Dealing with a partner’s ex can be very uncomfortable.
Even if they parted ways amicably, there can still be issues simmering.
All it takes is one potentially volatile confrontation to start and… KABOOM!
That’s why so many people tend to choose clean breaks.
Especially with children involved.
Case in point…
Redditor Glittering_Honey_649 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for Not Accepting an ‘Apology’ Gift That Seemed… Racist?
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My husband and I were at his family’s annual giant egg hunt.”
“We’re talking 300-400 people, friends, family, the works.”
“Nora, my husband’s ex, known for never missing a beat to mention her Irish heritage and for being, let’s just say, overly enthusiastic about giving kids Easter gifts.”
“This year, she gives my daughter, the only biracial child (I’m Black, my husband’s White), a monkey stuffed animal.”
“Meanwhile, every other kid is getting bunnies, ducks, chicks, you name it.”
“Except for one kid who got a monkey because he asked.”
“Everyone knows she always tries to play Santa Claus at Easter, but this felt off.”
“My husband, bless his soul, confronts Nora, asking why our daughter got the monkey.”
“Nora, wide-eyed, pulls the ‘You don’t think I’m racist, do you?’ act, even turning to me for the first time ever, looking for sympathy or validation, I guess.”
“I was like, ‘Why are you crying? You’re the one who gave my daughter a monkey.'”
“And in the midst of this, Nora has the audacity to tell me I should be grateful my daughter got anything at all.”
“That’s when I lost it. ‘If you actually cared about her, you wouldn’t have been so thoughtless with your gift choice.'”
“Nora then turns this into a sob story about how she can’t have children, calling us selfish, right in the middle of this drama.”
“My father-in-law, who’s usually the embodiment of chill, steps in and tells Nora she’s acting like a lunatic and needs to leave.”
“But Nora didn’t stop there.”
“She left, alright, but not before calling me every name under the sun as she’s escorted out by my husband and his dad.”
“She started screaming at me that I’m a terrible mother!”
“And basically, making a scene.”
“Later, she messaged my husband, trying to guilt-trip him about choosing me over her.”
“His response? ‘I definitely didn’t make a mistake marrying my wife.'”
“The next day, Nora launches a social media post claiming she’s the victim of a racist accusation.”
“She tried to paint herself as this angel who was just trying to give out cute gifts but was ‘yelled at and kicked out.'”
“She even started harassing me over Facebook Messenger, calling me names, to the point where I had to block her.”
“But the friend requests and strange messages kept coming.”
“Am I overreacting?”
“Maybe I came off as headstrong.”
“Also, she’s my husband’s ex-girlfriend from high school, and she and her parents went to church together.”
“And I know the title doesn’t really make sense 😅.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So, Reddit, AITA for standing my ground and refusing to accept what I saw as a racially insensitive gift?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. I mean, while I suppose MAYBE it didn’t mean anything (it probably did) I can absolutely see why you thought it did.”
“Her response REALLY didn’t help her case either.”
“She seems pretty unhinged.”
“Regarding accepting the gift though, if your daughter loved the monkey – even if the reasoning for her getting it was indeed racist – I would’ve let her keep it.”
“She’s a child, and we all know damn well, that – sadly – as she grows up she’ll likely experience way worse than a badly veiled putdown in the form of a stuffed monkey.” ~ Bethsoda
“One other did because they asked for one, according to the OP.”
“Regardless, it was an obviously racist statement towards the OP’s child.”
“If it weren’t, the giver’s reaction would have been one of contrition and embarrassment.”
“Not immediately leaping to the “I’m not a racist and how awful of you to think that of me.”
“She damn well knew what she was doing.” ~ Eckieflump
“NTA. Nora’s action definitely had racist vibes/intent, in my opinion. I would bet anything that she was using the excuse of another child asking for a monkey as a cover for her motives.”
“Come on – if only one kid wanted a monkey and every other kid got Easter-themed stuffed animals, Nora was absolutely sending a pretty clear message.”
“And then she tried to play innocent.”
“I don’t think anyone is buying her act.”
“It’s a pretty clear case of F A[round] and F[ind] O[ut].”
“Kudos to your hubby for calling her out.”
“Now he needs to tell his family not to invite her to events going forward.” ~ MerryMoose923
“The fact that her mind immediately jumped to what you took it as (fair enough) pretty much removes most of the doubt about it being shall we say accidentally insensitive.”
“I’d bet money that was purposeful to provoke a reaction that would allow her to play the victim.”
“If there had been genuine confusion it might have been someone being tone deaf (not ok! But at least the intent wouldn’t be malicious). NTA.”
“Glad nobody who matters actually seems to be buying this BS and good on your hubby for backing you.” ~ themastersdaughter66
“You don’t think I’m racist, do you?”
“That was the first thing out of her mouth? um, ok.”
“And then it all went downhill from there and just kept going. whether she really is racist or not, she went off the charts with her reaction.”
“She shouldn’t be treating you the way she’s treating you.”
“She clearly has no idea how to deal with whatever feelings she’s having.”
“Seems like shame is one of them. if she feels wronged, let’s have an adult conversation about it.”
“If she really wants to face the fact that she could, in fact, be racist, let’s talk about that.”
“If you felt that the gift was racially insensitive, she should be talking to you about it.”
“Obviously she needs external validation that she isn’t racist when instead she should be talking to you about how her gift made you feel.”
“NTA at all.” ~ AcadiaRealistic2090
“Yeah, I’d be pulling the plug on having her around after that.”
“She seems to still be quite grudgeful and is resorting to using passive-aggressive racism and false victimization to get her revenge.”
“And as someone who absolutely detests organized religion, I won’t go into that debacle.”
“I know my family still keeps one of my exes around as a farmhand so I see her regularly when I go back home for a weekend with my wife and son, but she and I broke up mutually, and we were teenagers.”
“I think about 15 years ago now.”
“Anyway, I really hope they keep her a bit more distance, or at least not around when y’all are visiting.”
“Best of luck, but no, you’re NTA.” ~ NachoManHammiSammich
“NTA. She wants what you have and is taking it out on you.”
“She was shocked that she literally holds no further place in your husband’s heart and she got hammered in the face by that fact.”
“When she didn’t get her way she started boohooing.”
“You were unbothered by her tears, your hubs were unbothered by her tears.”
“She gets nothing.”
“Good day, ma’am.” ~ mooreHart
“NTA. It’s the sheer number of kids who got bunnies, chicks, and ducks and 2 kids who got monkeys.”
“She went out of her way to get your kid a monkey.”
“The only way to play it and be non-racist is one monkey for that kid or an equal number of monkeys as chicks, bunnies, etc.”
“She was stupid about how she did it.”
“Monkeys are not traditional Easter animals.”
“She could have also gotten away with monkeys if there had been elephants and giraffes and the like.”
“She was just too stupid in what she did.”
“Further proving that racism is stupid.”
“What bey**ch targets a child.” ~ LhasaApsoSmile
“NTA. First of all, you used Bless his soul so I know you, like me are from down south, second that was racist as hell especially because your daughter didn’t ask for a monkey.”
“A monkey? Really? On Easter?”
“Some fools never get over themselves.”
“You ain’t got nothing to be ashamed of, nor were you insensitive.”
“That’s her projection.” ~ SOperdition
“NTA, why on earth is Nora at her ex-husband’s family events though?”
“It sounds like she doesn’t share any kids with him so why be there?”
“Back off Nora!” ~ tidy-soft-rope
“NTA That woman is crazy.”
“I’m so sorry you got caught in the crossfire of her antics.” ~ CoyoteRat
“NTA. If it was an honest mistake she should have acknowledged the optics and apologized instead of freaking out.”
“Glad to hear your husband had your back.” ~ HandrewJobert
“NTA, oh man.”
“She knew what she was doing and played the ‘victim’ card.”
“Poor kid, hope your little one could find some joy in the rest of her holiday.” ~ Brontolope11
OP responded…
“It really felt like a calculated move on her part, followed by a quick switch to playing the victim when called out.”
“It’s been a bit of a rollercoaster, but we’re focusing on making sure our little one still finds joy and happiness in these moments. “
“Her holiday wasn’t going to be spoiled by this incident, and we made sure of that.”
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
The intention of her “gift” aside, that sort of reaction is out of control.
She may need some therapy.
Glad to hear you and your family are not letting it bring down the joy.