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Woman Demands Jobless Boyfriend Stop Borrowing Her Clothes For Paintball And Ruining Them

Man playing paintball
Magnusson, Roine/Getty Images

Redditor Zealousideal-Lie1085 loves to share things with her boyfriend, but lately her man has been taking that a little too far.

The Original Poster (OP) and her boyfriend share lots of clothing, but recently the boyfriend has been wearing said clothing to play paintball.

To make matters worse, he doesn’t wash the clothes right away.

This has disgruntled the OP, leading her to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).

There she asked:

“AITA for not letting my boyfriend wear my t shirts?”

She went on to explain.

“I [20-year-old Female] and my boyfriend [20-year-old Male] share pretty much everything.”

“I like my t shirts oversized, usually a men’s medium. So they fit him.”

“Recently he started playing paintball and started wearing the t shirts I bought. He says ‘it’ll wash out’ which it sometimes does.”

“He’ll go get clothes covered in paint and wait 2-3 weeks to wash it. He wore my black cargo pants which really ticked me off because I like the way they fit me.”

“I told him I don’t want him wearing my clothes anymore. We got into an argument and I said he should buy his own clothes, which hit a nerve because he doesn’t have a job.”

“I make more than enough money to support us and money isn’t the problem, it’s the fact that he has no problem ruining clothes that he didn’t buy.”

“I do feel bad for arguing and bringing up that he has no income.”


Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided: 

“YTA a bit to yourself. He’s acting as if he’s some toddler that’s unable to learn or understand what he’s being told. He’s not going to change and he’s shown you that he’s not going to change.”

“You need to treat people like they teach you to treat them. Right now, your BF is telling you that he doesn’t care about what you want.”

“I suggest reading this before reading the rest of my comment. It’s written by a guy who was doing similar things as your BF. She left me for leaving dishes by the sink. [link included in original post]”

“At this point, it’s not about the shirts. It’s about basic respect.”

“Asking your BF to not wear your shirts has become asking him to respect you enough not to wear them. You’ve communicated clearly.”

“He’s making you ask him to treat you like an equal partner and human being and repeatedly saying NO.” – BankApprehensive2514

“NTA. If he can’t afford to buy his own clothes – although doesn’t already own clothes????? – how can he afford to play paintball?”

“And why does he not do the laundry to contribute to the household you are supporting? Time to reevaluate your relationship.” – laurelblossom

“NTA. He’s intentionally destroying your property. Shouldn’t he be looking for a job, not playing paintball? And why can’t he just use the same outfit over and over again?” – cassowary32

“Please ask yourself honestly what you’re getting out of this relationship. And if he has substituted his mother with you.”

“Does he do his fair share of chores? If he’s not working, what is his contribution to your shared living space?”

“Does he support you or make you feel like you need to work hard to make his life easy? You’re both young. Is he working on his education or training or life skills?” – Rohini_rambles

“NTA, what’s with all you young girls with so much potential dating these losers? SMH. Drop him. Find a man who is worth your time and effort.” – Saiyan-b

“NTA. If he returned them in the same condition that he took them in then that would be a different story. But he’s not. He’s ruining your clothes.”

“I’d be pissed. Tell him it’s his fault he can’t wear your stuff anymore. And think seriously about a relationship with a guy who doesn’t respect you or your stuff.” – nancylyn

“NTA! FWIW, my older brother used to ‘borrow’ my t-shirts a lot in high school.”

“I played sports (volleyball, basketball, track, etc), and he apparently thought it was cool to wear shirts that said stuff like, ‘Hometown High School Girls Volleyball Team.’”

“We were supposed to wear them on game days, and one day, my shirt wasn’t in my closet.”

“I saw my brother in the hallway after 2nd hour, standing with a large group of his friends, wearing my shirt. I lost it.”

“I started screaming at him and yelled, ‘What the f*ck? Why are you stealing a woman’s clothes?!?’ His friends all looked at him and gave him a bunch of sh*t for wearing ‘girls clothes.’”

“Now, obviously, these shirts were unisex, but that wasn’t the point. His friends apparently teased him about it so much that he never stole them from me again 😂”

“But back to your son… I mean boyfriend… So instead of getting a job like an adult (and if you’re in the US, jobs are plentiful at the moment), he plays paintball.”

“With what money?? Why can’t he wear his own clothes to play? Oh that’s right – because he knows they might get ruined.”

“And despite not having a job, it takes him weeks to wash the clothes he wore? Hell no. I work two jobs and still manage to find time to do laundry a few times a week!”

“I’d go to the thrift store and buy some cheap shirts for him and explain your clothes are off limits.”

“Just because you make enough to support you guys doesn’t mean you should have to keep spending money to replace clothing!”

“He’s being absolutely disrespectful by continuing to take your clothes despite telling him not to and then ruining them.”

“He’s completely disregarding a very reasonable boundary you set, then getting mad when you try to enforce that boundary? No. That’s not okay.”

“I’m sorry, OP, but this guy sounds like bad news. You guys are 20, and he’s treating you like his mom.”

“Idk how long you’ve been together, but I highly recommend you take a good look at your relationship and ask yourself if you want to be with a man like this.”

“There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a single-income couple – as long as you’ve both agreed to it.”

“I’d be willing to bet that if you live together, he sits around all day doing nothing (sleeping half the day, playing video games, watching TV, playing paintball, etc)…”

“…while you work all day – then come home and have to do all the chores by yourself (laundry, cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc).”

“He’s treating you like his mom, not his partner. For your own sanity, I urge you to reconsider your relationship with this guy.” – ThrowMe2TheKittens

“He has money to buy his own clothes. He’s just spending it on paintball.”

“Also, if he’s going to keep up with this hobby, he can get clothes from a thrift store on the cheap and not care if they are paint-stained. He’s being selfish.”

“NTA.” – PorcupineTattoo

“Wait, wait, wait…”

“Are you telling us that he’s not working? Doesn’t even bring in a paycheck from a part-time job or some place? There are sooo many retail jobs looking for help.”

“Steals your clothes, ruins them, and he doesn’t care. But you feel bad telling him to buy his own clothes when he doesn’t have a job?”

“He has no job by choice!! There’s absolutely no reason he can’t do the laundry for you and him in a timely fashion.”

“He should also do all house cleaning, errands, grocery shopping, cooking dinner, etc. He’s not working, so he should be doing all of it. Yet, I suspect he’s doing none of it or barely anything.”

“You do realize that he doesn’t have a job because he doesn’t want one. And when he does get a job, he’ll quit or get fired.”

“He’s being treated badly, they’re out to get him, he hates the job, they don’t like him, it’s too stressful, they don’t understand him, etc.”

“I had a friend just like you. She was supporting both of them. She loved him.”

“He was nice and attentive. She had a really good-paying job, worked her way up. Whatever he wanted, she bought and was happy to do it.”

“They were together for 15 years.”

“Do you know what happened when the company she worked at downsized and she lost her great paying job? When the new job, she finally got paid less?”

“He left her within six months for someone else because she couldn’t say “yes” to everything he wanted. So he found someone else behind her back and left.”

“She’s still feeling hurt and angry years later. Hurt he abandoned her. That he left.”

“That could be your future.”

“Also he does NOT respect you at all. Otherwise, the request to leave your clothes alone he’d listen to.”

“He would also wear the same paintball-stained clothes over again and not steal your clean, stain-free clothes each time. Then ruin them.”

“Does he do anything to make your life easier? Does he carry his own weight in this relationship? What exactly does he do?”

“Why exactly are you with him? Why not send him back to his mother’s and let her take care of him? I mean, he’s her son, not yours.”

“NTA for bringing up his lack of income. He knows he has no income because he doesn’t want work.” – Outrageous-forest

The scales are way out of balance on this one.

Written by B. Miller

B. is a creative multihyphenate who enjoys the power and versatility of the written word. She enjoys hiking, great food and drinks, traveling, and vulnerable conversation. Raised below the Mason Dixon, thriving above it. (she/her)