Housing shortages are being reported in many places around the globe.
While the crisis is usually about affordable housing in desirable locations, not a lack of buildings, people are sacrificing their wants and needs for what's available that they can afford.
A Redditor with some spelling and grammar challenges turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback after finding out their daily habits were causing issues for their neighbors.
Additional-Mouse-620 asked:
"AITA for showering around midnight when I know that it might bother the neighbour who wakes up at 5 am?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"We purchased a home and moved in recently. Housing opportunities are tight in our area so even though we were warned that the walls are very thin and the neighbours hear a lot of noise from the apartment, especially from the bathroom, we still chose this property because everything else is picture perfect for us."
"We are generally a very quite couple without kids or animals, our hobbies (bead work, video games on headphones without streaming, reading, Netflix…) are generally quite and we only invite friends over every 2-4 weeks (and we haven’t invited anyone over as we were still decorating and everything). We are the owners of the apartment."
"The neighbours are a couple and a small kid."
"They rent the apartment next to us and before we purchased the home they warned us that they generally hear a lot of noise coming from our bathroom and that it’s their bedroom on the other side. But as I mentioned, our options were limited and given that we are not noisy at all, we thought we can take this situation."
"We sometimes hear their toddler, but that completely okay, it doesn’t bother us at all."
"The problem is that we bother them as our routine is very different. They wake up at 5 am and generally quite down at 8 pm, when the kid goes to sleep."
"On the other hand, because I work from home until 7 pm, I generally start my evening around 8 pm and only end up showering around midnight. Which bothers them."
"The whole building is quiet, so they tend to hear how I put my stuff down, how the water runs, how I sometimes drop a few things, and mentioned it very nicely a few times. But I can see that they are pretty annoyed."
"Now I’m torn between switching up my whole nighttime routine to shower first (which just doesn’t sit right with me. I like to go bed freshly showered), because they asked nicely and they wake up around 5 am so it must be annoying to get woken up at midnight."
"On the other hand, they only rent wile we own the home, and I think we are generally very good and quite neighbours apart from the fact that I shower late."
"They invited us over the listen to the volume as to be honest the water running is not that loud… sure, you can hear something and it must feel louder in the silence of the night, but it’s not incredibly loud."
"I am a bit nervous while showering, trying to not make a lot of noise. And at the end I end up knocking stuff down just because how nervous I am while putting stuff done. I am talking about my face cream (plastic container) ending up in the shower basin, or knocking my shower gel down 20 cm."
"AITA for showering at night?"
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
"I am showering after midnight and it bothers the neighbours because they wake up early."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was the a**hole (YTA).
"YTA. I think you could compromise with your neighbours and shower a little earlier, even at 10 or 11. Or shower in the morning."
"Then you continuously bring up, 'On the other hand, they only rent wile we own the home...'."
"Are you seriously suggesting they can just move because you don't want to shower earlier than midnight? After saying you only bouglht the place because housing is hard to find?" ~ somuchsong
"YTA for caring that they rent vs own. You mention it 4-5 times in your post. Would you behave differently if they owned their home? If you would YTA." ~ Trekunderthemoon
"My neighbor is like this. He expects us to do things he won't because we rent and he owns. Like we need to 'be respectful' but I once asked him to move his garden hose one foot to the left so we could access the trashcan (we shared a driveway, ugh) and he literally went on a tirade about owning the house so he didn't have to do anything."
"I waited until he was done, and said, 'You don't have to do anything, but I cannot imagine choosing not doing something so minute to be a better, kinder neighbor'."
"So I started knocking the hose bucket over that was parked in the way every time with the trashcan because I am a petty a**hole. He eventually moved it. YTA for being that person, OP." ~ sylvanwhisper
"Yeah, that line stood out to me, especially as a poor person who can only afford to rent and will never be rich enough to own, it kinda stings when you hear people pointing out that somehow this makes you matter less." ~ hamigakiko
"YTA solely for assuming you have greater entitlement to comfort/convenience on the basis of being an owner rather than a renter - they're just as entitled to peaceful enjoyment of their premises as you are. You know that the showers disturb them, and this bothers you enough to post about it."
"As you point out, you could change the time you shower. If you don't want to change these times, as an owner, you're entitled to do more about this than your neighbour is in terms of modifications to your property, i.e., investigating whether you can add any soundproofing, use a different showerhead, etc..."
"That said, on the spectrum of nuisances you could create, showers aren't that bad. There's a fair chance that they'll get used to it if this is a part of your routine. On the spectrum of a**holes who post here, it's a pretty minor one." ~ JackColquitt68
"I don't think you're an A for having a shower late at night, but for the sound of setting something down to travel through a wall suggests maybe you are not being as quiet about it as you think you are. You also mention dropping things with what sounds like some regularity."
"I don't mind when I hear my neighbour running the water and extractor for his quick night time shower. I think I might start getting annoyed if he was banging and clattering about while he was at it."
"I am sympathetic to your situation, and I don't think taking a late shower is inherently an AH move, but you are creating a nuisance for your neighbours, especially with the additional noises like knocking things down, which can be really loud sudden sounds at night. This does sound a bit like banging and clattering, even if it is not intentional or malicious."
"If you really want to keep up with the late night showers, perhaps there are things you can do to minimise the noise, such as doing your skincare in your bedroom and arranging your products more safely and being more careful about dropping things in the shower."
"I used to have a problem with accidentally dropping my phone a lot when I was grabbing it from my nightstand. I realised that doing this at night was a total asshole move to my downstairs neighbour and so put some concerted effort into being more careful with it. It's extra effort but it's worth it to not be an inconsiderate neighbour."
"I think I'm somewhere around NAH for my judgment, but with the caveat that you do need to do more to reduce your noise." ~ WaterDreamer12
"Look at it this way. If your neighbor was doing something that woke you up every night 3-4 hours after you went to sleep, how would you feel? Would you want (not expect) them to take your need for sleep into consideration, or would you want them to say 'too bad, so sad, my house, etc...'."
"Yes, you CAN shower whenever you want. You’re not TA for wanting to use your shower as you see fit. However, you’re kind of TA for knowingly waking someone up in the middle of the night every night and not feeling any sort of compassion for that."
"Adjusting your schedule to 10 PM to help out a fellow human who’s probably already sleep deprived is a considerate thing to do. Kind of like giving a pregnant woman or someone with a cane a seat in a packed train."
"No, you don’t have to. You’re entitled to your space. But if you’re able-bodied (not disabled, pregnant, injured, coming off a long shift, etc), the kind thing to do is help that person out." ~ nevertalks123
"I think YTA unfortunately. People change routines all the time depending on their living situation, or for friends or loved ones. If you cared about these people, you would shower earlier for them. The question isn't if you can, the question is why you would. And clearly, you don't see a why, because you don't care."
"However, this is how neighbours build good relationships, and if you are going to be there for a long time, as you say you will be by pointing out that you own, not rent, it pays to build good relationships with all your neighbours."
"Goodwill travels far, further than money does. The day you get locked out, they might be the ones to help you get in. The day someone tries to burgle your apartment, they might be the ones that stop them from coming in." ~ Ivorysilkgreen
"YTA. I don't see the difference a shower a few hours earlier would have. It isn't even a mild inconvenience as it doesn't sound like you are doing any sort of working out or labor or anything like that between 7pm and midnight."
"And the fact that you are considering it and that the reasoning against it is that they rent makes you a bit of a double a**hole. 'Yeah I could be nice and shower a few hours earlier, but f*ck em, they are renters'."
"This is the problem with society, everyone doing whatever they want because they want it and saying f*ck you to everyone else. This is such a small, nothing change that you could make that would nearly change nothing for you, but help out your neighbors."
"Yeah OP, you can shower at midnight and tell the neighbors to f*ck off. You have that right. But this isn't 'am i in the legal right' this is 'am i the asshole'." ~ Iracus
OP got their answer.
Even if their neighbors are just renters, common courtesy shouldn't be determined by social status.
