Home security is a billion-dollar industry.
The strides that have been made in security equipment are astounding.
Anyone and anything can be surveyed from anywhere at anytime.
It’s an incredible feat for many; for others, it can be a hostile invasion of privacy.
Not all home monitoring is appreciated.
Redditor VictorSponge wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally, he came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA for my productivity/behaviour becoming affected after my friend installed home security cameras?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (24 M[ale]) moved into my good friend’s (39 M) house, and we’ve been living together for 3 years.”
“We’re not partners.”
“I don’t work on account of a stressful degree, but the house is paid off, and he makes enough for bills, so I buy groceries, do chores/cook, so I’m home often when not in class.”
“2 years ago, he bought a doorbell camera and security cameras for the sides and back of the house, plus window/door sensors for security and to monitor his dog, who sometimes escapes the yard. Fine.”
“But soon after, he wanted security cameras in the house.”
“He claimed it was to monitor the dog’s mischief.”
“They’d be in the entryway, living room, and hallway (which points at our bedrooms and bathroom).”
“I said I was opposed.”
“I didn’t see the point of internal cameras when the outside was covered already.”
“He said he’d give me access to the app, buy cameras with lids, and allow me to close the lids (which, to be fair, he did), but I still didn’t agree.”
“I didn’t want to have to worry about my privacy being accessible in a hackable app.”
“But he went ahead and got them anyway.”
“The dog was often of little interest on camera as he milled about, so with the lack of activity, the cameras had a different benefit.”
“A text right as I left the house: ‘Why are you just now leaving? You should go to the store earlier.’”
“At dinner: ‘Why didn’t you get downstairs until 11? You were supposed to feed the dog at 10.”’
“I would say something funny happened with the dog while he was working: ‘I know, I saw.”’
“If he texted with no immediate answer, I’d hear from a camera loudspeaker: ‘Why are you not answering?”’
“Sometimes he posted funny things of the dog on the cameras to his Insta story, but a few times it’s something ‘funny’ of ME on camera.”
“I’d ask him to remove it, and though he did, he didn’t understand what the big deal was.”
“I’d close camera lids, but because he gets upset if I don’t open them before bed, I’d mostly leave them open to avoid the scolding if I forgot.”
“The house feels less like home and more like ‘The Truman Show’ sometimes, often leading me to avoid tasks as I feel I can’t do anything without the fear of surveillance.”
“I’ll admit there are some things I should’ve been doing at home that I was pushing to a later date/time or forgetting.”
“Still, I feel using the cameras for receipts is overstepping some kind of privacy boundary.”
“Fear of being watched is so ingrained now, I catch myself sometimes unable to relax in the house or reflexively checking for a camera in my room before undressing.”
“My friend says the cameras are harmless, that I should just get things done properly if I don’t want to be monitored or called out by him.”
“But I still feel this only causes me paranoia and frames my task struggling as my fault for what I feel was (and still is) an invasion of my privacy.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for surveillance anxiety affecting my productivity/behavior?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA, but you have to get out.”
“He is creepy and controlling.” ~ unsafeideas
“Agreed. We put in a rather elaborate alarm system in our house, and when I discussed with the designer and security company about an interior cam on one particularly valuable area of the house, they said, ‘Nope.'”
“Don’t do it.”
“You’ll have issues with friends and family (and renters if we ever rented the house) if they know we have interior cam/s and it’s an even BIGGER problem if it’s not disclosed.”
“That this person not only did this, but ALSO has clearly done it to be Big Brother, you gotta get out of there, unless you can get them to realize it’s not cool and change their ways.”
“Not optimistic about that, though, from what you wrote.” ~ jeremyjava
“NTA, yes, you are living there for free, yes, it’s his right to have cameras, but this is not a legal sub.”
“It’s AITA.”
“This dude is being an AH.”
“Y’all really think it’s ok for him to post video footage of OP online?”
“What The Heck is wrong with all of you?”
“Yes, OP should move out if they don’t like it.”
“Doesn’t mean this guy isn’t a TOTAL creep.” ~ Proper_Hunter_9641
“Roomie posting videos of OP online was what made me change my verdict to NTA.”
“That is a HUGE invasion of privacy.”
“I have indoor cameras to monitor my pets, and I rarely access them when my own HUSBAND is home because that’s just creepy and invasive.”
“Also, if someone is home, then the pets are being monitored.” ~ Hippopotapus*y
“NTA, but set alarms to close the cameras in the morning and open them before bed.” ~ IcePrincess_Not_Sk8r
“He’s getting weary of the arrangement, and this is a way to try to get you to do your part more consistently or move on.”
“He doesn’t want to be hostile, and he’s probably enjoyed the energy of a younger person in their 20s since he’s almost 40.”
“But he’s getting tired of the situation, and instead of dealing with it directly in a conversation, the cameras are a way to push more subtly to get you to do your part.”
“He’s beginning to feel taken advantage of.”
“But he should never be posting anything online with you in it without your explicit agreement.” ~ TigerWalkingThru
“What the hell is wrong with this comments section?!”
“NTA, this is pretty much a pressure cooker for some intense mental health problems.”
“Get out NOW, bestie.” ~ RushBest5348
“Ohh my god OP I’m worried for you.”
“It sounds like this man befriended you intentionally because you are young and in a vulnerable position, and now that you are reliant on him, he is tightening his control.”
“This situation is really weird and f**ked up, and the fact that you weren’t even sure whether or not he was in the wrong shows that he has already been grooming you.”
“If you have a supportive family, you would be way better off moving back in with them right away, dont stay in this situation a moment longer.” ~ imjustapersontoo
“NTA. I don’t think you’re an a**hole for not liking the cameras, and he’s not an a**hole for preferring them.”
“He is an a**hole for posting security camera footage of you on Instagram.”
“He is an a**hole for using the camera speakers to scold you for not responding to his texts.”
“He is an a**hole for using the camera to police when you do activities like shopping.” ~ agreywood
“NTA. This is just weird and creepy.”
“If he wants you to do more around the house, if he wants you to move out, if he wants you to… he should use his words like an adult.”
“Posting clips of you online from the indoor security cameras he monitors you with is extremely freaking weird behavior.” ~ Leek-Middle
“NTA. If he doesn’t get why this is invasive and creepy, he probably won’t be convinced that it’s invasive and creepy.”
“Time to find a different living situation.” ~ CaptainSneakers
“Uhhhh NTA.”
“That’s weird as f**k and super controlling.”
“It’s time to find a new place to live.”
“ETA: Paying rent or not, people still deserve not to be monitored 24/7.”
“It’s weird, even if OP is free-loading.”
“And if it’s a way for the homeowner to drive him out, the guy is still TA for not just growing up and saying something.”
“Texting somebody about their activities in the home is f**king WEIRD and inappropriate, regardless of what somebody is or isn’t paying.”
“And it’s EXTRA inappropriate (and possibly illegal depending on local laws) to post it online.”
“OP is NTA.”
“Not paying rent doesn’t mean he should be treated any way and dealt with it.” ~ SnooChipmunks770
“NTA, but you need a new living situation.”
“This one is not going to improve.” ~ ChickenCasagrande
“NTA. You are entitled to privacy while you are living there, even if you don’t own the home.”
“Whether you’re a tenant, a houseguest, or a partner, you deserve not to be micromanaged remotely by a ‘friend.'”
“He says they are harmless, but they are harming YOU.”
“I know it’s tough because you don’t have income, but you may have to explore a different living situation.” ~ diduknowtrex
“Oh wow, I was so prepared to be against you based on the title and first few paragraphs — but nope, NTA.”
“I mean, yes, he has the right to do what he wants in his home, especially if you’re not paying rent, and the solution if you don’t like it is to move.”
“But that doesn’t change the fact that this is incredibly creepy, invasive, weird, and assholish behavior.”
“It would be a dealbreaker for me, and I would move.” ~ ConflictGullible392
“NTA My take is that after several years, he is getting annoyed when you don’t do your part on time, he’s getting fed up with it, and wants a way to bug you in the moment to get things done.”
“I sense he is feeling taken for granted.”
“Be more prompt and vigilant about doing your part and see if this lightens up re the cams.”
“If not, have a heart-to-heart convo about expectations.”
“You’ve been living there since age 21 without paying anything.”
“That’s a big help when you’re studying, but to keep the peace, you’ve got to be consistent with your part.”
“That said, the indoor cams are obnoxious, and I think this is more from irritation than watching the dog’s antics.” ~ TigerWalkingThru
Reddit has your back, OP.
This is an outrageous breach of your privacy and your security.
Reddit had a lot of good options.
It may be time to look for another place to live.
This has to be illegal as well.
Good Luck.