in , ,

Guy Livid After Friends Invite Him To Pricey Dinner For His Birthday Then Stick Him With The Bill

man drinking beer and eating steak
puhhha/Getty Images

There’s an etiquette to who pays when people dine in a restaurant, but it’s not like they’re laws.

And the rules have changed over time.

In general, for mutually agreed upon gatherings, everyone pays their own bill.

If one person asks another person to go, usually the person doing the inviting pays, but the invited should ask and not assume.

If a group asks an individual to go for a celebration of that individual, either everyone pays their own bill or the group treats the person they invited.

In no etiquette rules, does the group doing the inviting run up a large tab with meals, alcohol, and appetizers, then make the person they invited pay for everything?

Unless you’re this guy’s friends.

After being left with a large restaurant bill on his birthday, he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.

Throwawayguy980421 asked:

“AITA for assuming my friends were paying for my birthday meal?”

The original poster (OP) explained:

“This happened a few days ago, and I have been conflicted ever since.”

“Before my birthday, five of my friends asked if I would like to get some food and drinks out for my birthday event. I said sure, where would we go? Mike said, ‘Anywhere you like’.”

“I suggested a nearby Steakhouse that I have been to in the past.”

“We all met each other there. Mike was quick to order himself a drink and started talking about appetizers. I said I don’t normally eat them, but I will try one.”

“We ordered our mains, and we all had ordered the steak and another round of drinks, at which point Adam also ordered a bottle of champagne.”

“I said you guys don’t need to get me Champagne. It’s only my birthday, nothing too special, when Mike said, ‘Lighten up, birthday boy, have some fun’.”

“I did think maybe I was being too uptight, and since I was being treated, it’s not too big of a problem. I may as well celebrate.”

“Mike started arguing with the table next to us because he said they threw a french fry at him. I tried to explain to him that they weren’t even eating french fries—he had them earlier and must have dropped one.”

“Then he stood up and started swearing at the table. There was a child at the table about three years old who looked absolutely shocked.

“I told Mike to sit down and he started pushing me saying ‘That man threw something at me’. The waiter came over and said there had been complaints against us.”

“Mike just silently drank his beer, and Adam started arguing with the waiter, saying the other table started it. The waiter said we needed to pay up and leave in the next few minutes before there was a problem.”

“I said, ‘Thanks guys, do you want me to help pay?’ at which point they all looked at me, and Adam said, ‘You’re the birthday man, right? You got money’.”

“I said, ‘I thought you were inviting me because it’s my birthday as a present’. Adam chuckled a bit and said, ‘Weren’t you the one that chose where we were going bud?’.”

“Adam got up to leave and said, ‘Let’s go, boys’. I started to worry.”

“I thought they were pranking me or something and said, ‘You can’t really go’. Then Adam started to walk away.”

“So I grabbed him a bit, and he looked at my hand and said, ‘Get your hand off me, pal.’ I just looked at him and said, ‘Why are you acting like this man?’ They walked out and left me with the bill.”

“I tried to explain to the waiter about the situation. He said, ‘Someone’s gotta pay, and your table was causing a lot of trouble tonight’.”

“I tried to apologize, but he just looked at me like I was dirt. So I just paid—it was most of my money.”

“I didn’t want to cause any more of a scene, and I was feeling like an a** to the waiter and the table next to us. I am friends with them because we used to work together.”

“I spoke to my friends after and they just acted like nothing happened. I said, ‘You guys need to pay me back,’ and I got several replies along the lines of It’s already over. Leave it alone.”

“So I haven’t spoken to them in a few days. I received a few messages asking me if ‘I am still crying’ or if ‘I grew up yet’.”

“I haven’t replied, and I want to know if I was wrong to assume that I wouldn’t be paying. The whole situation had me feeling weird.”

The OP summed up their conundrum.

“I may be the a**hole because I assumed I was being treated to a birthday meal without asking. I also suggested the place we ate at.”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors unanimously declared the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).

“Definitely, NTA, but also, those are not your friends. Sorry you had to deal with that on your birthday.”

“Take it as a learning experience and know you are wiser, kinder, and a better person than them. And block all of them, for sure.” ~ 10000noways

“Let me tell you how much NTA you are.”

“After my parents divorced and had nothing good to say about each other, my mother still held a grudge against one of my father’s friends who made my father pay for a meal on his own birthday.”

“You deserve better friends.” ~ sra19

“You’re friends with them. They aren’t friends with you. NTA.”

“Suggestion: don’t be friends anymore. They’re a**hats and only asked you out because they were planning on you paying for them.”

“You don’t need to respond to them; they’re total jerks who are trying to continue bullying you. If you’re not comfortable not responding, just tell them they should know what they did was a total dick move, and you don’t want to hang out.”

“They can cry/complain/insult you all they want. But who cares what they say? Block their numbers if they annoy you.” ~ LandPlatypus

“NTA. This was all planned, even down to the argument to get thrown out. These guys are not only not your friends, they are bullies and they don’t like you.”

“They don’t like you. They made fun of you. Sorry. Never speak to them again. Don’t make a fuss about the money, that was a lesson. Delete them from your life.” ~ Annual-Budget-8513

But OP has horrible taste in friends.

“These guys sound like silly children, so I would text their parents demanding repayment. With a complete explanation of how OP saved their idiot sons from being arrested (this time).”

“Block the little a**holes on everything. No friends are better than these losers. NTA.” ~ shelwood46

“You would be an a**hole to yourself if you kept in contact with these people.”

“They used you for a free meal. Their behaviour was appalling. They are not your friends.” ~ Maximum-Ear1745

“You were in a really tough spot. I can see why you just paid up. I would have done the same, just to not leave the server and the restaurant holding the bag.”

“Those guys were awful, and I can’t believe they expected you to foot the bill. NTA.”

“I would be very hurt and full-on furious with them for trying to make a fool of me and the butt of their ‘joke’ and would never have anything to do with them again.” ~ bluespruce5

“Beyond just how rude to everyone around them and disrespectful to you they were, this is the exact kind of people that eventually end up getting you into a situation where you get your a** kicked and/or someone, maybe including you, gets arrested because of some dumb sh*t they started.”

“As many others have said, these people don’t deserve to be your friends—they’re just a bunch of a**holes—you’re NTA.

“But if you continue to hang around these guys, other people are going to assume you’re an a**hole too, like that waiter did, and you will at some point end up in sh*t because of these jerkoffs.”

“You already did get into trouble because of these guys on your birthday. Who yells at a random kid in a restaurant?”

“Cut contact, join some local clubs, and make friends with some decent people.” ~ zoobrix

“You’re NTA , but your friends sure are.”

“They intended for you to pay from the beginning, then bumped up the bill, acted like loud bullies to the other guests, and are the a**holes.”

“If these are your good friends, you should consider another bunch.” ~ RebaKitt3n

“It sucks but whatever that dinner cost you is what it cost to get them out of your life. The value of your friendship was only worth the cost of one meal to them.”

“I wouldn’t give those people one second of my time. They aren’t worth another thought. I mean, what would have happened if you didn’t have the money to cover the entire bill and the restaurant called the police?”

“Would these guys have come to bail you out? I don’t know them, but I know the answer, and so do you. NTA.” ~ burnsalot603

“NTA, but those are not your friends. Time to move on and find new friends.”

“Friends don’t invite someone out on their birthday and stiff them with the bill.”

“Friends don’t invite someone out on their birthday and start a fight…” ~ My_friends_are_toys

“It sounds like these are some very unwell people who had every intention of just creating as much discomfort and misery as possible, with this being a chance to deliberately just go and f*ck with some people.”

“Most likely planned to go start sh*t for no reason, ditch OP, and then make fun of him after—exactly as they did. The garbage parents who raised these guys taught them to actively take pleasure in causing pain to others. Utterly tragic.”

“OP, you’re tougher and stronger than these losers. You did a very good thing for the restaurant and waiter by paying the bill—good for you on that.”

“Never talk to these guys again, and don’t let them in your head to mock you. They are the losers, not you. NTA.” ~ DrNicotine

It looks like the OP got at least one gift from his friends for his birthday.

He got to see their true colors.

Written by Amelia Mavis Christnot

Amelia Christnot is an Oglala Lakota, Kanien'kehá:ka Haudenosaunee and Metís Navy brat who settled in the wilds of Northern Maine. A member of the Indigenous Journalists Association, she considers herself another proud Maineiac.