Some people dream of becoming parents at a very young age.
Unfortunately, it’s not a dream that comes true for everyone.
As becoming a parent is more challenging than many people realize, sometimes owing to monetary issues, other times to science.
Conversely, some people who didn’t have becoming a parent as part of their plans find themselves becoming parents when they least expect it.
The sister-in-law (SIL) of Redditor AlarmingTap1774throw was determined to become a mother.
When the big day finally arrived, she naturally wanted a baby shower.
Unfortunately, the original poster (OP) had no intention of attending her baby shower.
Nor did almost anyone else on the OP’s side of the family.
Concerned she might not be doing the right thing, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to go to my SIL Baby shower and the rest of the family is following?”
The OP explained why she, and the rest of her family, were planning on boycotting her SIL’s baby shower:
“This started soon after my brother married Ruby.”
“At the time, everyone seemed to really like her, and my older sister and I were part of her bridal party.”
“Her wedding was around 5 years ago.”
“Soon they were talking about trying to have kids, and they were struggling with infertility issues.”
“Ruby was quite upset, but it got a lot worse when my older sister ( she was 26 at the time) got pregnant.”
“Ruby was snappish and mean to my oldest sister, and people tried to be very mindful since she was struggling.”
“When the baby was born, Rudy didn’t send anything.”
“I got pregnant my senior year of college, it was an oops baby, and I only told my mom because I was unsure what to do.”
“I was a heavy drinker at family events, and when I wasn’t drinking, my grandma joked I must be pregnant, and my face gave it away.”
“That is how it came out, I didnt plan to tell the family like that.”
“Ruby ( in short) lost her sh*t at me.”
“She yelled at me about how I don’t deserve a kid and called me a lot of names.”
“My mom tried to make her stop but she yelled at her also, and told my mom she deserved the still birth she had.”
“The whole thing was horrible.”
“When I gave birth, and I posted pictures online, she made a post saying some people don’t deserve kids.”
“She has not apologized.”
“The issue, Ruby is pregnant, and she is having her baby shower.”
“All the women in the family got an invite.”
“I talked to my mom about it and decided not to go.”
“My mom is also not going and everyone seems to be following my lead on this.”
“We all RSVPed no and my brother called me asking me to come.”
‘I told him no and it started an argument.”
“He says his wife has been crying about being hated by the family and wants everyone to make up.”
“I told him that isn’t my problem and this is her fault.”
“He wants me to suck it up and come still and has texted me multiple times about it.”
“I know if I don’t go, no one else will, especially since my mother hates Ruby after that argument.”
“Because people asked, no, we probably won’t have a relationship with the baby if nothing changes.”
“I already don’t allow my kid near her, I have a strict if you are d*ck to me you don’t have access to my kids (sister has the same).”
“Mom probably will not be a grandparent to the child either; she will not put up with someone she hates to have access to a kid ( she is not that type of person).”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for boycotting her SIL’s baby shower.
Everyone agreed that the OP and her family skipping her SIL’s baby shower owing to her past behavior was the absolutely right thing to do, agreeing that if the OP’s SIL wanted to make amends, it was on her to get that started:
“NTA.”
“She’s got more problems than infertility.”
“A baby is not a quick fix for a sh*tty person.”
“I dealt with infertility for 10 years and never made it someone else’s problem.”
“People who do that are self-absorbed aholes and a baby doesn’t magically make that go away.”
“Good for you and your family.”- mikesbabymomma81
“She told your mom she deserved a stillbirth and said you didn’t deserve your child.”
“She can cry about family support all she wants, but you don’t owe her your presence.”
“NTA.”- Upset-Law3802
“NTA.”
“What did your brother get for you and your sister when your babies were born?”
“He doesn’t get a free pass because of his gender.”
“His wife treated both of you awfully, and never apologized or made amends.”- dncrmom
“‘Told my mom she deserved the still birth she had’.”
“Oh yeah, there’s no coming back from that.”
“SIL can’t say sh*t like that and then expect everything to be hunky dory now that she’s getting her own kid.”
“NTA.”- Select-Anxiety-1557
“NTA.”
“The time for sucking it up is over.”
“If your SIL wants to not be hated by the rest of the family, then she needs to start by acknowledging that she has been hateful towards them, and she needs to apologize – individually – to everyone that she has acted badly towards.”
“She can start by apologizing to your mom for saying that she deserved the death of her baby (her own husband’s sibling!)”
“And then she can apologize to you and your sister for saying that you didn’t deserve children.”
“And then she can work her way through the rest of your family, because I’ve no doubt she’s said horrible thing to others, too.”
“And then she and your brother need to accept that remorse and forgiveness isn’t a magic wand that fixes everything instantaneously, but a process of patiently rebuilding broken trust.”
“And that reconciliation may not come in time to save her baby shower, because life isn’t perfect like the movies – and that is the natural consequence of her own prolonged hostility and not anyone else’s fault.”- Normal-Height-8577
“The cheek.”
“’None of you deserved your babies, now come celebrate mine’.”
“GTFO with that.”
“NTA.”- Repulsive_Location
“NTA.”
“It’s not about revenge.”
“It’s about a refusal to keep the company of someone who has demonstrated themselves to be venomously spiteful when they don’t get their way.”- Flaky-Gap7899
“NTA.”
“While I’m sure infertility issues are stressful and emotional, Ruby went way too far in her treatment of your family.”
“She is now going to learn the consequences of her actions and harsh words.”
“Do not go.”
“Tell your brother that it is RUBY who is to blame for your family choosing not to attend, and she has not yet earned any sort of forgiveness/acceptance because she has yet to show any remorse or atonement for her actions.”- wanderingstorm
“NTA whatsoever.”
“I think it’s really great that your family has followed suit, and shows both how principled you all are but also how much she has clearly hurt you all as a family.”- Adventurous-Jello377
“If my SIL or DIL had made any of those remarks to me, she’d be dead to me.”
“Those remarks are unforgivable IMO.”
“NTA.”- Leading-Knowledge712
“‘Have the baby shower you deserve’.”
“NTA.”- makethatnoise
“NTA.”
“Some of the best advice I’ve ever read is that as an adult I can make my own choices and if I don’t want to do something I don’t need to do it, there doesn’t even need to be a reason why.”-burntch1ckenugget
“If anyone needs to make amends and put in effort to start reconciliation, it’s Ruby.”
“Not you or anyone else.”
“NTA.”- Gargantuan_Plant
“NTA.”
“I wonder if your brother said anything to his wife after what she said about you, your sister, and your mom?”
“I highly doubt that he told her that was out of line.”
“He shouldn’t be trying to smooth things over.”
“If she actually cared, each of you would be getting a personal phone call of apology from her.”
“She is the one who was atrocious.”
“Keep your distance from her.”
“Don’t go to the shower unless and until she personally apologizes to each of you.”
“Tell your brother if he keeps pushing it with you, you will block him.”- Leviosapatronis
Being hated by an entire family is certainly a horrible place to be, and it’s nice that the OP’s SIL wants everyone to make up.
However, it’s hard to believe that the OP’s SIL is unaware of why the OP’s entire family hates her.
And as the OP so aptly put it, if she wants everyone to make up, then she needs to be the one to begin the process.