Black Woman Scolded By Boyfriend's Mom For Refusing To Tip Waitress Due To Racist Comment

Tipping etiquette has long been a topic of conversation—especially at the end of a meal out—with many debating whether or not gratuity is necessary, given that wait staff make a livable wage without it.

Regardless of the service level, many still tip at least the societal minimum expectation of 15% for even a less-than-stellar experience. We like to think that many tip much more, but we also acknowledge that is likely not the case.

There are situations, however, that make us question even leaving that base-level 15%, but do we push aside our subpar experience and do what others consider to be the "right thing" by adding a little something to that second line...

or do we impart a life lesson in the form of a dash on the tip line of the check?

A woman on Reddit was scorned by her boyfriend's mother for not leaving a tip after she heard their waitress make racist comments about her, so she turned to the "Am I The A**hole Here" (AITAH) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.

Redditor IndependentFar8420 asked:

"AITAH for not tipping after overhearing what my waitress said about me?"

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

"I (30/F[emale]) was at a restaurant last night with my mother."

"She was meeting my boyfriend's mom for the first time."

"We're punctual people, so we arrived about 30 minutes before our reservation."

"We got seated with no issues."

"It took the waitress 20 minutes to get to our table even though the restaurant was pretty empty."

"Right away, I could tell that she didn't want to wait on us."

"She didn't greet us with a 'hello,' she just asked what we wanted to drink."

"We told her, and I noticed that she didn't write our order down."

"It took another 15 minutes for our drinks to get to our table, and they were wrong."

"It's hard to mess up a ginger ale and a vodka soda, but she did."

"My mom pointed out that she didn't order a Pepsi, and the waitress rolled her eyes, took my mother's glass, and disappeared."

"I excused myself to use the washroom shortly after."

"I had no idea where I was going, so I went to the entrance to ask one of the hostesses there."

"While I was walking up to the server area, I overheard my waitress talking to some other hostesses."

"She was pissed that she had to wait on 'a black table' because 'they' never tip well."

"My mother and I were the only black people in the restaurant."

"She wasn't even whispering when she said it either."

"I wasn't stunned, but her lack of effort started to make sense."

"I interrupted their conversation, and I asked where the bathroom was. I didn't let on that I had heard what they were talking about."

"When I got out of the bathroom, my boyfriend and his mom were already seated."

"My boyfriend and his mother are white."

"When my waitress saw the rest of our party, she did a 180."

"Her service was stellar. She took notes, told jokes, and our water glasses were always filled."

"She didn't make another mistake."

"Because the night went so well, I decided to treat everyone and pay the check."

"She gave me the machine, and I smiled at her while I keyed in '0%' for a tip."

"She didn't notice until after the receipt had been printed out."

"By that time, all of us had already started to leave."

"She tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I had made a mistake on the bill."

"I told her I didn't think so, and looked at the receipt."

"She asked if there was a problem with her service, and I said her service was fantastic, but since I was a black woman, I don't tip well."

"Her face went white, and she kind of laughed nervously, and I laughed as well."

"I walked out after that, but my boyfriend's mom asked what had happened."

"I told her what I had overheard, and my boyfriend's mom said that I should've tipped her anyway because it shows character."

"She seemed pretty pissed at me after that."

"My boyfriend and my mom are both on my side, but I'm wondering if I should've just thrown in a $2 tip?"

Redditors weighed in on the situation and overwhelmingly decided OP was not the a**hole (NTA).

"NTA. I worked as a server for six years, and I would absolutely not expect a tip for behaving like this to customers."

"She probably does not make much in tips, and this industry isn't for her."

"It's so inappropriate to ask people why they didn't tip you, this is so embarrassing." - ellaf21

"NTA. I definitely wouldn't have tipped after that."

"Even the waitress knew it was bad when she asked why, and you told her the reason."

"No way should someone tip after that." - Lmaooowit

"Honestly, she needs to learn that lesson the hard way - be kind to people, don't stereotype and discriminate, and don't talk badly behind people's backs."

"You're not TAH. She is TAH." - jeanabanina

"Nah, you pulled a discreet, classy power move on that racist, mate."

"I think you did it perfectly."

"WTH is bf's mother thinking trying to lecture you about it?"

"What would she know about it?" - Top_Airport6285

"NTA and I'm pretty pissed at the bf's mom who thought rewarding a racist would be a sign of character."

"Screams volumes about herself."

"Your response to the waitress was superb." - OceanBreeze_123

"NTA, a tip is for good service."

"I'd say she ruined your dining experience." - EzMowgli

"NTA. I used to be a waitress, and I'm white."

"I used to work with jerks like the waitress you had, and it's unacceptable." - nezrisa

"You gave her a tip."

"Don't be f**king racist." - slater3750

"NTA."

"If your BF and his mother weren't white, the bad service would have continued, and she needed a lesson in treating all patrons equally."

"Throwing her words back in her face was precisely what she needed to hear."

"Your BF's mother has clearly never encountered or had to think about casual racism before." - Front_Rip4064

"NTA - you could have gotten her fired, you could have embarrassed her publicly."

"You showed plenty of character and class." - Odd_Reindeer0251

"NTA. She's lucky you were generous and didn't get her fired."

"As a rule, I'm a '15% is the absolute minimum tip no matter how poor the service is,' but not in the case of blatant racism."

"Your bf's mother should be using her white privilege to stand against this behavior, not enable it. 🙄" - ScienceExtreme8202

Others said they would have even taken it a step further.

"Nah, no tip is fine."

"Actually, you should leave a negative review too, naming her, maybe ask for her boss."

"Thats racism." - 88eth

"NTA. This was perfect."

"You did not cause a scene yet made her perfectly aware of the consequences of her racism."

"This was an incredible teaching moment that hopefully made an impact on a diseased mind."

"I hope she felt a deep shame that will make her reflect and question herself."

"If it were me and I liked the restaurant, I'd ask for a different section and tip extra well the next time, lol." - OregonnoTrix

"Honestly, I would have spoken with management about the blatant racism."

"'No, I don't want the meal comped, and no, I'm not asking for anyone to be fired because I hope that she changes her views; however, also no I am never coming here again.'" - Steve-C2

"As a waiter of twenty-five years, I will say you were absolutely right not to have tipped."

"I would have asked to speak to the manager to explain why I didn't tip."

"(In my case, I have actually done this and told the manager that the "f****t" has no intention of tipping the waiter.)" - Clonbroney

"NTA. You kept it classy."

"I would have gone the extra mile and told the manager that she explicitly had made racist remarks."

"And of course, I would not have tipped." - False-Sky-3127

"Wouldn't be surprised if it turns out bf's mom has a tinge of racism herself."

"NTA, you put that racist POS in her place."

"Frankly, I would've gone above that and gone to the manager."

"She doesn't deserve a job at all" - Nice-Needleworker320

"I would put out a google review on the restaurant" - Azullover44

"Nta buy you did handle it wrong."

"The moment you heard what that waitress said, you should have immediately reported her to a supervisor and requested a new waitress."

"Then tip the new waitress very well."

"Double slap in the face to the first waitress."

"All you did is reiterate what the waitress said."

"You proved to her in her own mind that she was correct."

"Even though you told her that her original behavior and her talking badly about you was the cause, she likely gaslit herself into believing that she was right in her original assessment."

"Don't let disrespect fly for even a moment."

"Call them out immediately." - kmcDoesItBetter

According to her fellow Redditors, OP has absolutely nothing to feel bad about, and her boyfriend's mother needs to reassess her definition of "character."

Hopefully, OP's action taught the waitress a valuable lesson, too.