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Woman Fed Up After Boyfriend Keeps Putting Her Belongings In His Son’s Room While Cleaning

woman looking behind couch
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Cohabitation is a lot of give and take, but what happens when you’ve taken all you can of your domestic partners habits?

A woman turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback on her reaction to her boyfriend’s annoying personal habit.

According-Okra-137 asked:

“AITA for telling my boyfriend to stop putting my things in his son’s room?”

The original poster (OP) explained:

“My boyfriend (30, male) and I (25, female) have been together for 3+ years, living together for 2. He has a 13-year-old son—had him when he was very young. He is at our house Friday night-Monday morning.”

“Since we’ve moved in together, there has been an ongoing issue that my things end up in his son’s room, especially if he’s cleaning or moving stuff around.”

“Last week, I came home from work and realized my PS5 was missing the HDMI cord. Son’s room. Disconnected and on the floor. Because son was using it earlier and just unplugged it instead of putting it back.”

“Which, he’s 13 and in his own world. My boyfriend let him borrow it, so he should have put it back when son was done.”

“Side note, I had bought his son a couple of cords so my BF would stop taking mine for him to use. No idea what happened to them.”

The other day, I was looking for my dogs combing supplies. She has her own cabinet of ‘dog stuff’.”

“They somehow ended up in his son’s room. He said he was reorganizing the cabinet and took some things out, and he must have moved the comb in the process.”

“Today, my boyfriend was taking a nap and I was going to go to the gym. I could not find my headphones. They are usually in my gym bag, but I had taken them out to charge earlier today.”

“I looked in his son’s room, but did not see them, so I looked elsewhere but could not find them.”

“When my boyfriend woke up, I asked him where my headphones were. He went into his son’s room and said he put them in his closet by accident, while cleaning around the house. His headphones were also in the closet.”

“I honestly lost it. I told him I am so tired of having to question where my things are at. Our house is not cluttered. It is hardly messy.”

“There is no reason for MY things not to be in OUR room. There is no reason for my things to be in someone else’s room.”

“I told him that if I have something in one spot, he does not need to move it. My headphones being on the charger is not inconveniencing anyone.”

“He said I am overreacting and it’s harmless to just go into his son’s room and look for something if I need to. He said that he accidentally/subconsciously moves things and doesn’t realize they are mine.”

“I called bullsh*t, because this has been an issue for 2 years. I told him I am just not going to leave anything that is mine around the house anymore, not even a pair of shoes at the front door.”

“I also do not like having to look in other people’s rooms or playing hide and seek with my things. I would hate for someone to look through my things/room.”

“If he wants to put his stuff in his son’s room, by all means, do it. Which he does sometimes. But I told him to Stop. Putting. My. Stuff. In. There.”

“I feel like an a**hole just typing this. We have a great relationship and hardly argue. However, I have asked him in the past to please not do this, and he isn’t getting it.”

“Am I overreacting? Am I the a**hole for not wanting my stuff in his son’s room?”

“I think it is just hard for me to see it as ‘not’ malicious because it’s usually only my things being moved, and I always have to ask for them back. He has taken things out of their designated areas and moved them to his son’s room.

“My hairbrush out of my bathroom? My dog’s combing supplies that were in her designated cabinet?”

“My boyfriend just needs to let my things be. Even if I see an empty glass on the kitchen table, I ask him if he’s using it/going to refill it before taking it.”

“My dad has similar… qualities. He has ALWAYS moved everyone else’s things—he still does!”

“But never his own. He still questions why my mom and younger siblings get so annoyed with him.”

“When I was finishing my degree, I bought a desk for our room, and I used it for homework. Our room has plenty of space. My textbooks still ended up in other parts of the house.”

“I swear I am living with my dad.”

The OP summed up their situation.

“I told my boyfriend to stop putting my personal things in his son’s room. I think I may be the a**hole because he doesn’t think it’s a big deal, and I am overreacting about the situation.”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided the OP was not the asshole (NTA).

“Super creepy. Why is he only moving YOUR stuff?”

“Start moving his stuff into other rooms, and don’t tell him where to find it. Make him look for it so he can see how annoying/frustrating it is.”

“He needs to stop touching your stuff. PERIOD.” ~ celticmusebooks

“NTA. Your boyfriend has absolutely no reason to move your things.”

“Growing up my mother was a constant tidier and decided to move other people’s things. It was a constant battle until she threw away research my brother was gathering for a paper and then all hell broke loose.”

“To this day, the number of things she moves and forgets where she put them is hilarious. When she can’t find something, we tell her maybe you should have left it where it’s always been and to keep looking.” ~ Peony-Pony

“This does not sound like a supportive partner. My husband and I both have ADHD, so we misplace things, but not in somebody else’s room.”

“Also, it’s our own things that we misplace—actually, if we have people coming over and he has stuff out in the kitchen, I will make a neat little pile of it and put it on his desk.”

“It really sounds like what your boyfriend is doing is passive aggressive. If it was me, I’d sit down with him and have a conversation about how it needs to stop.”

“How it makes you feel. It sounds like he’s trying to treat you like a child and there is an age gap, but it sounds like he’s being a jerk.” ~ Jillio_NH

“It sounded like ADHD up until the point where he knew exactly where stuff was. If he knows that, why does he put it there‽‽”

“And move stuff to always the same room—but different from where the stuff is? That’s just weird to me. Especially like the dog stuff that has a clear, designated space.”

“He’s either doing this on purpose, or he doesn’t care enough to do something about it.” ~ sheneededahero

“Apparently we have the tendency to end up with partners that are similar to our parents, even when we actively do not like how our parents are.”

“Our brains seek the familiar even if the familiar is toxic. That’s why it’s so hard to break the cycle.”

“If you can see from your father that this is a lifelong habit, what would you like for your relationship if your partner can’t/won’t change. Can you live with it?” ~ Ukelele-in-the-rain

“NTA, and sorry, but a bit funny. I don’t see any reason for him to be stashing stuff in his son’s room, I mean seriously, you have your headphones plugged in and somehow it gets put in the son’s closet?”

“That’s sheer nonsense.”

“Maybe try picking a central spot—like on the counter—and tell your bf that if he ever has to move your belongings for any reason, then put them there.” ~ MayorSalsa

“NTA. I’d even say he has no reason to be even going into his son’s room. Especially since his son isn’t there most of the time this happens.”

“Also, there’s no way he ‘doesn’t know it’s yours’ since he automatically knew where it was when you asked.”

“He knows what he’s doing. He’s doing it intentionally.” ~ Queen_Sized_Beauty

“NTA. If it were an accident or subconscious, then how did he immediately know where they were? This is some weird power move he’s doing and it needs to stop.” ~ Reddit

“If it was an accident, it would happen to HIS things also. If it just happens to HER things, it’s no accident.

“Same for partners who get angry and ‘break things’ by accident. They never break things they own—only other people’s things.” ~ rTracker_rTracker

The OP provided an update with their strategy for addressing the issue.

“I plan to pay more attention within the next few weeks to try and find some logic behind this before taking the next step.”

“My ultimate plan is to have a final sit-down conversation with him. If he cannot respect my one simple (at least I think it is) request, I am going to suggest that he move out.”

“Not break up, but move out of my house (it is my house). Maybe that is a little over the top, but I am tired.”

“I am currently studying for the CPA exam, and I work nights as a bartender. I really don’t want to keep coming home and not be able to find my things.”

Hopefully, this gives the OP’s boyfriend the push he needs to realize his girlfriend is serious about her annoyance.

Either way, OP’s plan will eliminate the issue.

Written by Amelia Mavis Christnot

Amelia Christnot is an Oglala Lakota, Kanien'kehá:ka Haudenosaunee and Metís Navy brat who settled in the wilds of Northern Maine. A member of the Indigenous Journalists Association, she considers herself another proud Maineiac.