Then she double-downed.”
“I’m impressed you’re still willing to interact with her at all.”
“If she acts out-of-line anymore, disappear until stepbrother returns.”
“Also, I’d contact him now and very calmly let him know what’s up.”
“Be sure to tell him she said…”
“A. You need therapy for daily walks.”
“B. You are childish.”
“C. Leaving because your things get hidden is why you’re ‘single and alone.'”
“What’s she going to do?”
“Explain how she lost a reliable live-in and then at least every workday babysitter because she’s a controlling loon?”
“NTA.” ~ SisterTulips
“NTA.”
“My SIL called me when I was on my way home and said I was overreacting and being childish, and this is why I am single and alone.”
“And then you told her to figure everything out herself because, as a child, it wouldn’t be safe for you to watch her kids at all. Right?”
“She can pay a babysitter.”
“It’s her and your stepbrothers’ responsibility, not yours.” ~ maybe-an-ai
“NTA. It’s a bit amusing that she tells you to speak to see a therapist when daily exercise and fresh air are actually good for mental health.”
“Besides, it’s not like you are away for hours anyway, a short walk is normal and a part of everyday life.” ~ Jackonelli
“My therapist is big on my taking a daily walk.”
“He once had me do an exercise where I did a mood survey before and after my walk, and of course, it was much higher afterwards.”
“I hate when the stupid things they tell you to do actually work.” ~ melodypowers
“You are my hero; you took action that was proportional to the offense.”
“She is the one who needs to see a therapist to understand why she is so intolerant of other people’s routines.”
“She also needs to learn that her ways and opinions do not apply to everyone around her.”
“Just because she is not doing anything to take care of herself, it doesn’t mean that she gets to make decisions for others’ health.”
“NTA, don’t go back, let her sleep in the bed she made.” ~ Grymflyk
“NTA, does your SIL seriously think walking a couple of miles a day is some sort of issue that needs therapy?”
“Is she unaware of the concept of exercise?”
“Honestly, it sounds more like she is annoyed that you get to do things away from her kids.”
“Also, maybe she shouldn’t steal other people’s property.” ~ lord_buff74
“NTA. She sounds like she needs a therapist.”
“She might have separation anxiety from her husband (your stepbrother) and treat you as an extension of him.”
“Hiding your shoes to prevent you ‘from disappearing’ when you’re helping her out is extreme entitled behavior.” ~ Infamous-Berry-5875
“NTA. I have a coworker who is 78 (she looks like she is in her 50s, no joke) and she runs or walks 5 miles almost every day.”
“Sometimes it’s outside, and sometimes it’s on a treadmill.”
“She does it cause she likes it.”
“Not because she’s obsessed or anything.”
“It’s because she likes it and because it makes her feel good.”
“You should get the kids to go on walks with you and really piss off SIL.” ~ Anxious_Island_404
“NTA, you were doing her a very generous favor, and she essentially stole your property.”
“It is so weird she is obsessed with your walks.”
“She should be able to watch her children for an entire day by herself, let alone 30 mins.”
“As you said, it’s not like youre leaving in the middle of chaos.”
“Daily exercise is actually important for everyone.”
“Maybe she wouldn’t be acting so crazy if she took your offer for a walk.”
“You’re still generous for continuing to even offer her any help.” ~ Dangerous_Cow_7372
“NTA. She’s probably feeling jealous that you have time for self-care while she’s overwhelmed with three kids, but hiding your shoes twice is completely unacceptable behavior from an adult.”
“You were doing her a favor, and she was being manipulative instead of just having an honest conversation about feeling overwhelmed.” ~ Due-Major1576
OP came back to say thanks…
“Ok, I did not expect to be told I’m NTA to this degree.”
“I thought a lot more people would have arguments with me since it has to do with taking care of kids.”
Reddit is with you, OP.
You have every right to take some daily time for yourself.
You’re there to be a helpful family member, not an indentured servant.
Stay strong and enjoy your walks.