Some parents can’t let their kids grow up.
Once a child hits that certain age when it’s time to leave the nest, parents can’t help but still try to instill rules when said child visits home.
But adults are not always going to adhere to rules that they feel are arbitrary.
This situation doesn’t always go over very well…
Redditor After-Alfalfa5056 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for wearing an outfit my dad told me not to wear for dinner?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I went back home to my parents’ house for the holidays and had, for the most part, a relaxing time with family and old friends, except for an incident that is still bothering me.”
“For background, I have recently moved away from home for Uni, and this was my first time back since leaving.”
“My dad has always been strict and conservative, but when he told me to change into something more appropriate for dinner, I honestly did not expect that even from him.”
“I tried to push back and ask why my outfit was not appropriate for a dinner with family, but all I got back as a reason was that it is his house and his rules.”
“He never told me, but I think the real reason was my mid thigh skirt (I never had a skirt that short when living at home) and I told him how it is sexist to police women’s outfits and I think he was not being a good and considerate host to his guest (me) by being so strict so I was not going to change my outfit.”
“I think living by myself has made me more independent and less of a people pleaser than I used to be, and I am not ready to just do what he tells me to do anymore.”
“One awkward dinner later, my values are intact, but I can’t help but ask, is the length of my skirt really the hill I want the relationship with my dad to die on?”
Edit: Yes, my parents, MOM and DAD, both help me with rent, food, and stuff.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Ask yourself this: Is your skirt something your DAD wants to lose the relationship over because HE is the one with a problem.”
“’My house, my rules’ isn’t the end of the discussion.”
“You’re a guest in his house now, you don’t live there.”
“Would he ask a coworker’s wife to go home and change clothes? No.”
“His control over you is OVER. I am so glad you stood up for yourself.”
“Keep it up, NTA at all.”
“He’s falling into the same trap men are doing here in the US, and think they have rights over women just because they’re men.”
“Personally, I’m f**king done with that attitude, and every woman on earth should be scorching the ground right now.” ~ Used_Librarian_6728
“There’s idealism, and then there’s reality.”
“If he’s paying for your living expenses, then he’s paying for your clothes, including said skirt.”
“He is well within his rights to ask you NOT to wear it to one event.”
“Based on the fact that you were still included and paid for, despite your decision not to comply, is your dad handling the situation in a mature, adult way?”
“Your comments have made it clear you are only looking for responses that reaffirm your point of view and assuage your guilt.”
“Reddit does NOT have to live with your dad or maintain a relationship with him.”
“You DO need to ask yourself what hills are worth dying on.”
“If you had to ask, you already know this wasn’t the one to die on.” ~ runlikeitsdisney
“Yes, it is the hill.”
“Rock the boat.”
“Don’t walk on eggshells.”
“You are a grown adult woman.”
“He will not change, and you don’t have to mute yourself.”
“I would find a way to compromise if it bothers you, but in 2026, we aren’t bending for controlling behavior anymore. NTA.” ~ poomcatroom
“After years of debate and arguments, I finally realized, when my dad was in his 70s, that he was never going to change.”
“Then I chose to ignore, redirect, or not engage with his sometimes sexist, bigoted, and racist opinions.”
“The rest of him was fine.”
“I had him for another 20 years before he passed.” ~ Single_Exit6066
“NTA. As you said, you’re an adult and can wear whatever you want.”
“However, I don’t know how your dad is, but he can also choose to no longer support you financially, emotionally, or in any way (if he’s doing any of that) for going against his outdated views.”
“You’re not wrong, but depending on your relationship with him and his views on things, it may or may not be the hill to die on.” ~ squeeshka
“NTA – it’s not really about the skirt but rather supporting your own autonomy.”
“The skirt issue is probably just one example of a pattern of being controlling and possibly misogynistic.”
“You’re not wrong to want to empower yourself.”
“You will have to strategize if you are still reliant on your parents to any degree, though.” ~ LukaChu_theCat
“NTA. You rightfully stood up for yourself. “
“You are 100% right, men have absolutely zero business telling women what they should or shouldn’t be wearing.”
“You were comfortable, and that’s all that matters.” ~ fordag
“I don’t think this is the hill you want to die on.”
“You’re 18. I get it.”
“I’m 45 now, but was once an 18-year-old woman.”
“It is still his house, and you’re not really a guest.”
“That was also your house until a few months ago.”
“Your permanent address is likely not your university address.”
“Are you still going to live at your parents’ house during the summers?”
“Honestly, needing to wear a mini skirt for a family holiday dinner seems more like you wanted to start an issue.”
“You seem to have known he’d have a problem with it, so you wanted to wear it.”
“Of course, you should be able to wear what you want.”
“But, you could consider that your dad is still coming to terms with you being an adult and all that that means.”
“Being an adult isn’t about pushing boundaries and pushing your parents away.”
“It’s realizing you are your own person, but being purposefully disrespectful isn’t being an adult.”
“You don’t have to have a relationship with your parents.”
“You don’t have to do anything.”
“But, if you value your family more than your wardrobe, you might consider that you purposefully did something you knew he wouldn’t like so you could then ‘stand up’ for yourself.”
“A miniskirt at Christmas isn’t the hill I’d die on.”
“Now, if he started calling you a slut and telling you women should only go to college to find a husband, and you’re never going to find a good man dressing like that… that’s a hill to die on. “
“But, it sounds like he wasn’t acting like that.”
“It’s up to you.”
“Wear what you want.”
“But, it honestly sounds to me like you knew it would be an issue, did it anyway, and wanted the chance to show your independence.”
“In a couple of decades, you’ll see that’s not a mature behavior.”
“It’s understandable.”
“But, not the show of maturity and independence you think it is now.”
“You’re NTA, but you may just want to consider your priorities.”
“When you’re 30, you may wish you had a better relationship with your parents.”
“Or maybe not.”
“But, it’s just something to consider.” ~ ConsiderationFew7599
“NTA. You’re 18, not 13.”
“He can’t tell you what to wear.”
“He can tell you not to be in his house for any reason, including for the skirt – it’s his house – but that doesn’t preclude his reasons from being controlling a**hole ones.” ~ BroodingSonata
“NTA. If my kids show up wearing something I don’t like, I suck it up and keep my mouth shut.”
“They’re adults, and I’m the parent, I set the example for being a good parent/host, demonstrating grace and good manners, and focusing on the important thing, which is that they are there and we are spending time together.”
“So glad that I’m old enough to see men trying to control women for what it is and be done with that BS.” ~ PlentifulBox
“NTA, that was a pretty ridiculous demand from your father, who should be happy to see you.”
“This was a family dinner, not a gathering at a formal event.”
“If you enjoy going home, especially to see your mom or siblings, or if your parents are paying for your life at school and you would rather not rock the boat too much, just wear something else for dinner next time.”
“Save the cute skirt for going out.”
“He cannot be that old, but he sounds insufferable.”
“My much older than him husband never even considered policing what our kids wore around the house.” ~springflowers68
“You don’t have to die on this hill, but it’s one of the many that you will have the opportunity to die on if you don’t.”
“If you were to let that boundary be crossed once, it would happen again and again.”
“Even if you don’t think you were right, your father was most definitely wrong. NTA.” ~ upperdecker32
“NTA – If your dad wants to destroy his entire relationship with his daughter over an antiquated sexist remark, then he never cared about you to begin with, and it’s always been about power, respect, and control.”
“He can either accept you for the adult you are and get over himself or learn the hard way that actions and words have repercussions.”
“Parents, especially conservative parents, have a hard time accepting their children as individuals.” ~ FoncusedFistula
Reddit is with you, OP.
You are a grown woman.
Policing your clothes is not okay.
Your dad needs to realize you are your own person.
Keep being you.