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Woman Stunned After Boyfriend Berates Her For Starting Sleeve Tattoo Without Telling Him First

Allef Vinicius/Unsplash

We all have things that make us outrageously happy, and some of those things are expensive, so we spend a great deal of time saving up for them, so we can eventually enjoy them.

It’s a terrible feeling when someone we love doesn’t share in our excitement, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.

Redditor EveningWild2268 was surprised when her boyfriend not only didn’t like the tattoo she had recently acquired but was fully against her keeping it.

When he refused to see her side, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was somehow wrong for having it.

She asked the sub: 

“AITA for getting the start of a sleeve tattoo without telling my boyfriend?”

The OP recently started a tattoo sleeve.

“I (26 Female) have wanted a sleeve tattoo for several years and for my Christmas/Birthday combined my family gave me money towards getting my dream sleeve.”

“I honestly never thought to tell my Boyfriend of 8 months (27 Male), so I went for my first session and got the start done. It’ll take 10 sessions to be complete but it’s a start.”

“The sleeve is a scale design with shells, waves, and pearls dotted across it in a mermaid-inspired design.”

The OP’s boyfriend was shocked.

“At our date, a few days after the session, I excitedly showed him the start of the sleeve and the concept designs I have for the finished look.”

“He was horrified by it and asked me why I’d get this done without telling him.”

“He said he had a right to know, as we were dating, so he could talk me out of it.”

“I was confused by this and asked him why he’d talk me out of it.”

“He went on to tell me how ugly tattoos are and how he finds them unattractive, not to mention that it will hurt me long-term in holding down a job.”

The OP was surprised by his reaction.

“I was very shocked at this.”

“I admittedly had to struggle not to laugh at that last part, as my boss has so many tattoos, somehow I doubt that will be an issue.”

“He is trying to convince me to use the rest of the money to get this lasered off, which obviously isn’t going to happen.”

“He’s also upset I hadn’t told him about this, as he feels as my boyfriend, he has a right to weigh in on this.”

“Was I the asshole for not telling him?”

“It wasn’t on purpose; it was an honest slip-up, but… I’m starting to think I’m glad I didn’t tell him, as he would have tried to talk me out of it.”

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some said the boyfriend had no right to control what the OP did with her body.

“I’ve been married for 13 years and my husband still has no be all and end all say about what I do with my body. I may run something past him, but in no way would he be making the final decision like this guy wants.”

“The OP is NTA, but I would be rethinking the relationship.” – Lady_Bal

“Mermaids don’t just let boys tell them what to do. Mermaids swim away and enjoy their mer-lives. May you find many shiny forks.” – smashed2gether

“If he feels this level of entitlement to tell you what you can do with your body after only 8 months, this is not a relationship you want to stay in. NTA, get rid of the boyfriend and keep getting tattoos.” – leftytrash161

“NTA. This is none of his business. His controlling reaction is a red flag, though. He doesn’t have to like it, but to try and tell you to spend the rest of your money on laser removal is a ridiculous overstep.” – NatZaJu

“My husband and I don’t even clear tattoos with each other. We’ll talk about ideas occasionally, but I’ve 100% gotten a tattoo without telling him. I believe it’s my body or his body and we’re both adults. We’ve been together for 11 years and married for 5.” – spookyANDhungry

“I think you guys just aren’t compatible. Tattoos are something you love and want, and he thinks they’re hideous and a stupid idea.”

“Also, it’s weird that he’s making your tattoo about him. They aren’t. They are about you and what you want! Enjoy the sleeve and maybe drop the dude.” – Dazzling_Suspect_239

“NTA. You’ve been planning this tattoo longer than you’ve been dating this guy, and he just threw up some major red flags. That’s some manipulative controlling behavior right there.”

“He’s trying to trick you into feeling bad for making a decision about your own body. I highly suggest getting out of this relationship; he’s only going to get worse.” – mailierogue

Others agreed and said the most the boyfriend could have expected was a heads-up.

“NTA. You probably could have mentioned you were getting a tattoo but he has absolutely no say in what you choose to do with your body.” – talibob

“Whether it slipped your mind or not: it doesn’t matter. It is Not. His. Body.”

“He is welcome to his opinions, he is welcome to even share his opinions. But when it comes to your body? He doesn’t get to say what goes on or in it.” – Opinion8Her

“I probably would have been talking about it nonstop, personally, just due to my excitement of a dream coming true.”

“It’s a little strange that you were looking forward to it for so long but had never mentioned it to him.”

“On the other hand, you don’t have to run anything by him and he certainly doesn’t have ANY right to tell you what to do with your body!”

“His opinion shouldn’t matter and I honestly wouldn’t stay with someone who thought they had any say in what I choose to do with my body.” – WerewolfHistorical43

“It would have been nice to mention it, if only to share such a decision with someone you are (at least temporarily) sharing many aspects of your life with.”

“Having said that, in this case, I’m kind of glad she didn’t, since she now knows who he is and can dump him with a clear conscience.” – ginsengtea3

“If it was just him being hurt that she hadn’t told him about something so important, he wouldn’t be the a**hole.”

“But saying he needed to know so HE could talk her out of it? That’s some BS.” – foxscribbles

“I just feel like it already says a lot you weren’t excited to tell your partner about this big thing you finally get to do after planning for so long.”

“That plus his gross attitude makes it sound like just from these details he may not be someone you want to date anymore.”

“But I don’t know, you know all the details so you should decide for yourself with the full context of the relationship.” – bubblegumpandabear

A few also encouraged the OP and said everything would work out in the workplace.

“As for the professional part, I’m your age and have a full sleeve, and a girl I work with also has a half sleeve.”

“My boss sent us both this link of a professional woman who was covered in tattoos and did her head shot without them covered, and with them covered, and the majority of people voted for the photo without them covered.”

“I also work as a project manager for a large engineering firm, so your boyfriend can suck it, lol (laughing out loud). The world is changing! Make yourself happy, girl!!” – catmomma530

“NTA. It’s your body, your money, your time, and your dream. I get that he probably felt blind-sided, but the f**king AUDACITY of thinking he was going to ‘talk you out of it,’ is infuriating.”

“And to think that he’s still trying to get you to laser is off… this dude deserves a good junk punch.”

“And that archaic s**t about ‘not getting a job…’ Get the f**k out with that s**t. You should cut and run from this dude.” – KnitFastDieWarm02

“For real, long sleeves are a thing! Even a teacher could have full sleeves and there not be a problem because guess what? Covering them up in a professional environment is a possible thing.” – Apprehensive_Map_284

“Dump the BF, get the sleeve! And I say this as somebody who absolutely despises tattoos. It’s your body, not his, and clearly, it won’t hurt you professionally, this is 2022, not 1952.” – Jewish-Mom-123

“NTA, in this scenario, he is the AH. It’s your body, you wanted this for a long time, you have the money for it, you have a safe job where tattoos are not a problem… so it’s your decision.”

“And like he did not want to be told just to be prepared (it could be understandable for such a big-bod mod) but he wanted to know so he could talk you out of it? Big red flag. Controlling what you can and can’t do on your own body? A big sign of an AH here.”

“You should want a tattoo removal for YOU and not appeal to someone else wishes. I’m sure your sleeve will be amazing!” – RequinDesPlaines

While some could agree that the boyfriend didn’t have to like or be attracted to tattoos, they also could agree that the boyfriend had no right to say what the OP did with her body. Rather, he should have been supportive of something that made her happy, even if it meant not staying together forever.

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan has been a part of the George Takei family since 2019 when she wrote some of her favorite early pieces: Sesame Street introducing its first character who lived in foster care and Bruce Willis delivering a not-so-Die-Hard opening pitch at a Phillies game. She's gone on to write nearly 3,000 viral and trending stories for George Takei, Comic Sands, Percolately, and ÜberFacts. With an unstoppable love for the written word, she's also an avid reader, poet, and indie novelist.