Woman Called 'Harsh' For Bluntly Telling Male Friend Why She Would Never Date Him

The plot of a lot of romance films and books includes the friend who's been there all along winning the girl/guy in the end, after a love declaration from the friend leads the object of their desire to break up with their current significant other.

But in real life, being someone's friend doesn't entitle you to being their romantic partner. And when reality smacks into fantasy, it can get messy.

A woman turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subReddit for feedback after a friend's profession of his feelings.

Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.

Bestiez_ asked:

"I told my friend why I don't want to date him, and our friends are saying I broke him, AITAH?"

The original poster (OP) explained:

"So my friend of ten years Mark (23, male, not real name) called me yesterday to meet him for lunch and said that he had something important to discuss with me. I (21, female) had free time, so I agreed."

"I met him, already there, and joined him. We had lunch, then we talked a bit about random things."

"Then he cleared his throat and started speaking.... He first told me that 'he didn't understand why I was dating my now boyfriend when he's a better match for me'. I asked him to explain."

"And he basically went on about how he liked me first and he met me first, he's more good looking, knows me better, he's taller than my boyfriend and more successful. Which is not true in a way. My boyfriend works, aside from growing up In wealth, while Mark's entire life is funded by his parent's money."

"He told me he doesn't understand how I can be with him, when he's always been around waiting for me. I was out of words and asked him if he wanted me to be honest. To which he said yes."

"I told him that I would never want to date him given how I've seen the way he treated his past girlfriends. He ghosts them when he feels like it and just expects them to be there waiting."

"I told him he's too immature and irresponsible for me and that dating him would be exhausting. I also explained that the reasons I mentioned was why, over time, I started putting a distance to our friendship, because I didn't like the way he treated the women in his life."

"When I was done, he was just quiet, he just excused himself and left. I went home and went about my day..."

"Later in the evening, our other friends started asking what I did Mark and that he's been a wreck since he met me for lunch, he's drinking and not telling anyone what happened."

"I explained to them what happened and they are saying I was harsh. And that I broke him, blah, blah, blah. But I think someone had to tell him the truth...."

"So, Reddit fam, am I the AH????"

The OP later added:

"He's the typical rich boy who thinks we should all bow down to him, but if we are to remove his parent's money, then he's got nothing to his name."

"Very narcissistic, he makes everything about him and always wants to one up his friends...."

"I've honestly been thinking about our entire friendship. We went to the same primary school, that's how we have mutual friends and all."

"All this time, I thought I had a great friend until I started noticing his relationships with women and this just solidified my decision to leave our friend group."

Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• NAH - No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided the OP was not in the wrong (NTA).

"NTA, even if you had kinda liked him, I feel like declaring his feelings by being rude about your current partner is such a turnoff."

"He doesn't say anything meaningful or romantic about you, just that he thinks he's better than your actual bf so you should dare him instead. So entitled." ~ kathryn_sedai

"And all his 'bragging' about himself is superficial, shallow stuff. OP is right, he's too immature and self-centered. It sounds like he's never had to earn anything for himself."

"How did he think this would go, she would say, 'Gee you're right! How could I be so foolish?' Then he could tell her she still had to earn his love. Blech! Just.....gross." ~ Xylorgos

"I find it disgusting that she thought she had a friend, while he was just 'waiting'. Laying in wait, more like." ~ Astyryx

"It's the waiting part that's a huge red flag. If I even thought I developed feelings for a friend, I would let them know to get ahead of it and see how they felt."

"But waiting 10 years and pulling the 'I knew you first'? That makes you sound like a possession, not a person he wants to grow with."

"Not to mention the fact you have boyfriend and he waits until then to tell you? Seriously I think people think Hallmark Christmas rom-coms are documentaries." ~ Final_Candidate_7603

"Yep. He f*ckzoned her, then gaslighted her into thinking he was a friend." ~ BBCGiveCT

"Yes, this is a huge detail right here! OP's gonna realize that he was never her 'friend' and that he was just being nice because he wanted to be with her.

"Once you realize that as a woman, your whole perspective changes as you question all the male 'friends' you've ever had. OP's amazing for how she straight up told her 'friend'." ~ Hooligan-Hobgoblin

"You didn't break him. His ego is just bruised. Rejection is a part of life and it's on him to learn from it. NTA."

"P.S. He did ask you to be honest, and you gave him exactly that." ~ TopAmphibian7220

"It's the 'I met you first' comment for me. So does that mean my mom's OBGYN has dibs on me? Get out of here with that bullsh*t." ~ SuperDuperGoose

The OP provided two updates, first posting:

"I'm so overwhelmed by the comments In a good way, Most are really funny. I've been laughing so much I woke my sister's baby. I've sent my post to my friend (not associated with Mark) and our group chat is blowing up with more laughter."

"But in all seriousness, I'm thankful for the great comments and people giving advice on my safety, I'll definitely be more aware of my surroundings going forward. I don't know Mark as a violent person but then again this incident has proved that I may not know him like I think I do."

"Mark is currently blocked from everything, our mutual friends who were supporting him and calling me out are also blocked. I'm definitely dropping him and the people supporting him."

"And this is also a learning lesson to me, to distance myself a lot more quicker next time I see red flags in future friendships."

Then OP posted:

"So a couple things have happened. After some people mentioned things on my safety I took it to heart and told my sister and her husband (I live with them for now) the issue."

"Of course it was also just in case my ex-friends were to stop by the house since they would do that sometimes. Since there's a baby at our house (my sister's baby) they thought having cameras was not a bad idea, for everyone's safety."

"And I told my boyfriend as well, since some of you were worried about his safety too. He's a fit guy and has security at his house, so he'll be alright."

"On Friday, I went to a birthday party with my boyfriend, for one of his friends, and everything was going well until I saw one of Mark's sidekicks. Let's call him Ben. I pass him without saying anything and he just looks at me. I notify my boyfriend that he's there, and we decide to not let him bother us."

"An hour later I saw Mark, talking to the birthday girl—not surprised they know each other honestly. Most of us went to the same primary school and stayed connected through the years."

"Then he made his way over to us, smiling like nothing happened. He went straight to my boyfriend and extended his hand, 'I'm Mark, you remember me right and you must be the boyfriend,' he says. My boyfriend shook his hand, being polite of course."

"He then told him in his most annoying voice 'can I borrow her for a sec, I just want to talk'. I immediately shut him down and told him to leave us alone. He didn't. He persisted for a full minute and when my boyfriend told him to leave, he just goes on and tried to take my hand by force."

"My boyfriend being already annoyed by the whole issue, slaps the arrogance out of him. He tries to fight back, but my boyfriend punches him in his face. The security people were called and took him out, shouting, and we left after explaining the whole thing to the birthday girl."

"Mark wasn't even invited—the birthday girl was just being polite when he showed up after Ben told him I was there. Ben needs to grow a spine and stop being a puppet."

"My boyfriend dropped me off at home and he left immediately. He's still sad about me witnessing that side of him, but I've assured him that I'm not bothered. Mark crossed so many lines."

"The next day, that is Saturday, a video was sent to me, a video of Mark being taken away by the security and people laughing... I guess somebody was filming. The person who sent it is one of Mark's ex girlfriends. Her message was 'served him right'."

"So yeah, that's where we are now.... It has been quiet since yesterday, but knowing Mark, he'll definitely pull something on my boyfriend. My boyfriend is not one to resort to violence, but Mark had it coming. Honestly, if it wasn't him, someone else would have done it."

One Redditor responded:

"This guy is crazy. He must have thought you didn't tell your boyfriend when he thought he could 'borrow you'. And it just shows that he has zero respect for women, by thinking he could grab you and make you go with him."

"He needs to look at himself and take your previous words to heart and maybe get some therapy."

Hopefully Mark does get the wake up call and seeks help for his problems.

But the most important thing he can do is leave OP,  her family, and her boyfriend alone.