Even in the presence of people we love, there are certain hygiene-related subjects that might make us feel squeamish.
But at no time should our discomfort make our loved ones feel less cared for, stressed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor throway195067 was grossed out when his girlfriend had an accident on their shared bed while she was menstruating.
After seeing her discomfort at his reaction, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he went too far.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for getting angry with my girlfriend and demanding she pay to replace my sheets after she got blood on them?”
The OP’s girlfriend recently moved in.
“I (26 Male) have been dating my girlfriend (24 Female) for about a year now, and we recently moved in together.”
“She didn’t have a lot of furniture and such, so it’s mostly mine in our apartment, including my bed (frame, mattress, sheets).”
“I am a bit of a neat freak, and she generally is too, so we get along pretty well living together.”
The OP’s feelings about menstruation were inconsistent.
“Now I’m not one of those guys that gets grossed out over a woman having her menstrual cycle. I’ve had sex with my girlfriend on lighter days with a towel down.”
“I’ll go buy her feminine products. I don’t get weirded out if she mentions it.”
“I will say though, it totally grosses me out getting it on my bed, though.”
These feelings were exposed recently.
“A few days ago when we woke up, I noticed a blood spot on the bed and got totally grossed out.”
“I knew she had been on her period for 3 days already, so it wasn’t any sort of surprise accident.”
“I asked how it happened and she was upset and said she thought she didn’t need to sleep with anything on.”
“I told her that was absurd. Why would you go without wearing anything and get blood all over my bed?”
The OP started making demands.
“I told her that was irresponsible and that she needed to pay me for new sheets.”
“She agreed to pay for new sheets but got upset with me for getting angry and calling her irresponsible.”
“She said that she likes to not wear anything when she can. She said she thought her flow was light and she wouldn’t bleed overnight.”
“She said I have no reason to be angry to talk down to her over something I don’t experience.”
“I said that she should’ve been more careful with where we sleep and that it was unhygienic.”
“AITA for getting upset and wanting her to pay?”
The OP clarified one detail about the post:
“A lot of people seemed confused by what I said ‘not wearing anything.’ She was wearing her normal pajamas, just no menstrual products.”
“She said since she’s on birth control, she is very light on day 3 and doesn’t ever bleed on the sheets. It still seems unreasonable to me to not have something for extra coverage just in case.”
“To everyone saying to just wash the sheets, she did, but I just don’t like the thought of it.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the OP was being ridiculous.
“Big deal, I buy her sanitary products, like he’s a freakin martyr. OP, YTA!”
“And yes, blood does come out of sheets. God forbid OP ever gets a scrape or a bloody nose. Just throw the entire bedroom set out or better yet, just burn down the house.”
“Seriously. Grow the h**l up!” – lisalef
“I hate how OP refers to everything as his. I get it, the place was his before girlfriend moved in. And I get that everything was originally his.”
“But they’re living together now and he still views every single thing as his property? Even down to the shared bed?”
“Next thing I’ll be reading is girlfriend used his mug and spoon.” – Trick_Literature_
“I once bought a new car and immediately took a road trip with my girlfriend. She was having health issues and bleeding heavily, and ended up staining the seat with blood.”
“She was mortified and practically crying, she was so embarrassed. I just reassured her that it wasn’t a big deal.”
“That was car upholstery, which is obviously hard to clean or replace. It still wasn’t a big deal.”
“I can’t imagine putting your girlfriend through this for a small blood spot on sheets. So ridiculous.” – TheSerialHobbyist
Others empathized with the OP’s girlfriend.
“It’s funny how men assume that periods have a set date to end. Like, it starts on Monday morning and it will end on Saturday morning, it doesn’t work like this. It isn’t 100% calculated.”
“Sometimes it lasts 3 days only, sometimes 5-6 days, I’ve seen women that claimed their periods lasted almost 2 weeks.”
“Sometimes you think it’s gone and then, surprise! It wasn’t! Some people have intense periods with intense pain, others have shorter and lighter periods. And it is also very common when the period starts later than normal or arrives sooner.”
“Menstruation can be a mess, sometimes it’s painful and lighter but can also be intense.”
“YTA, OP.” – AngelicaGirl
“Things happen when you are asleep. I don’t know how many times my pad slipped as I rolled on the bed and left myself with a mess or sometimes when I thought it finally is about to be over, and it got heavy again and caught me off guard…”
“There are also times, especially after 2 pregnancies and tube-tying, my cycle gets awkward and there are times I’m soaking overnight…” – jasemina8487
“The fact he called period blood ‘unhygienic’ … what the f**k, OP. I hope she buys new sheets for her new bed and new partner. You are the AH.” – pippypup
After receiving feedback, the OP shared several updates.
“I obviously see that I was a prick for being condescending towards her and not being sensitive to her embarrassment.”
“I told her I was going to replace the sheets myself.”
“She got upset again, saying she didn’t want to financially burden me every time she could potentially have a leak and that washing them was good enough.”
“I told her I obviously just have a weird phobia with it that I need to work through.”
“I did ask her to wear products every night until she knows it’s gone, and she called me ignorant, and said I had no right to suggest how she handles her period.”
“She’s coming to get her stuff to stay with her mom, so it feels pretty over. I’m sure many of y’all will be happy to hear.”
The OP shared an update about his relationship.
“Yep, she says it’s definitely over. I tried taking what some of you said about understanding that the flow fluctuates and all that, but she said the damage was done.”
The OP shared one more update after attempting to apologize.
“After sleeping on it and talking to my friends and family, I am definitely in the wrong here.”
“I had no reason to be that grossed out and ask her to replace sheets when she washed them. I definitely had no right telling her she was irresponsible and how to manage her own body.”
“I apologized to her sincerely and said she definitely deserved better than that.”
“She agreed and is not taking me back, which I deserve.”
“This was my first time living with a woman and I f**ked up big time.”
His relationship since over, it seems the OP learned too little too late to correct the mistakes he had made with his girlfriend. Hopefully, he will remember this the next time he has a girlfriend.