When you’re dating, there comes a time when you take a deeper dive into your relationship. Maybe you go in on a lease together, or adopt an animal you share.
For aitaexchildmy, the issue came around due to an inheritance from her grandmother. The original poster (OP) got into a fight with her boyfriend over it and now she’s wondering if she’s wrong.
So she decided to ask the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit about her situation.
“AITA for not putting my boyfriends name on my house?”
What’s going on here?
“I really thought this was normal but so many people are telling me I’m a bitch for not doing so that it’s starting to mess with my head tbh.”
“I recently received a house, my grandmother passed away and left her 2 houses to my sister and I. We sat down and between the 2 of us decided that she should have the bigger house as she is married and has 2 kids and another on the way, while I would move into the smaller 2 bedroom house.”
“My sisters husband has been added to the title of her house as he helped her pay the tax on it. I was able to pay the tax on mine by myself as it was cheaper due to being smaller, because my boyfriend (3 years) didn’t contribute financially towards it I didn’t think to put him on the title.”
“We had a housewarming party last weekend and his parents came up to me towards the end of the night and were going on about how lucky BF and I were to be able to live somewhere like this rent free and it gives us such a head start in life and they were very appreciative that I’d given half the house to my bf.”
“I corrected them that I hadn’t and he wasn’t on the title but was welcome to live with me and not pay rent so that he had more money to put towards his studies (we are both masters students).”
“They immediately became very judgemental saying that I was being unfair not putting his name on the title, and that clearly I didn’t expect the relationship to last, I didn’t trust him etc. I say they were being unfair and he wasn’t entitled to half of my family’s house and then walked away.”
“Now numerous members of his family have messaged me and him saying I’m a bitch and I don’t trust him and tell him to watch out because clearly I don’t love him etc.”
“AITA here?”
Sure, the boyfriend’s family might not be great. But so long as OP and her boyfriend show a united front on this, it shouldn’t matter what his family thinks.
So what does the boyfriend think?
“I’ve gotten a bunch of messages asked what my bf thinks so I put my response here: I brought it up with him on Monday and he said that he feels like it’s a sign I don’t trust him.”
“I said that I wouldn’t add a man to the title unless we were married and he was paying for half of the rates and stuff. He said that he feels like I’m blackmailing him into getting married.”
“I said I wasn’t, I just wouldn’t want to make a huge commitment like giving him half my house without some commitment from him and he said to just drop it because ‘we’re never going to agree so let’s just leave it so we don’t argue’”
On Reddit, the users of the board judged OP for refusing to add her boyfriend to her house by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The board considered all angles and decided that OP doesn’t have to do anything for her boyfriend in this matter. She’s already given him a place to stay, rent free.
OP’s boyfriend is acting very entitled over this house. While his family may have started it, his own comments show he thinks he should be on the deed.
But there’s nothing here that agrees with that notion, as the Reddito board voted that OP was NTA.
“NTA, and your boyfriend’s family are really overstepping here. This is none of their business and it’s very crass that they feel entitled to comment.”
“He didn’t contribute at all. He isn’t your spouse. You aren’t obligated to add his name to the title.” – joanclaytonesq
“The fact that he didn’t defend her from them is a big sign. Even if he disagreed with them (and he’s wrong in this case) he needs to be able to step up and tell them to mind their own business.”
“I think OP should heavily consider a prenup. If people over react to that, then…Maybe you shouldn’t get married yet.” – Ancient_List
“NTA. Key phrase here: ‘numerous members of his family have messaged me’. Your boyfriend did not contribute to the house and it is your inheritance.”
“He should be happy that he doesn’t have to pay rent. The vast majority of the adult world still has to make payments in the form of rent or a mortgage while he gets a gravy train. If he’s not happy with the VERY generous offer you’ve given him, kick him out.”
“He will add to the wear and tear of the home that is your responsibility to upkeep. Block his family.” – 4682458
“LOL NTA, Greed, one of the seven deadly sins.”
“Your grandmother passed away and left you her home. Your boyfriend is not entitled to a damn thing.”
“Your sister chose to add her husband to the title because he has accepted financial responsibility for their shared family home.”
“Why on earth would you add someone you are dating to the title of your home and give him 50% equity in a home you inherited.” – penguin_squeak
A lot of commenters grew concerned about the relationship. If OP’s boyfriend is acting so entitled over this issue, could there be more red flags?
Should OP re-evaluate the relationship?
“NTA. Huge red flags. You’re not married. It’s YOUR home from YOUR grandmother.”
“Even if you got married, that’s for YOU to decide whether you put him on the title or not.”
“He’s not entitled to half of a home (a huuuge amount of money) just because you’re in a relationship. His family needs to stay out of it.”
“EDIT after OP’s edit: Duuude, OP. That’s some major entitlement from him and please be wary about a proposal, at least any time soon. I’d feel pretty betrayed by my partner if they didn’t understand that us being unmarried meant that they weren’t on the title of the home.” – Rice-Correct
“NTA. My wife and I have been married for 15 years and my name still isn’t on the title of our beach property she inherited from her grandmother.”
“Yes, we both refer to it as ‘ours’ as we do with everything but legally I have no attachment to the place…and I don’t give a shit. If we were to ever divorce, I would never try to take that place away from her and if she were to pass away prematurely, it goes straight to me anyway.”
“He’s just a f***ing boyfriend. Boyfriends are overrated. Protect YOUR house.” – JDaleFranklin
“NTA. The way his family is acting is very entitled over a house that was left to you by your grandmother is giving off red flags.”
“They have no right to demand that you add your boyfriend’s name to the house and quite frankly it’s none of their business. OP don’t add your boyfriend’s name to the title.” – Bluejewel_13
“Yep, very concerning behavior.”
“Time to change it up with a formal rental contract with him as tenant. Charge him the cost of utilities, like $300 a month and do not let him pay any repairs, property taxes or anything an owner pays.”
“If he pushes back, tell him that the conversation about your house vs sisters house is apples to oranges, because they are married and have shared finances. Explain that you are very concerned after the entitlement rather than gratitude for no rent and that it was clearly too ambiguous.”
“So make it clear that you own it and if you ever get married you will have a prenuptial agreement that you are sole owner. That he is a tenant and a lucky one to get below market rent.”
“He can start saving for a down-payment on another house that you can buy together and when he’s ready, if you are still moving forward and married by then. You can rent out your grandma’s house to pay for the new mortgage when it’s time to move to the next step.”
“But even then that’s your property and the rent counts as your personal investment property separately from any community assets.”
“Tell him take it or leave it, but you’ll be damned if he ever thinks that house is anything for yours!” – longpas
As you can see, people got very passionate about OP’s situation. However, the choice is up to her.
While she’s made the choice to not add her boyfriend, how she handles the relationship going forward remains to be seen.