Redditor Infinite-Gyre put his foot in his mouth when he asked his girlfriend about her toilet habits.
The Original Poster (OP) asked his girlfriend a question that implied he was pointing out her weight.
The OP’s girlfriend got understandably offended causing a bit of a disagreement between the pair.
The OP turned to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) for some insight.
He asked:
“AITA For Asking My Partner if She Sits on the Toilet Seat?”
He went on to explain.
“My [24-year-old Male] partner [22-year-old Male-to-Female] have been together for nearly four years and just got our own place.”
“I purchased a couple of those “clip on the toilet bowl” fresheners for our bathroom but upon installing it, realized it goes over the rim of the bowl.”
“I realized this could be an issue for my girlfriend as I wasn’t sure if she used the toilet seat or sat on the rim of the toilet.”
“For some context, I’m 6’0″ and 150 pounds, so I’m a thin guy. I always use the seat, and if a toilet doesn’t have a seat, I hover because I will straight up fall into a toilet if I’m not careful.”
“My partner, however, is 6’0″ and 280 pounds.”
“I don’t consider her fat. I never think of her as fat. And I’m always trying to tell her how good she looks.”
“I’ve never been a not thin guy and I know people who are larger than me tend to use the toilet sans seat and sit on the rim of the bowl.”
“In all our four years together, I’ve never taken note of how she uses the toilet, so I asked her:”
“‘Do you use the toilet with the seat up or the seat down?’ She was confused at first, and I should’ve deduced the answer from that, but I’m a little stupid.”
“After explaining my question in more detail, she asked if I was calling her fat.”
“Of course, I replied with ‘no’ and explained it wasn’t about weight, I just wanted to be sure the toilet freshener wouldn’t keep her from using the toilet.”
“She was offended anyways, and I felt at the time that it was a bit unreasonable to feel that way. We had a bit of back and forth regarding that and agreed to disagree.”
“That was yesterday.”
“Today, she brought it up again, and I told her that I maintain my question was not about her being fat or not and that it was only because I wanted to make sure she wasn’t going to be disrupted by the toilet freshener.”
“She called me an a**hole for defending my question and doesn’t believe that my question was not about her weight.”
“She asked if I was sorry at all, and I told her, honestly, no’. I don’t feel like I’ve done anything wrong or that I was being rude.”
“She called me an a**hole again and stormed off. I’m left here at my desk starting to wonder if I AM an a**hole.”
“I should have just apologized, and typically I do, but I really felt like I didn’t do anything wrong. My apology wouldn’t have been a lie, I AM sorry that I’ve upset her.”
“But on the topic of AITAH, I’m not so sure anymore.”
“The stakes on this are super low, btw. I’m trying to figure out if I’m missing a perspective here that makes me an a**hole. We’ll talk about it tonight, no doubt, and go to bed happy with each other.”
“We don’t ever really fight and rarely disagree, so I figured, ‘why not let Reddit weigh in?’”
“So, AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“YTA- no one sits on the toilet bowl rim.” – shadow-foxe
“I know I shouldn’t laugh, but wtf lol. This is one of the weirdest AITA I think I’ve read. No one sits on the toilet bowl rim, at least from what I know of, lmao.”
“It doesn’t matter if you’re fat or thin. It would be super uncomfortable.”
“I wouldn’t say you’re an a**hole as such, but it’s definitely a weird question. Out of curiosity OP, where did you get this idea that fat people sit on toilet bowl rims from?”
“I’ve never heard of such a thing. It’s bizarre.”
“Since I’m on AITA, I guess I have to make a judgment.”
“It does seem like you really don’t know, and I don’t think you intended it to be malicious or anything, but it is a bit of a strange question to ask and a sensitive one, too, as it involves her weight.”
“I think you should have left it and let her tell you if she had an issue. So maybe just a slight yta here…” – throwaway748321
“um, what?”
“YTA (and so are your parents) for making it to 24 thinking people sit on the rim of the bowl instead of the toilet seat.”
“Your partner is probably as confused as we all are. And yeah, I’d kind of wonder if you were calling me fat too if it made any sense at all.” – Ok-Profession-9372
“NTA”
“I’m a bit incredulous, like everyone else responding, because I have never encountered anyone before who thought, even for a moment, that anyone uses a toilet (in the seated position, of course) without putting the seat down.”
“And, I know some guys who are pushing 400 pounds and can guarantee you that they all use the toilet seat.”
“So color me surprised that OP did not know this.”
“The fact that this came to your mind did have to do with her size, and even though you don’t consider her fat, your question was motivated by her size and definitely hit her the wrong way.”
“What you need to do now is sit with her and, yes, apologize.”
“Even if you felt you did nothing wrong, you should still apologize because your words, even though offered with no malicious intent, did hurt her feelings.”
“Explain to her your misconception, that you thought that toilet seats were there for skinny folks and you were concerned for her comfort.”
“Tell her you are an idiot for believing that and that you meant no disrespect and are deeply sorry that you hurt her.”
“Tell her you never saw her that way, and your own naivety led you to ask a hurtful question.”
“So I’m not ready to call you the AH, but you did hurt her feelings and need to be sympathetic to that.” – Sea-Tooth-8530
“NAH.”
“This is the type of post I live for, where a Redditor learns something incredibly basic about the world we live in that may/may not shake up their entire worldview.” – WalterBishRedLicrish
“NTA. You apparently thought sitting directly on the rim was more common than it apparently is. I have never heard of anyone doing this, but maybe they do.”
“You were trying to be thoughtful, not hurt anyone’s feelings. 280 is quite heavy, and you shouldn’t have to pretend it isn’t.” – AllCrankNoSpark
“I keep reading comments like ‘YTA because you’re clueless’”
“First of all, the idea that using the toilet rim instead of the toilet seat is an absolutely ridiculous notion and pretty disgusting.”
“But I just really don’t get how unintentional ignorance = a**hole?”
“Like, is OP willing to understand they were misinformed and apologize and realize they had no idea what they were talking about? Yes? Then NTA.”
“If OP was somebody who just ignored everything and fully stood by ‘NO! THIS IS THE TRUTH!’ despite there being no conceivable reason for that to be the case, then yes they’d be an AH.”
“But being ignorant due to being misinformed by your peers/parents growing up? Idk, I don’t think that automatically makes somebody an AH.” – slobby7
“If you genuinely didn’t know, you wouldn’t be the AH. Though I’d agree most everyone reading this, as well as your partner, assumes everyone knows the context of how women use toilet seats.”
“So it may come off as you’re an AH.” – kelskels19
The OP went on to add to his original post:
“So here’s what I’ve learned today:”
“A) I have a very strange family.”
“B) I failed to realize that I was making an assumption based on very limited data.”
“The assumption being that some people don’t use the toilet seat and the data limited to the maybe 15 people I’ve ever witnessed using the restroom in 24 years of life.”
“C) I am, in fact, very sorry to my girlfriend for being such a naive an** and asking what I now realize was a profoundly stupid question.”
“In all, I’m glad to have posted here. In the future, I’ll carefully consider exactly /why/ I think something is true and on what data I base that belief.”
“I talked with my girlfriend, laid it all out, and decided to take my lumps, though she offered none.”
“We had a good talk, and she and I are back to playing Factorio and Baldur’s Gate 3, respectively.”
There needs to be a new category: NTA but definitely the idiot.