Owning your own business is a dream for a lot of people. But it can bring a lot of problems that working for someone else doesn’t.
Family wanting freebies is one such issue.
A business owner turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback after saying no to a family freebie.
Crazy_Ad2921 asked:
“AITA for refusing to give my brother-in-law a free massage even though I own a massage studio?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“So I basically run my own little massage therapy business. I rent a comfy studio, have regular clients, and honestly I work really hard to keep the business moving . It’s my full-time job, not just a side hustle, and it pays my bills.”
“This weekend, my sister and her husband came over for dinner. At some point, my brother-in-law (BIL) casually asked , ‘Man, I’ve been so sore lately. Can you just give me a quick massage while we’re here?’.”
“I kind of laughed it off and said, ‘that’s what I do all week, you can book a session with me if you want though!’.”
“He looked offended and said he thought family should get freebies. My sister chimed in and said, ‘Yeah, come on, you can’t just do a 20 minutes back rub for him? It won’t cost you anything’.”
“I told them it does costs me time, energy, and the skills I spent years training for. If I start giving away free massages every time someone in the family feels sore, I’d basically be working for free half the time.”
“They got kind of grumpy about it and said I was being stingy, that it’s just a massage and I ‘should want to help family’.”
“Now I’m feeling weird because I don’t want to be selfish, but I also don’t think it’s fair to expect me to work for free just because I own the business.”
“AITA for not giving my BIL a free massage?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I refused to give my brother-in-law a free massage, even though I’m a licensed massage therapist who owns a studio.”
“I might be the a**hole because he and my sister felt like I was being stingy and unhelpful by not offering my professional skills to family, especially since they saw it as something simple that wouldn’t really cost me anything.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. BIL can ‘help family’ by paying family members for services provided.” ~ stiggley
“If only he were married. Then his wife could give him a massage.” ~ ReadMeDrMemory
“Yeah, I’m not asking my sibling to massage my husband even if they are licensed. Weird.” ~ apothekryptic
“He wants the massage after she hosted dinner for them. They’re kind of jerks, and cheapskates too.” ~ YesterdaySimilar2069
“Yep, my sister is currently doing some work for me. It’s work she does within her business, and it helps me with my fledging business because I don’t have the contacts and skills she does (mine is not in competition, but uses a lot of the same kind of stuff).”
“I’ve told her to bill me. I’m visiting her in her town next week to use some of her equipment. I told them I want to take them out to dinner. I’m also planning a voucher from their favourite restaurant.”
“Plus there will probably be a couple of other small things I think they’ll like.”
“She’s using her time for me. I appreciate it.” ~ regus0307
“Real family and friends don’t ask for a discount! They pay full price and acknowledge the value of your time and hard work. NTA.” ~ nolan358
“And if I am given a discount by a friend or family member, I am sure to tip generously. Usually enough to make up the difference so they can pocket the cash.” ~ apothekryptic
“Yep. My brother has a realtor license. He has found my daughter a home and sold mine.”
“He was geeked to help because he really hadn’t made a career of realty and wanted to keep his skills fresh.”
“He didn’t ask for a commission, but got an unexpected fat envelope of cash from each of us when we closed on our houses.” ~ Mental-Coconut-7854
“And he asked in a social situation. He wants OP to take time out of her wind down, social time to provide him a free service.”
“This isn’t a five-minute ‘whats the best approach for this’? It’s the difference between me, a former librarian, being asked for a recommendation for their kid versus being asked to do their book report.” ~ scarlettslegacy
“Exactly! I worked with a guy years ago who had been a plumber before he switched careers and worked with me. I was doing a bathroom remodel and asked him if he’d be available to upgrade the shower by installing an anti-scald valve and upgraded fixtures.”
“He did an excellent job and when I asked how much I owed, he gave me some ridiculously low figure. I explained to him that I didn’t ask him to do the job to get a discount.”
“I asked him to do the job because he was known for his skill and expertise. I ended up paying him about double what he initially asked and included a generous tip.” ~ Critical-Test-4446
“This right here. My best friend has her massage license. Whenever I go back home to visit family. She always offers a free massage.”
“She refuses money, so I end up ‘getting a deal’ on Penguin tickets, or I buy a crap ton of things for her Cricut. Now that she has kids going into high school I’m sure we will just trade me tutoring in science for massages.” ~ otakuleprechaun
“Doesn’t just go for family. It goes for friends, too.”
“I love baking. It’s a passion of mine that I did a culinary and pastry arts program in high school. I loved baking so much that I didn’t want to get burnt out by it, so I just do it on the side as a hobby.”
“Always fun when people just expect me to do cakes, cookies, cupcakes, brownies, etc, for free for their functions. OP is NTA.” ~ JunpeiIori91
“Or even people who aren’t friends. I love to bake, but it’s just a hobby. Last year when I was team manager for my son’s team, I would bake something for the boys after the game each week, and if we had leftovers, the parents were welcome to try.”
“My son is now a senior and I don’t manage his team. I still take baking and share with certain friends of mine there. One of the parents from last year sometimes comes running over if she sees I’ve got it out, thinking I’m still happy to share with all and sundry.”
“I am sharing with people who are actually my friends. She is not a friend, just someone I know. It really irritates me.” ~ regus0307
“This reminds me of an organization I was part of. I would always try to volunteer if they needed some baked goods for an event or whatever, working it into my calendar and making sure I had time to get it all handled and dropped off.”
“Until I showed up for a meeting one time and found out the director had volunteered me to make TWELVE DOZEN cookies (‘oh, and they want a variety!’) for an event the very next week, right in the middle of the workweek. Shockingly, I volunteered to bake much less after that.” ~ AnafromtheEastCoast
“Yes, family should never expect freebies! My older sister is an award winning pastry chef. I have a science degree.”
“She refuses to let me pay for her food (I even try and go in when she’s not there, but the staff won’t let me pay either). I tutor my niblings for free.”
“My younger sister is a lawyer. She helped with my divorce (as much as she could legally) and her kiddos have sleep overs with me a lot so she gets some down time (single mum and she won’t use daycare or babysitters due to her past experiences).”
“We help each other out, nothing is expected, and everyone helps.” ~ The_Boots_of_Truth
“NTA. They can f*ck right off with that. I’m a hair stylist and I don’t work for free either.” ~ Vegetable_Pea_870
“You are not the a**hole. They are. Do they ask their accountant cousin to do their taxes for free? Their painter uncle to paint their house for free?” ~ DefiantRadish1492
“Throughout your life you will run into all sorts of people who believe that they are entitled to something of yours, just because you have it and they think they deserve it.”
“That doesn’t mean they’re actually entitled to it. They’re just trying to rationalize why it’s okay for them to demand and manipulate the situation, trying to get you to feel that fictional ‘obligation’ and give in.” ~ oliviamrow
“The whole stingy comment is hilarious, when they’re stingy themselves expecting to have things for free because family. If they’re not the stingy ones, go pay for massages! You’re allowed to say ‘no’. Simple as that.” ~ Melodic_Melodic
As the saying goes, no is a complete sentence.