A woman had a hunch about her relationship after noticing that her boyfriend had a questionable way of looking for haircut inspirations.
When Redditor throwra5123—a 29-year-old female—confronted him about her concern, his explanation only confused her more.
So she turned to Reddit's Relationship Advice column to see if anyone could offer some insight into the head-scratcher.
The Original Poster (OP) asked:
"Did my boyfriend really make a Tinder account to view men's haircuts?""
The OP began her post by explaining their recent living situation.
"I've been with my BF [34 male] for a year now, and for the last 3 months we've been living together in quarantine."
"He had a buzz cut since I first met him, except for the last 3 months hasn't gone out to get a haircut for obvious reasons. A few weeks ago since things have opened back up he was talking about maybe making an appointment to get a haircut."
"I asked if he was just going to get a buzz cut and he said yes, and I said that I thought his hair looked really good longer and that maybe he should just get a trim."
A discovery threw her for a loop.
"A few days ago I went on to his phone to play Spotify and I notice that he had Tinder downloaded. I opened it up and saw that it was set up as a women's account set to swipe on men."
"It didn't look like he had messaged anyone yet. When I confronted him about it he told me that he created the account to look at men's haircuts."
"I asked him why he didn't just Google 'men's haircuts' and he goes 'When you search for 'men's haircuts' it's literally all just male models with undercuts. If you search for 'man in his 30s' it's just stock photos.'"
Her boyfriend continued with his argument.
"Online dating is the easiest way to see pictures of few hundred real, random dudes in their 30s so I can find a picture to bring to the barber."
When the OP suggested Facebook as an option for searches, he told her:
"So I'm just going to get an identical haircut to one of my real life friends so I look like I'm Single White Femaling him?"
The OP was somewhat convinced by his explanation, but a friend didn't buy it.
"To me his reasoning sounded plausible but he's pretty smart and good at making logical arguments."
"When I told my best friend she goes 'Do you really want to be one of those women who believes men's ridiculous excuses for cheating?'"
"What do people think, could this actually be why he made a Tinder account?"
She opened the floor to strangers on the internet for a discussion.
Many Redditors were quick to call his bluff.
"This is the most pathetic excuse I've ever heard in my life. Damn I feel bad for you." – -better-than-u-
"Please go get tested for every STD under the sun."
"Oh an dump him." – SomewhereinOregon
However, select men and women found validity to his story.
"I'm female, and I 100% believe him."
"Here's why: If he created a male account, with actual photos of him, his excuse would make no sense. He created a female account."
"What he did is smart. Even looking for female haircuts it's all models. Nothing real. My hair will never look like that. In fact, I now want to create a men's tinder account to look at female hair."
"He didn't message anyone."
"I don't hear anything suspicious going on here." – iamalsopizza
"I'm a man and this is something I've thought of doing."
"You know how if you search anything like 'best backpack' or 'best headphones' all you get are sponsored posts or spam?"
"This is a way to see what actual regular men are doing instead of just seeing models. Instagram feels like spam in general, which is a whole other topic, but I wouldn't even think to look there."
"It seems like it'd be a lot of work to make this entire profile to cheat instead of just deleting the app."
"Anyway, Tinder has an export data function that keeps all your previous matches and messages if you deleted them. If you don't believe him you can always check there." – PascLeRasc
"If he was trying to cheat, why tf would he have set up a fake account as a woman? Why would there be no messages in the history?"
"It was dumb of him to not mention anything to you but the people suggesting you're a guillable idiot for even entertaining the idea that his story is true have either not bothered to properly read your post or are toxically overeager to believe the worst of him."
"Not saying he definitely isn't a cheat making up elaborate excuses, but if you've no other reason to be suspicious of him then his story is definitely more plausible than cheating to anyone who thinks about things for more than three seconds." – Muscular_carp
This Redditor was still on the fence based on a number of comments indicating he's cheating.
"The fact it was a women's account searching men and he hasn't messaged anyone gives backing to his explanation."
"I'm not sure what to believe but there's too many comments saying hes obviously lying and idk about that, I'd look into it more if I was you." – Jdksjsj
Searching his activity history might reveal more clues.
"It sounds in the realm of possibility to me. Does he have matches?"
"Does he have a legit profile set up? If no tonboth then there realistically isn't anything going on here. I'm surprised at all these comments saying he's lying without anything else other than 'omg tinder something bad is going on.'" – A1ienspacebats
This Redditor believed people insinuating her boyfriend was gay made no sense.
"Even if he was using the tinder account to find men they wont be straight men because they swiped on a women, or Bisexual men, but he would still have to explain why he was pretending to be a woman and would raise incredible suspicion that probably wouldnt result in anything happening if he was indeed gay." – NetflixAndBill32
While many people were quick to be suspicious, it looks like a good majority of Redditors believed the boyfriend and were even impressed by his cleverness.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.